Fetch My Flying Monkeys

It rained yesterday. That was it for our winter storm. This morning the railing on the backstairs had a little bit of ice on them. It scared me, but I ventured on to the store. I am brave like that. The Toilet Paper Scare of 2010 was completely averted.

Now on to the Craptastic Giveaway-

Congrats Zombie Mom! Email me a shipping address and I will get a box out to you this week.

This is it for the cool crap giveaways for a while. Thanks to everyone commenting wanting the crap. My house is full of crap, so if you didn't win this time around I am sure there will be more chances later. Now don't start hating and stop commenting if you didn't win. Remember, if you didn't win it's Jack's fault. He's the one who did the selecting of the winner. He knows that he has probably angered a few people, and made a few enemies so he's left town for a few weeks until the heat is off. This is his cousin Walter visiting while he's gone. Yeah, that's it.

Posted by Laura at 04:26 PM | Permalink | Comments (8) | TrackBacks (0)

It's the last week of Attention Whore Month and I must say you all have done me proud. Of course, I had to entice some of you with free crap, but that's okay. It's a win-win situation. You get crap, I get rid of crap. Again, this weekend will be the last craptacular giveaway, at least for a while. So if you want a shot at Jack choosing your name, just let me know. I'm thinking this could be the grand prize:

Surprise!

Oh, and because blogs should be engaging for the readers, and nothing is more engaging than audience participation, I am requesting suggestions from you all. Dogette and I like this whole "Theme Month" thing and I am asking you all to make some suggestions of themes that we could use. Please feel free to make these suggestions in the comments. Wow, see how I just slipped that "more comments please" thing in? That came so naturally. I fucking rock out as an Attention Whore. Just please don't suggest things like "Stop Blogging Bitch Month", or "STFU Month" because that's just mean and I'll have to stab you.

Also, did you all know I have an iPhone? Well I do. And I never really made a video on it before. I was goofing with it the other day and the very first vid I shot was so perfect that I made it into a short film to share with you. Okay, it was actually so horrible I thought it was funny. Don't worry, it's not porn, your corneas and stomachs are safe. Although I did put what sounds like 70's porn music on it. Porn music does make me laugh. Hell, porn makes me laugh. Anyway, the asshats that ripped my mailbox door off inspired me to make my own avant-garde piece. I call this work of art "Tinks With A Special Appearance from Jack." You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll want to delete me from your bookmarks. But don't. So without further ado:

Posted by Laura at 06:16 PM | Permalink | Comments (19) | TrackBacks (0)

I know. I was gone for a few days. I wanted you all to worry; maybe think I finally succumbed to my rabies, or that I was institutionalized for psychiatric evaluation got that date with George Clooney and was chased, tasered, and booked by the LAPD we ran off together. This tactic is called being a "drama queen." Being a drama queen is another facet of being an attention whore. But after getting literally one tons of emails inquiring on my whereabouts, I have returned. Yes, I am back. And I want attention. There's still another full week left in Attention Whore Month. Today is also the day to announce the winner of this week's Cool Crap Giveaway. The giveaway is also one of my ways of getting attention. I am not too proud to buy friends and attention. There will be one more giveaway next weekend and that will be the last, so comment stating you want some free crap if you want some free crap. If you don't want any free crap, still comment because that's what Attention Whore Month is all about.

Congrats Doni! Jack picked your name! Let me know what crap you want.

Posted by Laura at 01:44 PM | Permalink | Comments (17) | TrackBacks (0)

Congrats Dave Merriman! Jack picked your name to be the second winner of cool crap. Email me an address and I'll get some crap out to you next week!

Posted by Laura at 07:26 PM | Permalink | Comments (13) | TrackBacks (0)

Congrats Maeve! Jack chose you as the winner of the first cool crap box. Email me a name and address you want it shipped to along with a wish list of crap you wouldn't wrinkle your nose up at too much. Keep it real- no cars, homes, a box of money, ect. Everyone else, keep requesting cool crap in the comments- there's more cool crap to win.

Posted by Laura at 01:08 PM | Permalink | Comments (17) | TrackBacks (0)

Dogette and I have declared January "Attention Whore Month." Everyone who blogs knows that traffic slows down in December because people are busy shopping, traveling or wanking to "It's A Wonderful Life." By January holidays and holiday specials are over and the weather usually forces people indoors. And when people are forced indoors, they get bored, go online, look at porn and read blogs.

This month we are going to shamelessly promote our blogs, mine, Dogette's Two Nervous Dogs and our joint venture-Advice Asylum. I am receiving an excellent amount of attention on my Cool Crap Giveaway AND I will be giving away Cool Crap all month. I think this makes me THE WHORE of WHORES. Wait. No. What?

We're tweaking and remodeling Advice Asylum because it's relatively new and we haven't quite found our "voice" there, because as any blogger will tell you, it takes time to settle in. And speaking of settling in, here at Flying Monkeys I know I haven't written any of my life stories in a while, and I have received some inquiries about this. Apparently some folks like to hear about my crazy ass childhood and other adventures. Some requested tales from my military days, which I've never really hit upon. My Army days ROCKED and KICKED ASS by the way. I will try at least once a week to write about a past adventure. I am very busy and important, so all I can do is try. I just hope those emails requesting my stories weren't from the authorities.

So I want you all to comment like mofos here and at Dogette's and at the Asylum. Even if it's just to say "hello." Enter the Cool Crap Giveaway if you want some cool crap, and everyone with a blog- I want you to become big ole' whores too in honor of Attention Whore Month. Be sure to bookmark us too. Non-blog owners can become big ole' whores too and tell everyone about us. Ya'll can consider me your pimp. Wait. No. What?

P.S. This is all moot if I die tonight in what I am calling "Snow Flurry Apocalypse 2010." I guess you all could just read my archives after looking at porn.

P.S.S. As part of Attention Whore Month, I will be posting pictures of my pets randomly for attention. Here's an old one of Thelma dressed as an elephant for Halloween one year. Everyone loves pet pics and I am not above humiliating my pets for attention. As you all already know.

Posted by Laura at 06:16 PM | Permalink | Comments (16) | TrackBacks (0)

I'm hoping I'll still be alive (OH MY GOD FLURRIES!) this weekend to get my dog to pick a winner, but J promised me he would if I couldn't. I am impressed at the amount of people wanting my cool crap. I went through some more crap yesterday and I think I will be sending a lot of packages out so don't get all sad and whiny if you don't get this week's. The people who state "I want your cool crap" are getting their names written down on a slip of paper every day they comment and getting added into a big jar until the "Weiner Dog Selection Process" takes place this weekend. Then all will be trashed and we will start over next week. This means to increase your chances you'll need to comment daily. And you folks who don't want cool crap please keep commenting. Yes, my attention whore soul is very demanding. Oh, I would like to take this opportunity to point out this superb comment:

I may be voted off the island for this comment, but you are way cooler than Pioneer Woman.

I <3 those pink erasers! ~ gatorgirl4325

I am way cooler than Pioneer Woman. Gatorgirl, this is an awesome comment. Superb except for one thing. You didn't say you wanted my cool crap! I take it you want to get some cool crap? I put your name in there JUST because of the compliment. Let me know if this is what you want because you didn't say "I want cool crap" but expressed admiration for the erasers. The main reason I am spotlighting your comment is first, to make it clear that if you want to be entered you need to let me know and secondly, by complimenting me I will sometimes sway the rules. I can't promise you a win because Jack the Weiner Dog is choosing and he doesn't care what you say about me, but maybe, just maybe your paper will be rubbed with kibble before the selection begins. Not that I would do that. I'm just saying. Dogs do have an excellent sense of smell...

Also some commenters said they should do a crap giveaway on their blogs. Well, I think you should. Yeah, I know I'm cleaning a room out of crap, and I shouldn't get more crap, but dammit it's fun getting free crap.

P.S. While you're in a commenting mood, be sure to visit my friend Dogette's blog and our site Advice Asylum. Yes, it is Attention Whore Month. That's like Shark Week on Discovery, but with more blood and gore and less warmth and kindness.

Posted by Laura at 06:50 PM | Permalink | Comments (28) | TrackBacks (0)

I don't make New Year resolutions, but one thing I want to do is clean out a bunch of crap in a spare bedroom I have. It's one of those rooms where you throw everything in to store or hide it. I should have a yard sale, but I'm too busy on weekends for that. So while chatting in Dogette's blog comments about how most readers don't comment, I joked about being the poor version of The Pioneer Woman and how we should give away crap we had around the house. So I am going to do it! That's right. I have shit loads of "cool stuff." Anything from craft/art supplies and Winsor Pilates/movie dvds to books, Clooney WHORE Voodoo Dolls sock monkeys, and other random knick-knacks; just a regular cornucopia of cool crap. How this will work is you comment on entries during the week and if you want my cool crap at the end of your comment say "I want your cool crap" once a day. I will do a drawing at the end of the week, fill a flat rate box of cool crap of my choosing and ship the crap out to you. I will try to customize it as much as I can. Guys will get movies and books over monkeys and foofoos. Unless you want foofoos. I'm not here to judge you. But of course I do. Anyway, I'll have Jack pick the winner. I'll write the names on a piece of paper, ball them up individually and then throw them on the floor. The first one Jack grabs that I can wrestle out of his mouth will win the box of cool crap that week.

Here's just a tiny, tiny sampling of some of the cool crap I will be giving away.

Yes, that's a Little Apple Japanese Horror Doll new in box. And a pink eraser!

P.S. If you don't want any cool crap, please still comment. Just don't say you want the cool crap in your comment. I love comments. They fill the void in my attention whore soul.

P.S.S. The Clooney WHORE Voodoo Dolls will not be given away. They've been working so far. He's single. I can't risk it.

Posted by Laura at 06:31 PM | Permalink | Comments (34) | TrackBacks (0)

Congratulations Tuesday! You now have a better chance of surviving the Zombie Apocalypse. Please email me at laura at fetchmyflyingmonkeys dot com with your choice of prizes--the chainsaw, or an Amazon gift certificate, or iTunes Cards and an address to ship your prizes.

Thank you for playing everyone. I have enjoyed reading the horrible things you wrote about George Clooney's WHORE and I am glad I was able to encourage it with a giveaway. I wish I could award you all but, alas, I'm not rich like Steve Jobs who steals from innocent hard working folks. Especially douchey folks with iPhones, like me. I have an iPhone.

Posted by Laura at 08:12 AM | Permalink | Comments (15) | TrackBacks (0)

I hope everyone is entering the giveaway. I want you all to be prepared for the Zombie Apocalypse, but I can only afford to outfit one of you. The rest of you are doomed will have to outfit yourselves; except Eric who won the last giveaway. But then I didn't ARM him, so his chances still aren't good. Just to clear some things up, you can take the $125.00 in an Amazon gift certificate or iTunes cards if you already have a chainsaw or are a pacifist and know you're going to get eaten anyway. Comments need to be made on that entry. If you click on that blue button above this entry it will take you to the giveaway. If you want to enter the giveaway but feel bad talking shit about George Clooney's WHORE, then too bad, you are ZOMBIE BAIT. Look, friends support friends. Just look at what Dogette sent me to add to my voodoo altar scrapbook:

Posted by Laura at 06:08 PM | Permalink | Comments (7) | TrackBacks (0)

The Zombie Apocalypse. I am ready. But are you? I doubt it, so I am here to help. A chainsaw is an awesome anti-zombie weapon and a generally useful tool. So I decided to have a contest where, in addition to the awesome stuff I usually give away here, I added in one of these:

Poulan Pro PP3516AVX 16-Inch 35cc 2-Cycle Gas Powered Anti-Vibration Chain Saw

That's right. A fucking chainsaw. That and other stuff will be given away to help one lucky reader survive the impending Zombie Apocalypse.

Here's the other stuff:

1-Pissed Off Sock Monkey (my design-all rights reserved) handmade by me and not intended as a child's toy. The eyes are buttons and pose a choking hazard for small children. So what I am saying is DON'T GIVE IT TO A CHILD; it's a serious monkey for serious times.

1-Pride and Prejudice and Zombies by Jane Austen and Seth Grahame-Smith. A New York Times Best Seller.

1-The Zombie Handbook: How to Identify the Living Dead and Survive the Coming Zombie Apocalypse by Rob Sacchetto.

1-Plants vs. Zombies by Pop Cap computer games.

1-28 Days Later (Full Screen Edition) DVD.

1-Stainless Steel Water Bottle.

1-Package of 8 Skull and Crossbone i-clips Magnetic Page Markers.

Rules of Entry:

The winner will be announced on Halloween October 31th 2009. Entries will close on October 30th at midnight EST. The winner must email me after the giveaway so we can coordinate choice of prize and delivery information.

You are limited to one comment per day.*All entries/comments stay on this blog entry.* Please note that comments are moderated and will not show immediately. I work and sleep so it may take some time. Be patient. Just enter once and it will appear when comments are released. A random generator will pick the winning comment after the giveaway ends on October 30th.

You must complete this sentence in your comment/entry, "George Clooney's WHORE is _______" and it must be derogatory. Any positive comments will be ineligible and will be stricken.* You will also then go on my Stab List.

*Disclaimer-

If you would rather have the cash value of the chainsaw ($125.00) in an Amazon gift certificate, just ask. If you are some sort of Apple-weenie-pacifist, and you win, well shit, enjoy what time you have left before the Apocalypse and I will send you an iTunes card for $125.00. You can download some Buddhist chants or some other Kumbaya shit to keep you mellow while you are being torn apart and devoured.

Use of the chainsaw on any non-zombie living thing (other than trees and shrubs) is expressly forbidden. Under no circumstances am I or anyone associated with Fetch My Flying Monkeys in any way liable even if you inform us you intend to use it on a non-zombie. By entering this contest, you release us from any and all liability whatsoever. It is all on you. It's a chainsaw. It's dangerous. Under no circumstances will our liability exceed the value of the chainsaw ($125.00). Any warranty is provided by Amazon and Poulan. Don't blame us if the thing doesn't work when the horde comes a knockin'.

If, you decide you really do want the chainsaw, then you must send me via fax or mail a valid picture ID with date of birth and signed statement saying you are over 21 years old. The chainsaw will only be sent to the individual on the picture ID. In the event the prize is won by someone who is not in the area served by Amazon's "Prime Delivery", or is under 21 years of age, the chainsaw portion of the prize will be a gift card for the value of the chainsaw ($125.00). If there is any legal reason your owning, receiving or winning a chainsaw is not allowed, you are responsible for letting us know and your prize will be a gift card for the value of the chainsaw ($125.00).

If the price of this particular chainsaw goes up, or is not currently available for sale at the end of the contest, I reserve the right to send you a gift card for the value of the chainsaw portion of the prize of $125.00. If for any reason, which I don't forsee right now, the costs would exceed $125.00 to fulfill the prize, my cost would be limited to $125.00 and you would have to take the gift card instead of this really cool chainsaw. You can buy a bag of hammers or Barbie playhouses for all I care.

Posted by Laura at 09:30 PM | Permalink | Comments (130) | TrackBacks (0)

Posted by Laura at 06:52 PM | Permalink | Comments (5) | TrackBacks (0)

Posted by Laura at 06:37 PM | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBacks (0)

It has been an educational week. Not only have I been educating you all with my Facts, but I have been learning how to blog over at Two Nervous Dogs. Apparently I have been doing it all wrong. I will try to do better, but I doubt I will.

There will be blogging this weekend again even though I'm doing it wrong. So all the cool people let me know if I need to go check out your blogs. I don't like just checking on my own. I am extremely lazy and it also pisses me off to pop in to find Friday's, or even Thursday's post, and then come Monday people are all "Oh wow my weekend was so busy! We went to meet Biff and Buffy, yadda yadda." I want to stab you.

Today at work I was sent two pictures of George Clooney with his new girlfriend in two seperate emails. I don't remember this supposed girlfriend's name. I don't want to look it up. I don't want to remember her name. Let's just call her WHORE. Anyway, I'm emailed pics of him with this WHORE and I'm thinking "Goddammit stop sending pictures of this WHORE" Then I got an email from Dogette that read "Oh! I saw Clooney's pic with some 'gal pal' in People magazine this morning. Took a pen out and blacked her teeth out for you. Salon owner LOLd when I explained." Now this is what I'm talking about people! I am going to ask all of you to do the same. When you are out and about having an exciting life and you see a magazine or paper with a picture of George Clooney with the WHORE, please blacken her teeth, give her acne, funky-ass glasses, or just bear down real hard with a pen and scrape her face off for me will you? I would love it. You can even send me a pic of your work or post it on your blog! We'll start a grassroots operation here! But please do not email me for reimbursement when you are forced to pay for defacing these publications. Just know that I appreciate you and your efforts.

Oh, I almost forgot. I learned this in Dogette's Blogging Workshop- "Knowing when to use graphics to ENGAGE your readers."

Posted by Laura at 05:32 PM | Permalink | Comments (10) | TrackBacks (0)

I think the rabies went into my eye. My eye hurts. How weird is that? I googled it and the pics were so fucking gross of eye diseases that I closed it down and am just going with the rabies thingy again.

Oh, and because people seemed to like the pissed off sock monkey that I make, I have decided that I will have another Zombie Survival Giveaway and one of the pissy monkeys will be part of the giveaway. I'm thinking maybe Day of the Dead (November 2) will be the giveaway date unless I do it sooner. It depends how my rabies progresses I suppose.

And I know no one is reading this because you're all out having fun, laughing and drinking wine with your pinkies in the air pretending your date is interesting, but I want some book recommendations. I want to get an audio book because not only do I have just one good eye due to ocular rabies (I made that up-I should be in charge of naming diseases) but I'm too lazy anymore to even turn pages. So if ya'll know any GOOD books, let me know. I like any good story-just no fucking romance. God. I HATE romance stories. So, if you recommend a romance novel I will fucking hunt you down and stab you. I hate biographies too. No one is that interesting to me to warrant a full book. If you recommend a biography I will hunt you down and punch you in the throat. I also dislike mysteries. Non-fiction is kind of boring too. If you recommend a mystery or a non-fiction I won't hunt you down, but you will be dead to me. So let's just say I like horror okay. Just horror. Good horror.

Also, there will be blogging this weekend. Dogette and I have started a campaign to end this "I don't blog on weekends because I have a life and I am busy being a fulfilled human being." bullshit. People, you are not fooling anyone.

So, to wrap it up, I have rabies in my eye, there will be another giveaway with a monkey involved probably on a Mexican holiday because I'm worldly like that, and I need a scary book to listen to because turning pages takes too much energy, and you people need to blog on weekends like the cool people do.

Posted by Laura at 06:46 PM | Permalink | Comments (13) | TrackBacks (0)

I have five sample packs of ZizZazz Energy Mix to give to the first five people that email me. Each packet has one sample of their four "Explosive Energy Mix" flavors: Pom Mango, Lemon Raspberry, Cherry Lime and Tangerine.

You don't have to worry about giving me an address to mail these to unless your initials are GEORGE CLOONEY. Then your samples would be personally delivered. With them sprinkled over my body. Wearing nothing but a smile on my face. Prepared to run like hell when the LAPD shows up. (Hence the title of this entry.)

Sorry for the visual, people. My bad.

Posted by Laura at 08:19 AM | Permalink | Comments (4) | TrackBacks (0)

I have 59 followers on Twitter. Out of those 59 followers only 4 of them are actual humans. The rest are spammers and porn bots that I don't delete because, well, having 4 followers is pretty sad. I leave them for friends list fluff. Out of my 4 human followers, 1 actually tweets to me. That is Gargs. Yes, the same Gargs I talk to on the phone and text message and email all day long. We are like 15 year old giggling girls. I'm the pretty, smart one by the way.

Last night I got on Twitter and started requesting real humans to follow me. It was my feeble attempt at online social acceptance. I got 2 more followers. TWO. That's okay. I am actually surprised I haven't been kicked off of Twitter yet. Besides my penchant for cursing, I like to post pictures like this:

I titled it "I Started Christmas Shopping for Gargs." It probably won't be long before Gargs blocks me. Hey, maybe this is why I have no Twitter friends. Nah. I think my awesomeness just intimidates people.

P.S. I think that soup should be served with two giant Matzo Balls in it.

P.S.S. I won a contest on Twitter and will be receiving a bunch of sample packets of a product called Zizzazz. They told me they will send me some to give away on my blog. So be nice to me, people. I just might send you free things. I am not above buying friends. And by "buying friends", I mean giving them stuff I get free anyway.

Posted by Laura at 04:42 PM | Permalink | Comments (11) | TrackBacks (0)

The Grand Prize Winner and guaranteed survivor of the Zombie Apocalyspe as chosen by Random.Org is:

The Consolation Prize Winner with no guarantee of surviving the Zombie Apocalypse as chosen by Random.Org is:

Congrats Erik and Duane! If you both would email me an address in which to ship your prizes, they shall be mailed this week. And by this week, I mean prior to next Sunday. Let's hope the apocalypse doesn't occur before then.

Thanks for participating everyone!

Posted by Laura at 10:52 AM | Permalink | Comments (7) | TrackBacks (0)

You best be entering THE ZOMBIE SURVIVAL GIVEAWAY EXTRAVAGANZA today. The winners will be chosen by a random generator tomorrow morning. Yes, winners- as in plural. Because I fucking rock, I would like to take this opportunity to inform you that there will be a consolation prize also. Yes, there will be two separate winners.

This prize includes The Zombie Survival Guide, a Zombie Haiku book, a new Shaun of the Dead DVD, a zombie Air Freshener (Dead Pine Tree scent), Crime Scene Bandages, French Toast maker, and a $25 iTunes card. CLICK HERE to enter this giveaway. Comments on this entry will not be used in the giveaway.

This package will probably only get you half as prepared for the zombie apocalypse as the grand prize winner, but you'll still fair better than the average joe.

I'm not setting any definite time to announce the winners because I am lazy and I am making this easy on me. This is also the way I will rule once my world domination plans come through. Everything will be on my schedule and I will use a Magic Eight Ball random generator to make all of my decisions of state. For now all I can tell you is two different winners will be picked, the first for the grand prize, the second for the consolation prize. If the generator picks the same person for second pize, I will keep generating that damn generator until it chooses someone different. My promise to you all is that it will remain out of my hands who the winners will be. I like you all and wish I could give you all a Zombie Survival Kit, but let's face facts here, someone has to be bait.

Posted by Laura at 12:21 PM | Permalink | Comments (4) | TrackBacks (0)

Because May is awesome and so am I, I am here to announce the giveaway. It shall henceforth be called:

THE ZOMBIE SURVIVAL GIVEAWAY EXTRAVAGANZA

Because J told me the legal liability I'd be subject to, I could not give away a weapon. Dammit. So you're going to have to buy your own weapons and supplies. So in order to do that, here is a Holy Toast Maker. You press it into a slice of bread, pop it in the toaster and voila, Holy Toast! Then you can sell these pieces of bread with the image of the Virgin Mary on Ebay. Within no time you should have enough cash to stock up on machetes, guns, canned goods and supplies. Be sure to give good feedback to the buyers.

Next we have two books essential in preparing for the rise of the undead. There's "World War Z: An oral History of the Zombie War" and "The Zombie Survival Guide: Complete Protection from the Living Dead." Both books are full of information vital to surviving the onslaught of zombies that will be knocking down scratching at your door.

Also here's a brand spanking new Shaun of the Dead DVD. A funny zombie movie for folks that don't like to read. I don't think it'll help you much in the event of a zombie attack, but as you're busting a cap in a zombie's head, or smashing him with a cricket bat, you can reflect back to viewing this film and have a little chuckle to yourself. You should always enjoy your work.

Then we have a Zombie Outbreak Survival Kit made by Zombie Emergency Response Operation (Z.E.R.O.)

It contains 20 feet of "Zombie Outbreak" barricade tape, four warning/hazard signs, eight more warning signs, eight Z.E.R.O cards, two zombie disposal toe tags, one " In Case of Zombie Attack" information poster, a "Bite Kit" (disinfectant pad and gauze bandage), one Z.E.R.O. ID lapel pin, one glow in the dark Z.E.R.O. sticker and a CD-ROM Electronic Training Supplement.

And because I imagine zombie killing gets you very stinky and I'm pretty certain come the apocalypse there won't be much soap and running water, I am including in this giveaway two car air fresheners that you can attach to your ammo belt or the beltloops of your Chuck Norris Action Jeans for that new car smell oh so fresh feeling.

One is a "St. Otto Patron Saint of Parking" air freshener, and the other is a "Damn Nelson Mandela, You smell So Good!" air freshener.

You're going to have to have some music to get pumped and keep you going once you start slicing through a horde of zombies. For some folks that could be "Eye of the Tiger" for others it may be some Barry Manilow. Hey, I'm not here to judge you, but of course I do. To complete your Zombie Survival Giveaway Extravaganza here's a $50 iTunes card.

I know you're asking yourself "Self, how can I get all this zombie survival awesomness?" Well here's how: leave a comment saying what song you would enjoy listening to while killing the undead.

The giveaway (over $120 value) will end May 11th and be announced sometime that day. The winner shall be chosen by a random generator from comments that you leave here on this entry. You can leave ONE comment a day until I close it on May 11. You must put in your email (which is never published) with each comment. As per the norm here, comments are moderated and will not appear immediately. If you have any questions, email me. You can say anything in your comments, but nasty mean gets you voted off the island. Anyone LIVING is eligible to enter. Zombies and J are ineligible. Sorry J. Up yours zombie bastards!

Posted by Laura at 04:14 PM | Permalink | Comments (47) | TrackBacks (0)

Good news! J can save my data on my desktop! Yay! My porn pictures and music and addresses are saved!

I'm here to tell you that a very special month is coming up. May is when special people are born. Special as in awesome special, not special as in helmet wearing, short bus riding, drooling special. Yes, next month is my birth month. And in honor of my birth, I am going to have a giveaway. I will give more details out when the time nears. It will be a fun prize. Just don't expect a car or washer/dryer or some shit like that. I'm not the millionaire Pioneer Woman. I'm more like the hundredaire Ghetto Girl. And I promise I won't shove one of my pets in a box. But don't think I didn't think about it.

Also, I have received some emails over the past few weeks and they have given me an idea. As anyone who blogs will attest, some days it's just hard to come up with an entry. I was emailed a few questions and thought that maybe it would be fun to do a Q and A blog sometime. You ask the questions, and I'll answer them to the best of my ability. My email addy is down there on the right. Now, don't go all smartass on me and ask like algebra and physics questions. I have a weiner dog and a box and I know how to use them. You can google that kind of stuff like the rest of us.

Oh, and here's a porn video J was able to save from my diseased computer. Enjoy.

Hilarious. Thanks Gargs!

Posted by Laura at 04:22 PM | Permalink | Comments (10) | TrackBacks (0)

I got 1,000 of these refrigerator magnets for Christmas and after handing some out to all of my friends I now have 998 left. And that includes giving one to the person that gave them to me. So if you want one or more of the coolest fridge magnets in the world (that are guaranteed to repel zombies by the way) just email me your address and I'll send you some. Don't worry, I won't stalk you. I'm way too lazy for that. That is, unless your initials are GEORGE CLOONEY.

Posted by Laura at 05:26 PM | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBacks (0)