I say we take off and nuke the entire site from orbit.
It's the only way to be sure.
I was talking to J the other day about creepy ass shit I can't stand the sight of. Seriously I would burn my house down if I saw one of these in it:
The spider, not the lizard. I like lizards. He argued that you could just call in an exterminator, that there was no need to burn down a house. I'm of the opinion that a lot of things are just too damn evil for regular extermination. And some are like roaches, if you see one, there's thirty you don't. All of these things you need to lock in your house and then set it on fire to destroy them. Your house is forever cursed anyway.
So without further ado, here's a list of some of these things:
If I Saw One Of These In My House I Would Burn It Down Because They Are Totally Fucked Up And Evil And Must Be Destroyed With Fire
1. Any ugly ass insect that's big enough to eat lizards.
2. Any form of a ghost/demon/spirit/angel. That's right, an angel. If I see ANYTHING all floaty and shimmery and talking, I will runout, lock the door, and torch the house.
3. A clown or mime.
4. If Paris Hilton/Lindsay Lohan/Britney Spears used my bathroom.
5. A DMV worker/census taker/Scientologist/Girl Scout/Boy Scout/Brownie.
6. George Clooney's WHORE.
P.S. Speaking of exterminators, go read about my obsession with a new reality show I found on A&E this weekend- Billy The Exterminator. Why didn't someone tell be about this show before?
P.P.S. The Girl Scout can come in if she brought cookies. But really, she can stay on the porch for that couldn't she? So scratch that.
Comments
OMG I think I would burn down my house too if that spider was in it!
LOL@ your list, especially those chicks using your bathroom. lol But I think I would too, or at least mighty strong bleach!
Posted by: Jennifer | March 15, 2010 05:12 AM Comment:1
If I were Billy the Exterminator I would run away screaming like a little girl on all of those things.
Posted by: Joe the Blog Stalker | March 15, 2010 05:15 AM Comment:2
Great "Aliens" quote.
I would at least move if I saw that spider in my house. That's fucked up.
Posted by: Mark in IT | March 15, 2010 05:44 AM Comment:3
OMG, those are "Crabs" from LL & BS & PH and George's whore using your bathroom? I believe a fire is in order....
Posted by: Doni | March 15, 2010 06:16 AM Comment:4
KILL THEM WIH FIRE! And if the house goes, so be it.
Posted by: mary beth | March 15, 2010 08:40 AM Comment:5
I think I would shit myself if I saw that spider in my house. I really would.
Posted by: JT | March 15, 2010 09:28 AM Comment:6
I started to think that simply steam-cleaning followed by THOROUGH decontamination would work for the Trio of Tramps, but realized that it would probably be cheaper and easier to just torch the joint and deal with rebuilding.
Otherwise, I'm pretty damn stubborn, and would put up a fight with who/what ever was invading.
Posted by: Dave Merriman | March 15, 2010 10:14 AM Comment:7
Okay, count me in on the Paris Hilton fry fest. I can’t think of anything better than chaining that narcissistic skank up to my Kohler and letting loose with the napalm. All we have to do is supply her with a laptop and let the festivities begin:
Twitter: ParisHilton
Chillin in HG’s b-room. So cool…
5 minutes ago
Chains match my earrings – bitchen!!!
4 minutes ago
Commode is pink! Hot!!
3 minutes ago
Check out my new line of perfume:
http://www.ParisSkankyStench.com
2 minutes ago
Hello? Where did everybody go?
1 minute ago
OUCHIE!
1 second ago
***LMAO! ~Laura
Posted by: Headless Guy | March 15, 2010 11:22 AM Comment:8
Might not burn down the house, but I sure wouldn't be ever going back in there. I saw that pic yesterday in your sidebar. Brr. Sooooo not amusing. We hates spiders, precious.
Posted by: Nicole | March 15, 2010 12:42 PM Comment:9
I just stumbled across Billy the Exterminator myself. Awesome show. That 7 foot long beehive was amazing and Billy was right; most exterminators would not have bothered taking it down, but Billy did.
**He really does seem like such a nice guy too. ~Laura
Posted by: SB Smith | March 15, 2010 04:03 PM Comment:10
Yeah and you know how on those ghost shows and in "based on a true story" movies about hauntings, there's all this obviously fucked up shit going on in the house and the people DO NOT LEAVE.
WTF? I'm with you, even an "angel" and I'm running out the door and not looking back. But I wouldn't torch it; I would just fax a realtor from a safe-house, out of state. Srsly. "Here. Sell this fucker. Get what you can for it. Mail me the check. I saw something filmy in the hall one night. That is all."
Why do these idiots wait 'til the walls are weeping blood and there's puke shooting out of the kitchen faucet and coins dropping from a chasm that leads to hell which jsut happens to be where the chandelier comes out of the dining room ceiling? W.T.F.
"Too stupid to live." That's what they are.
Posted by: dogette | March 15, 2010 07:03 PM Comment:11
Now that was good Dogette. I just laughed for 20 minutes. hysterical. "Puke shootin out of the faucets". That there is good stuff....
Posted by: Doni | March 15, 2010 10:20 PM Comment:12
I'd have to get one of my guns if I saw that bastard, cause I'm damn certain a shoe wouldn't get it done. As a matter of fact, I think he'd grab the shoe and beat me with it.
Posted by: Buckskins Rule | March 15, 2010 10:30 PM Comment:13
GAH TAKE IT OFF THE SCREEN.
I can't even sideways look at that thing.
I concur with you. Kill it with fire!
Posted by: Artemisia | March 15, 2010 10:49 PM Comment:14
Well. I wouldn't burn down the house, but if I saw that spider/lizard horror in my house, the 12 gauge would definitely be in play.
Sheetrock and other structures behind it be damned.
Posted by: JackCoke | March 16, 2010 08:44 PM Comment:15