A-List Bloggers will tell you they suffer from depression
or some other treatable psychological condition hoping
you can relate to them, but they omit the fact that they
are just plain batshit crazy
Having an A-List blog is harder than it looks. It's not like I became an A-List blogger overnight. Wait. Yes I did. Anyway, now the pressure is on to hold onto the A-List title. This is where my investigational skills came in handy. In my research of A-List bloggers I read a lot of A-List "Mommy Blogs." Yeah, you read that right. I looked at about four or five of them before stopping myself from gouging my own eyes out and noticed they all had a few things in common. First thing I noticed was they were all what's called SAHMs (Stay At Home Moms) and secondly, most were on "mood modification" drugs; anti-depressants, sedatives and stuff like that. Being on these actually endeared them to their fan base. The Queen of all the Mommy Bloggers, Dooce, is on mega drugs and is always having to go get them tweaked when her crazy becomes immune to the current ones. Her fans find this delightful and go on and on and thank her for making crazy AWESOME or something. Seriously. I had a friend who had kids and was crazy and had her meds tweaked all the time and all she got was a few DSS investigations. She should have had a blog.
Anyway, I'm single and have to work, and that Baptist I gave a down payment to for a Haitian kid rental hasn't returned my calls, so I can't be a SAHM for A-List Blog Month. I can, however, take drugs. Though it's been suggested to me numerous times in my life to go get "professional help" and seek "treatment" I never did. I do, however, go to the doctor a lot, what with having rabies, and that one bout of feline leukemia. There are lots of meds in my bathroom medicine cabinet. So I went through them looking for medication I take that could be considered "mood modification" drugs which I could possibly write about and endear my fan base (all five of you) to me. I found these:
The Midol is pretty much self-explanatory but I bet you're wondering why the hell I consider Flintstone Vitamins to be a "mood modification" drug. Well, they keep me on an even keel. Last time I came off of them I shot a man in Reno just to watch him die. Okay, it wasn't in Reno. And well, it wasn't really a man, it was my brother. And I was like eight and he was nine. And I didn't exactly shoot him; I kicked him in the nuts. Really hard. But you get the idea. I can't get off the Barneys, man. Bad things happen.
A-List Blogger Crazy- Check.
Comments
FIRST!
Isn't that what commenters strive for on an A-List Blog- to be first? Well AH HA! I did it!
Oh, mommy bloggers. Mind numbing.
Posted by: Joe the Blog Stalker | February 2, 2010 07:01 AM Comment:1
I checked out that Dooce blog and girl, you are so right. She has problems. Like major mental ones.
I prefer your crazy. lol
Posted by: Jennifer | February 2, 2010 07:05 AM Comment:2
"that Baptist I gave a down payment to for a Haitian kid rental hasn't returned my calls"
That's funny shit right there.
Posted by: Mark in IT | February 2, 2010 07:59 AM Comment:3
If you must do the hardcore Flintstones route, do the gummy version. Trust me.
Posted by: LeeAnn | February 2, 2010 08:40 AM Comment:4
What if you are not a SAHM mom but still take mood enhancers? Does that make you a B list or a C list?
*** Taking meds doesn't define you. Just the craziness that can't be contained does. lol The crazier the better!~Laura
Posted by: Maeve | February 2, 2010 09:30 AM Comment:5
I just rent my crazy. Problem is they want to charge me x-tra for the meds. I ain't paying extra for that shit. They charge enough for the crazy, yanno?
Posted by: jw | February 2, 2010 10:47 AM Comment:6
I've got some leftover vicodin from a surgery that I had last year...I could try popping one of those and writing a blog! The only problem is that whenever I take vicodin, I turn into a hot-drooly-mess and my blog would probably look something like "mprhhrrrooogglspss. Love druuuuuugggghss. Marshlkjrrllllph."
It could be my best writing yet.
Posted by: kate | February 2, 2010 10:59 AM Comment:7
I love to read your A-List blog because you ARE NOT a mommy blogger. I have kids (teenagers - almost the same thing) I sure don't want to read about someone elses precious snowflakes - I want to ESCAPE from them for a few minutes.
I agree with LeeAnn - gummies are the way to go.
Posted by: gatorgirl4325 | February 2, 2010 11:23 AM Comment:8
Ok, I guess I have to go find out who this Dooce character is that is supposedly an A list blogger. Does it make me a lame ass not to know who this person is? I don't think I read any Mommy Bloggers, though I do read the blogs of several Moms, including my own. I mean, if I didn't hit my own blog regularly I would have no hits at all. Right?
My kids are always giving me a look and saying, "ya know, they have medication for that"
Is it a plus for me that I haven't pursued the option? I mean, isn't it my crazy that endears me to the rest of my small world?
Posted by: patti | February 2, 2010 11:30 AM Comment:9
The next time we go to Sam's I am buying you that half-pallet of Flintstones vitamins whether you want 'em or not.
Posted by: J | February 2, 2010 02:19 PM Comment:10
The craziness that can't be contained? Well hell then! I'm GOLDEN!
LOL!
Posted by: Maeve | February 2, 2010 03:32 PM Comment:11
When I saw that last line about "the Barneys', I laughed so hard I think the neighbors heard it...
When I was a little kid, I once ate an entire bottle of Flintstone vitamins...because I r a genius. I spent the next five days barfing up everything I had ever eaten, and I believe I might have lost a few internal organs in the process.
So I can verify that coming down off the Barneys can produce BAD results...
Posted by: D.W. | February 2, 2010 04:36 PM Comment:12
Dooce is primarily known for being, um, dooced: she was employed, employer found the blog, employer read the blog, she was unemployed. The exact details are lost in the custard of history, but I suspect things might have gone better for her had she popped a couple of Wilmas.
Posted by: CGHill | February 2, 2010 04:40 PM Comment:13
Does the fact that I am mother to a black cat mean I am a mummy blogger? Perhaps I'm a really bad one because I hardly ever talk about her on my blog. No wonder I'm not A-list.
Posted by: Tracey | February 2, 2010 05:24 PM Comment:14
Hmm, does this mean Laura is a mummy blogger? wiener dog, cats...
Posted by: patti | February 2, 2010 05:58 PM Comment:15
Well, I'm just sitting around waiting for the rabies to set in, now that I've stolen my A-List creds from you and Dogette.
Mostly, I'm just waiting for the crazy blog-money to come rolling in!
Posted by: Joan of Argghh! | February 2, 2010 08:03 PM Comment:16
You know what bums me out- I am a blogger who became a mommy so I guess I am a mommy blogger. Is that how its happens? You are bloggin along as the the bitch who blogs and you have a kids ... Oh wait, now I could go a-list if I go on prozac. I would rather just drink heavily-
Oh wait, I can never be an a-lister because I have J-O-B that takes me out of the house.
Ha-ha-ha -- and not to make today show appearances to justify drinking cocktails or pimping - oops I meant - glorifying my kid or to promo my book. I have one of those teeth gnashing- competitive - no yoga pants wearing kind of gigs... Damn, hopes dashed for a-list glory.
OMG- I am blog jacking- must stop myself now.
Posted by: zombie mom | February 2, 2010 09:49 PM Comment:17
bwa ha ha ha ha I'm not a SAHM but I am certifiably "crazy" and definitely talk about it...and w/o my meds I'm a loon. I'll soon be a WAHM. Will that bump me up to B list?
*** Yes, I am afraid so. Sorry. But if you have any other sort of job you are bumped down the alphabet. I totally made that up- but that's okay, I'm an A-List Blogger and I set the rules. ~Laura
Posted by: Megscole64 | February 3, 2010 01:02 PM Comment:18
I think if you are a stay-at-home mom you are automatically batshit crazy. At least that's what put me over the edge.
Posted by: schambers | February 3, 2010 07:10 PM Comment:19
Well, shit! I'm a SAHTTTW - Stay at home trailer trash trophy wife! My kids are grown and gone. It's only me and my old man in this candominium and yes, I AM on drugs.
Posted by: Pat | February 6, 2010 11:56 PM Comment:20