We'd better stock up on powdered potatoes and
Vienna Sausages because apparently the plan is
to starve us out
“My grandmother was not a highly educated woman, but she told me as a small child to quit feeding stray animals. You know why? Because they breed....You’re facilitating the problem if you give an animal or a person ample food supply...They will reproduce, especially ones that don’t think too much further than that. And so what you’ve got to do is you've got to curtail that type of behavior. They don’t know any better.”
Andre, Andre, Andre. You need to stop being so obvious. Your recklessness is blowing your cover. The Lord of Darkness will not be happy.
Lt. Gov. Andre Bauer has made a pact with Satan. That is the only answer that makes sense. He will get away with this idiocy. He will be the next governor of South Carolina. Then he will be President of the United States. He went from being a cheerleader at the University of South Carolina to selling sports gear, to being elected to the S.C. House of Representatives. Then he was elected to be the Lieutenant Governor of South Carolina. Now, I'm guessing the pact with Satan was made during cheerleading tryouts. Then probably after seeing his splits and spirit fingers, Satan had further plans for him.
During his political career he has had two car wrecks, four tickets (he was NOT ticketed when he was pulled over doing 100 mph in Chester County), and he has had his license suspended. All of these in SPITE of a law here that says that a representative may not be ticketed or stopped while he is travelling for official purposes, so who knows how many incidents there actually have been. Once he was pulled over downtown doing 60 mph in a 35 mph zone and running two red lights. He jumped out of his car and charged at the police screaming "Do you know who I am!?" The cop even had his gun drawn on him demanding he halt. Andre did not halt. Andre did not get shot. You or I, and almost everyone I know would have been shot. But you and I and the people I know don't have a pact with the devil. Andre does. And a pact with Satan is better than any body armor made.
I know you're thinking, "But Laura, that's just a politician getting away with speeding violations." Yeah, well, Andre also survived a plane crash in 2006. A PLANE CRASH. A plane he was piloting. He limped away with a broken heel. This is what was said about him by his flight instructor- “He used very poor judgment. I hope he doesn’t fly anymore. He gives aviation a bad name.” I wonder if that instructor has ever been seen again? It was widely alleged at the time that Andre was drinking and flying. Why not party it up when Satan is your co-pilot? There is that whole pact/body armor thing after all.
Still not convinced? Here's a pic I took of him that almost nobody has seen. Ladies and gentlemen meet the future President of the United Sates-
*In case you're wondering, I believe able-bodied people who are down and out should have to earn government assistance. I hate that our safety net has been turned into a hammock by so many. I understand what he's saying, but I believe he said it coarsely and stupidly, and I also believe Andre Bauer is an asshole.
Comments
It is the fearless and apparently thoughtless leaders of this great nation and it's states that make me just so darn proud to be an American.
Seriously, proud.
Yeah. Good times, man.
BTW, Laura have Jack pick my name in your drawing for free crap. Politics depress me, my boss irritates the snot out of me, the cold is getting tiresome, and the state of my checkbook is highly disturbing. Now would be an excellent time to break my streak of bad luck and have a dog prefer me to anyone else who reads your blog. Just imagine what it would do for my esteem. It would be majorly philanthropic of him. I'd nominate him for the Nobel Peace Prize. He'd look so impressive accepting the prize in his jester cap. Maybe the President would shake his paw and he could get so excited he'd pee on the president's shoes.
Ahhh. One must have dreams....
*** Jack can be bribed. But with treats. He's like me- awards and titles mean nothing to him. It's all about the treats, man! ~Laura
Posted by: Janie Jones | January 26, 2010 08:56 PM Comment:1
Well, until we elected a guy named Barack, I would have thought that we would be safe from a guy with a French name like Andre.
Clearly Obama's election was merely a clever ruse to throw us off target from the REAL guy who made a pact with the devil.
That damned Satan thinks of everything!
*** You made me laugh out loud! Yes, Satan is one clever sonofabitch. AND why don't you have a blog, JackCoke? ~Laura
Posted by: JackCoke | January 26, 2010 09:11 PM Comment:2
The things Laura mentions are the publicly known things Andre has done. I was, in a former life, active in SC Republican politics (back before they went nuts). There is more that isn't talked about much. The guy is a bit of a back-stabber and I wouldn't trust him further than I could throw...no that isn't right...he is a bantam rooster of a little twerp. Let's just say don't trust him unless your interests perfectly and permanently correspond to his.
Posted by: J | January 26, 2010 09:34 PM Comment:3
Why don't I have a blog? I guess it's because the only somewhat interesting theme that I can think of would consist of posts about the following three topics:
1. People I hate.
2. Things that I have shot (a pretty extensive list.)
3. Things that I would like to shoot, which pretty much covers anything that isn't covered by category #2.
In other words, I could just post a copy of Webster's Dictionary and call it good.
***Ummm, like having Stab Lists? lol Who says you have to be interesting to blog? I never got that memo- thank God. ~Laura
Posted by: JackCoke | January 26, 2010 09:50 PM Comment:4
I'm *always* asking Jack why he doesn't have a blog. He really should. J should too. We would call each other "A-list bloggers" and be all haughty with our 2 readers and have fun.
Posted by: dogette | January 26, 2010 10:13 PM Comment:5
The election of a male cheerleader to President of the US has got to be one of the seven seals breaking, right? The whole damn country will need to turn in whatever man cards they may have left.
*** You made me laugh out loud too! I should post about politicians more often. NOT! ~ Laura
Posted by: Nicole | January 26, 2010 10:15 PM Comment:6
Okay, I have said this before, He is a hotty and I would so do him. I am used to politicians saying dumb things.
In Arizona we have a Republican Governor and a legislature that has been controlled by the Republicans since the 60's and they still blame the Democrats for the budget mess we are in.
And get this! The people believe them! WTF!
And lest you forget, GWB was a cheerleader at Yale.
**** Dude, can you get me some government cheese still? lol ~ Laura
Posted by: Gargs The Quiet One | January 26, 2010 10:34 PM Comment:7
What's really, really, REALLY sad is that our elected officials probably actually _do_ represent the majority of the American people. T-Rex and Flying Spaghetti Monster save us all...
*** I think the most perplexing thing is when any politician displaying all this bad behavior just keeps getting elected. It just amazes me, so I am blaming it all on the whole selling of soul thing. ~Laura
Posted by: Dave Merriman | January 27, 2010 01:24 AM Comment:8
Ugg I hate Andre. He's a jerk. I don't know anybody that likes him in Columbia. He must have a pact with the devil is the only explanation. But you know, he's the only reason Stanford kept his office after the whole lover in Argentina thing- people cringed thinking Andre would take his place- so maybe he won't make it any further in politics. We can hope anyway!
Posted by: Jennifer | January 27, 2010 06:15 AM Comment:9
You do know that this little turd probably sits around and googles himself all day, right? I know you do. Hey Andre- you're an asshole.
Posted by: Mark in IT | January 27, 2010 06:45 AM Comment:10
Yep. Andre sounds like a noobhole to me...
Posted by: D.W. | January 27, 2010 07:28 AM Comment:11
KILL HIM WITH FIRE!
Sorry, but I saw where you said that over in your links about that robot baby and it made me laugh.
Posted by: mary beth | January 27, 2010 09:14 AM Comment:12
We, the people, are indispensible. A public official is not. That is proven by the new health care thing going on.
Oh, and that last paragraph....I AGREE TOTALLY!
Posted by: Becky | January 27, 2010 09:28 AM Comment:13
He's a douchebag.
Posted by: Daniel J | January 27, 2010 11:23 AM Comment:14
Yeah, sounds like this guy is just what we all need- jeeze, I bet he calls himself a conservative too doesn't he? I hope he gets all exposed for something or other before he can win. "Do you know who I am?" crap, who DOES he think he is? 60 in downtown C -SC? I've been there, you could kill folks like that - Thinks he's T Rex doesn't he. Sorry - at least you don't have what we've had the last bazillian years, the corruption would rival Mexico or Haiti. Seriously.
Cool crap, want some - pretty please with sugar and whipped cream and a cherry on top?
Posted by: patti | January 27, 2010 11:23 AM Comment:15
Wow...just wow. And I thought that the ultra-conservative Bible thumpers here in Kansas were bad. If you mysteriously disappear after writing this, should we send a search party after Andre?
Posted by: kate | January 27, 2010 02:06 PM Comment:16
Politics stab them all
Jack pick me for cool stuff
Posted by: Trish | January 27, 2010 04:26 PM Comment:17
Wow, he is super evil. No shortage of the prototypical evil pol though.
love the stab list, love the attention whoring and also still love your stuff
Posted by: zombie mom | January 27, 2010 06:34 PM Comment:18
Was he really a male cheer leader. Srsly?
Anyway I have no idea who that man is so I should shut up. But I'm with you on the hammock analogy.
Posted by: alison | January 28, 2010 04:41 PM Comment:19
Can't say that I've heard of this guy, but thanks for the heads up on this slime ball.
Posted by: Pat | January 31, 2010 05:19 PM Comment:20