Fetch My Flying Monkeys

This poem concludes Bad Poetry Week. I know this makes you sad. But I promise I'll do more in the future. Unless you want to pay me not to. That's how I run my stripper business by the way. I get paid not to. I make a lot of money. But I digress. Gargs requested a poem on a subject matter near and dear to my heart (besides George Clooney)- animal attacks. I decided to write this one for the children. 

They'll Fuck Your Shit Up
A bedtime nursery rhyme by Laura

Gather 'round kiddies and we'll even have snacks.
While we talk about one of my favorite things-animal attacks.
There's lions and tigers and bears and lots more too.
Actually almost any animal that lives in a zoo.
They'll fuck your shit up.

People pay good money to go on safari.
But step out of the Land Rover and you'll soon be sorry.
Though the big cats look cute and oh so pettable.
To them you're an appetizer and nothing but edible.
They'll fuck your shit up.

When walking the trails through the moutain terrain.
You'll want to bring food, but please refrain.
The bears find it irresistible to come and beg.
But they won't stop with your granola, they'll take a leg.
They'll fuck your shit up.

You decide to take a swim in the big blue ocean.
Swimming around and around making a commotion.
Along will come sharks to rip and tear you apart.
Hell, even stingrays will strike and barb your heart.
They'll fuck your shit up.

While you think you're safe walking through the big cities.
There's always rabid foxes, squirrels and kitties.
And don't forget pit bulls aren't always restrained.
They'll jump your ass after they bust their chains.
They'll fuck your shit up.

Bad children get eaten first is the general rule.
Seeing little whiney brats makes most carnivores drool.
So behave, mind your manners, and don't be a turd.
Remember all children should be seen and not heard.
Or you'll get your shit all fucked up.

Sweet Dreams.