Fetch My Flying Monkeys

Valentine's Day is almost upon us and in continuing my research on OkCupid.com it became obvious to me that most of the men that have listings there need help. And not just the professional kind, but help with the process of setting up a profile. First let's cover the profile photos. Here are some of the common errors of photo choices I stumbled upon.

Taking a photo of yourself in a bathroom mirror.

Nothing screams "I am so all alone and I have no friends" louder. Hire someone to take one of you if you must.

And guys, let's just say all bathroom photos are a big no-no, okay?

This is NOT sexy. It's sad. But at least your tub looks clean, so you get a special bear point.

Next we have the "I Am So Sensitive I Own A Cat" picture. Guys, when taking these photos make sure the cat that you borrow at least appears to like you.

Or that you even like the cat.

And for God's sake, don't just go out and randomly pick up animals for a photo. It's dangerous.

It could win you one of these special bear points.

And you can love nature, just don't LOVE NATURE.

Posting a pic of you with your last girlfriend is never a good idea on a single's site.

And you Asian guys that are now living in America, get new photos. Your old ones look kind of...what's the word...poster-like? As in "Wanted."

I also see a few attractive guys that feel compelled to post pictures of themselves in ridiculous apparel.

Dude, you are not so cute that this doesn't make you look like a total douche.

And speaking of douches ladies, you better hide yours.