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Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/admin/class.options.metapanel.php on line 49 FUCK. THIS. SHIT. | Fetch My Flying Monkeys
George and his wifey WHORE. Whatever happened to "I'll never marry", you LYING BASTARD!?!
I know I haven’t been blogging lately, and I don’t know when I will exactly. Right now I’m over here crying into a gallon container of Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Häagen-Dazs listening to Air Supply’s ‘All Out of Love’ on my iPod on repeat. As soon as I’m strong enough to switch-up to Gloria Gaynor’s ‘I Will Survive’, I will return once more to spew my insanity here. Now excuse me whilst I go get another serving spoon for my ice cream. I broke the other in a hysterical fit of rage accidently.
I am sorry for your loss. You have my most sincere condolences. You and your family will be in our prayers. I’ll light a candle at church and pray that you find the strength to get through these most difficult of days.
Clooney…that devilish bastard…I was typing along and my computer ATE my entire rant. I think it was Clooney protecting his new wife-whore. Anyway, the short version is — WHAT IS UP WITH HER EARS!?? You can take solace in the apparent fact that you didn’t have big enough ears for him, darling.
Laura, he justs wants someone to wash his underwear and cut his toenails. You are better than that. I mean TOENAILS. Fuck. That. Shit. Rum raisin s good, too.
I was worried about you Laura after I saw the news they had landed and all the stars came out. I started looking in the background of all the pictures. No Laura stalking in the background I was thankful for that. Yet we hadn’t heard from you so I anxiously awaited to see how you were holding up. I know this is a sad time right now but zombie practice should make you feel better or yeah and some circus peanuts.
But yes, the one I pity is Clooney. He’s obviously being blackmailed into this horrendous arrangement. He probably still keeps the 8×5 glossy you sent him (you did send him one, yes?) folded in his shoe where it will be safe from his non-toenail clipping non sock washing wife.
Because obviously, if she could keep him from a dalliance with you through her evil powers, she’s not going to do his socks.
He only married that lawyer whore so he could run for office! Bet you gin to vodka he runs for Gov. of California. You are not suited to be a political wife. I mean, look how it ended for Arnold and Maria, unlike Maria, you would pop a cap in George’s ass once he got an ugly maid pregnant in your own house. Plus, you really don’t want to have to answer questions about hobos and dead hooker parts (which I am sure he CANNOT appreciate). You are too good for him!
P.S. She wore my grandmother’s tablecloth to her wedding!!!!
P.S.S. Those EARS!!!!!
I am sorry for your loss (though a little relieved because with a title of “fuck this shit” I thought for sure there would be another pic of a Jurassic insect invasion and I didn’t think I needed to see that right before bed )
In that case I might send some snaps of the tame-sized-cuz-I’m-in-Virginia-but-still-too-big-for-me bodies of dead spiders I’ve been finding to help. (for reals I feel a little betrayed by his I’m staying a bachelor now married crap too and I wasn’t even all that hot for him )
I hadn’t notice the EARS before. They only help prove my theory that she used to be a man. Said that from day one. Them’s man ears if I’ve ever seen man ears, and trust me, I’ve seen plenty.
Wow! am I up-to-date or what?? Damn, she got some big ears (all the better to hear you…etc. heh, heh). Are they that big because of the earrings, or do they need to be that big to hold up those sunglasses?
I am sorry for your loss. You have my most sincere condolences. You and your family will be in our prayers. I’ll light a candle at church and pray that you find the strength to get through these most difficult of days.
Thank you. YOU understand.
I thought of you, when I saw the news report. I have no advice, except be discreet.
Hmmm. I do have a very particular set of skills. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like this…
I lost my BF this week too
FUCK EM!
YEAH! FUCK THOSE BASTARDS! Here, have some ice cream.
If you need my help let me know. Another felony at this point will make no difference.
*Makes note.
Thank God for ice cream. Ice cream and cheesecake. And maybe a copy of The Anarchist’s Cookbook.
And bacon sammiches.
Clooney…that devilish bastard…I was typing along and my computer ATE my entire rant. I think it was Clooney protecting his new wife-whore. Anyway, the short version is — WHAT IS UP WITH HER EARS!?? You can take solace in the apparent fact that you didn’t have big enough ears for him, darling.
Yes, my ears are NORMAL AND I wasn’t a fancy humanitarian lawyer WHORE!!
Humanitarian lawyer is an HUGE oxymoron…until you add whore to it. Then it makes perfect sense.
A huge. Not AN huge. I hate typing.
LOL.
Laura, he justs wants someone to wash his underwear and cut his toenails. You are better than that. I mean TOENAILS. Fuck. That. Shit. Rum raisin s good, too.
Ewww, well he can have his toenail-clippin’ WHORE.
You could go hobo hunting…Jest trying to find a outlet for your anguish or angelfish how ever you spell it…..
That’s an idea…
Be strong. This “marriage” cannot last long. (Unless she hypnotized him, the cunning bitch.)
Will pray for you. And for him, to escape her wily, treacherous, evil clutches.
SHE’S A SUCCUBUS!
I was worried about you Laura after I saw the news they had landed and all the stars came out. I started looking in the background of all the pictures. No Laura stalking in the background I was thankful for that. Yet we hadn’t heard from you so I anxiously awaited to see how you were holding up. I know this is a sad time right now but zombie practice should make you feel better or yeah and some circus peanuts.
And gin…lots of gin.
I can’t say sorry for your loss cuz he’s the loser and is not smart enough to know how much better you are than that SUCCUBUS WHORE WIFE of his.
You’re my new best friend.
SUCCUBUS ? Wow, maybe that’s why he married her…I mean a whole bus? Damn…does she have a sister?
I bet she does more than a bus.
Thank you for reminding me of this.
But yes, the one I pity is Clooney. He’s obviously being blackmailed into this horrendous arrangement. He probably still keeps the 8×5 glossy you sent him (you did send him one, yes?) folded in his shoe where it will be safe from his non-toenail clipping non sock washing wife.
Because obviously, if she could keep him from a dalliance with you through her evil powers, she’s not going to do his socks.
LOL. He dropped a disco ball on my heart. That sonsabitch. And yes, he is the one to be pitied!
I’m so sorry for your loss !
However, I must say that my first thought re: his marriage to Ears was, “This Won’t Last Long.”
Hang in there !
I bet it won’t either!
But just LOOK at her ears!!! They’re humongous! He married Dumbo!
I KNOW! Ugh. I have NORMAL EARS!!
He only married that lawyer whore so he could run for office! Bet you gin to vodka he runs for Gov. of California. You are not suited to be a political wife. I mean, look how it ended for Arnold and Maria, unlike Maria, you would pop a cap in George’s ass once he got an ugly maid pregnant in your own house. Plus, you really don’t want to have to answer questions about hobos and dead hooker parts (which I am sure he CANNOT appreciate). You are too good for him!
P.S. She wore my grandmother’s tablecloth to her wedding!!!!
P.S.S. Those EARS!!!!!
True, true, I couldn’t have anyone digging up my
backyardpast. Those ears are frightening.I was wondering when you’d talk about this. You deserve better, girl! You’re too good for him!
I AM!
I am sorry for your loss (though a little relieved because with a title of “fuck this shit” I thought for sure there would be another pic of a Jurassic insect invasion and I didn’t think I needed to see that right before bed )
I’d rather see the bugs than see George married!! That’s how much I care.
In that case I might send some snaps of the tame-sized-cuz-I’m-in-Virginia-but-still-too-big-for-me bodies of dead spiders I’ve been finding to help. (for reals I feel a little betrayed by his I’m staying a bachelor now married crap too and I wasn’t even all that hot for him
)
HE’S A GODDAMN LIAR IS WHAT HE IS!!!!
Oh honey….i’ve been totally verkempt for days!! It was selfish of me not to recognize your obvious pain earlier…
ps…and WHAT is with those ears???
She’s a DUMBO WHORE. Her ears are peen radar.
I hadn’t notice the EARS before. They only help prove my theory that she used to be a man. Said that from day one. Them’s man ears if I’ve ever seen man ears, and trust me, I’ve seen plenty.
YES! Or an alien WHORE.
Whores need love too. Or something like it.
So he’s probably not as gay as I thought he was. Unless she’s a tranny, which is possible.
With a jaw like that? You bet your size 15 stilettos she is!
Wow! am I up-to-date or what?? Damn, she got some big ears (all the better to hear you…etc. heh, heh). Are they that big because of the earrings, or do they need to be that big to hold up those sunglasses?
She’s a stank.