Everyone needs a fleet of flying monkeys to rip the stuffing out of the annoying people in their lives

— Laura

She’ll probably get Teacher of the Year.

By Laura On August 8, 2014 · 20 Comments

A few days ago J and I were sitting in a restaurant when J started reading news on his phone. This was the conversation to the best of my recollection:

J: “Oh wow, a teacher showed up for school on her first day drunk and wearing no pants.”

Me: “Was she fired?”

J: “Doesn’t say, but I would think so.”

Me: “Well now, she just went to level ‘non-functioning’.”

J: “What?”

Me: “As in a ‘non-functioning alcoholic.’ I worked with a bunch of drunk bitches that were functioning alcoholics at my last job.”

J: “How’d you know they were functioning alcoholics?”

Me: “Well, Mister Man, for one thing none of them showed up to work with no pants on. It’s like a litmus test on ‘what kind of drunk are you’ kind of thing.”

J: *sarcastically* ”You know so much about so many things.”

Me: “Yes I do and it’s about time you recognized my brilliance too. Now go out to the car and bring me my pants.”

20 Comments

20 Responses to She’ll probably get Teacher of the Year.

Jena says:

August 8, 2014 at 7:13 am

yea, i saw it yesterday. she was arrested by the pic i saw. wasnt worth reading. and why was J looking at his phone when you were right there!?

Reply
- Laura says:
  
  August 8, 2014 at 7:50 am
  
  He likes to catch up on the news whilst I stuff my face with pie. We’re like an old married couple.
  
  Reply
Tina says:

August 8, 2014 at 9:47 am

The Husband is always on his phone at dinner too, I hate it sometimes. But since I now have Pintrest on my phone things are better

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- Laura says:
  
  August 8, 2014 at 10:45 am
  
  Also put Tumblr on there. They have porn.
  
  Reply
Mark12A says:

August 8, 2014 at 10:40 am

So what happens to the ordinary decent teachers who only have sex with students? There was one first-year female teacher who had been a cheerleader in college teaching in my high school…

But I digress. Drunk is okay, and a little roll in the locker room is not?

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- Laura says:
  
  August 8, 2014 at 10:47 am
  
  Those pesky rules of conduct.
  
  Reply
Jennifer says:

August 8, 2014 at 1:11 pm

Well, did J go get your pants for you?!

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- Laura says:
  
  August 9, 2014 at 8:17 am
  
  lol. No, the bastard!
  
  Reply
JO says:

August 8, 2014 at 1:49 pm

I am so happy you are back. Maybe she was rejoicing too, just got carried away.

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- Laura says:
  
  August 8, 2014 at 2:56 pm
  
  LOL Yes, she was celebrating my return to the blog world! Every one should celebrate my return like that. Drunk and no pants.
  
  Reply
  - Jess says:
    
    August 8, 2014 at 3:54 pm
    
    Yeah, you’re right. I know I did.
    
    Reply
    - Laura says:
      
      August 8, 2014 at 4:41 pm
      
      LOL. TMI.
      
      Reply
Suzanne says:

August 8, 2014 at 8:47 pm

Sobriety and pants are over-rated. Fact.

Reply
- Laura says:
  
  August 9, 2014 at 8:06 am
  
  True dat.
  
  Reply
Practical Parsimony says:

August 9, 2014 at 4:37 am

If a person is so drunk she forgets her pants, how did she manage to get the car started and remember where she worked? (rhetorical)

Reply
- Laura says:
  
  August 9, 2014 at 8:06 am
  
  I know, right?! I would have blamed Ambien. lol
  
  Reply
Peggy S. says:

August 9, 2014 at 6:22 am

I think I had that teacher! LOL!!

Reply
- Laura says:
  
  August 9, 2014 at 8:16 am
  
  I think we all have.
  
  Reply
Jason says:

August 9, 2014 at 7:33 am

That’s pretty bad when you can’t stay sober for the first day of work. I always wait until the second week.

Reply
- Laura says:
  
  August 9, 2014 at 8:16 am
  
  At the very least! lol
  
  Reply