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This message is not sponsored nor approved by Kristen Bell. | Fetch My Flying Monkeys
Everyone needs a fleet of flying monkeys to rip the stuffing out of the annoying people in their lives
— Laura

I pretty much like all animals. But do you want to know one animal that no matter how much the internet tries to tell me is adorable I find just disgusting and heinous as hell? A sloth.

Ugh.

That is one ugly motherfucker right there. Squishy little head with a soup bowl haircut, beady eyes, and just look at those damned claws! And not only is this creature ugly, but he’s got to stink like shit. Dude doesn’t have an anus. That’s right, NO BUTTHOLE. It shits out of his skin pores! Nasty. Know what else is nasty as hell about this abomination? Besides being so fucking retarded that sometimes he’ll grab his own arms thinking they’re tree limbs and fall to his death, he’s so fucking slow that algae and moss will grow on him.

"Oh, let me pet his beautiful fur." NOT.

Now don’t try to tell me that all of God’s creatures are beautiful or some shit like that. If that were true I’d have gone with cross-eyed Johnny Banks to the prom. These motherfuckers are disgusting and no matter how many pictures are posted or how many videos I watch on the internet of them, I just don’t like them.

Well, okay, that’s kind of cute.

So’s that.

OH GODDAMMIT. Nevermind.

37 Comments
 

37 Responses to This message is not sponsored nor approved by Kristen Bell.

  1. Jess says:

    Since they don’t have an asshole, when they fart, does it sound like thousands of Jiminy Crickets that ate bad burritos?

  2. Jena says:

    You nailed it. I don’t like them. Yes, the babies are cute… never liked them fuckers. I didnt know about the no butthole; never cared enough to research. Just don’t like them.

  3. Jena says:

    According to wikipedia “Sloths go to the ground to urinate and defecate about once a week, digging a hole and covering it afterwards. They go to the same spot each time and are vulnerable to predation while doing so. “

  4. Dannie says:

    Ewww so

  5. Dannie says:

    What happens if they have a stomach ache?

  6. Burnin Bridge's says:

    Well, I know there r a lot of Hispanic folks in my neck of the woods,who have these for pets. They have always steeped me out cuz they r so slow o w but that picture u have of the moldy one REALLY did me in…. now I will have very bad dreams

  7. Holiday says:

    OH OH OH OMG… YOU’RE BACK!!! I actually love catching up on the last few posts u did. Can’t tell u how thrilled I am.. I mean WE ARE… I think k I speak for all us MONKEY JUNKIES out here…great to see you

  8. Tammy says:

    shocking. another animal that’s cute as a baby and ugly as hell as an adult. lol

  9. Canton says:

    They WHAT? They SHIT thru their skin? I know people that must do that. At least that would explain
    a lot

  10. Kevin says:

    Kind of like a lot of humans. Cute when they a babies then uglier than shit as they grow older

  11. Rosie says:

    The three-toed sloths are cute; they look like they are tipsy and/or high!

    :)

    The two-toed ones, not so cute, I don’t care for the piggish nose.

  12. Kim says:

    You’ve returned!!!!!!!!111111
    I deactivated my FB account so haven’t kept upthisisawesomeyayyayyay.

    I know some board members who apparently (hi little viral internet boy) shit through their skin. They must. Only explanation for why they are what they are.

    Anyway, welcome back!

  13. geef says:

    Great, I just Googled “sloth anus”

  14. Mark12A says:

    Who the fuck is Kristen Bell? Does she have algae and bugs too?

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