Everyone needs a fleet of flying monkeys to rip the stuffing out of the annoying people in their lives

— Laura

Here’s another story involving J because I don’t work with bitches anymore to complain about. Poor J.

By Laura On January 15, 2014 · 28 Comments

I made the mistake of sharing a Netflix account with J. Well okay, not really “share”, but more like “know his password.” And because there’s no privacy setting for a moocher he gets to see my viewing history. And it’s not that I’m really ashamed of my viewing, it’s not like I watch midget porn, because there is no midget porn on Netflix. Believe me, if there was y’all know I’d be proud of watching that shit too. The thing is, I have to listen to him constantly ragging me about the type of shows I watch. You see, I watch mainly horror movies or shows about drug addicts or whores. And sometimes, if I’m really lucky, there might be two or even all three in one show. I call this either a double, because most addicts become whores, or a triple if there is a scary movie with an addict whore. A triple, of course, being like winning the trifecta. So anyway, he becomes all Movie Critic Nazi and is like “Oh my God Laura why do you watch such crap!” And I’m all “Shut the fuck up, ‘Whores’ Glory’ is on!”

What the motherfucker doesn’t realize is you learn shit from these shows. You learn survival skills. You learn what to avoid. You learn about life. Take this scene from the epic 1991 movie ”Whore” that I watched in my youth:

You see, life is that man in the hotdog shirt, always wanting to fuck you up the ass and you just gotta flip it off.

28 Comments

28 Responses to Here’s another story involving J because I don’t work with bitches anymore to complain about. Poor J.

Jackie says:

January 15, 2014 at 6:40 am

EPIC whore click! LOL! Love it!

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Jackie says:

January 15, 2014 at 6:41 am

clip… clip… I meant CLIP!!

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- Laura says:
  
  January 15, 2014 at 10:23 am
  
  It sounds better as “click.” Ha!
  
  Reply
Suzanne says:

January 15, 2014 at 7:19 am

I have a meeting later with the company jerk-off. Thanks for the timely video training on proper management techniques.

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- Laura says:
  
  January 15, 2014 at 10:22 am
  
  HA! You’re welcome!
  
  Reply
Jena says:

January 15, 2014 at 7:30 am

And what kinds of movies does J watch? Hmm? Let us be the judge!

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- Laura says:
  
  January 15, 2014 at 10:22 am
  
  Boring good ones. LOL!
  
  Reply
LC Aggie Sith says:

January 15, 2014 at 8:20 am

My word, I thought *I* was the only one who had ever seen the movie, Whore.

KUDOS!!!

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- Laura says:
  
  January 15, 2014 at 10:21 am
  
  *High Five*
  
  Reply
Mark12A says:

January 15, 2014 at 11:13 am

I wondered where my hotdog shirt got off to.

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- Laura says:
  
  January 15, 2014 at 12:19 pm
  
  Ha! If you can say “bitch” like that, you should be in the movies!
  
  Reply
Erin says:

January 15, 2014 at 11:30 am

Hobos and hookers don’t just get in the trunk by themselves, J! This here was clearly job research. HA!

Side note, how have I never seen nor heard of this film classic before?

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- Laura says:
  
  January 15, 2014 at 12:18 pm
  
  Oh MY Gawd you MUST watch it! It is total Whore Craptastic! You will be humming that song all week, by the way.
  
  Reply
Elphaba says:

January 15, 2014 at 11:32 am

I don’t know what J’s problem is. That there is some Class A B C acting! It’s like practically Oscar material n’ shit.

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- Laura says:
  
  January 15, 2014 at 12:19 pm
  
  I know, right?! It was just so real.
  
  Reply
Liz says:

January 15, 2014 at 1:12 pm

So I head over to Netflix to find the Whore movie. Wait till you see what else came up on that search:

Schizophreaniac: The Whore Mangler – Perfect for you Laura although only horror and whores, no drugs.

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- Laura says:
  
  January 15, 2014 at 1:16 pm
  
  Maybe I’ll do drugs while watching it. HA!
  
  Reply
  - Cheryl says:
    
    January 15, 2014 at 3:15 pm
    
    I’ll do the drugs – you watch it! I have to keep my blood pressure down.
    
    Reply
    - Laura says:
      
      January 15, 2014 at 8:28 pm
      
      I want mine up.
      
      Reply
SB Smith says:

January 15, 2014 at 4:07 pm

Sounds like J. wasn’t a Breaking Bad fan. Those shows ARE educational !….Like when you’re up to no good, or you’re gonna cook up some meth on a grand scale…..Don’t ever buy All your stuff at the same store or on the same day.
Remember Walt telling that guy that was in the store with his cart loaded up like a start up meth lab kit…..Heh heh.
I finally became a fan during AMC’s marathon that ended Dec. 29th or 30th.
Now I want the series on DVD.

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- Laura says:
  
  January 15, 2014 at 8:28 pm
  
  Truly the best series EVER written. I Loved that series as much as bacon.
  
  Reply
Jess says:

January 15, 2014 at 8:17 pm

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Mark12A says:

January 16, 2014 at 10:25 am

Teresa Russell has always been hot. But then whores need love too.

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- Laura says:
  
  January 17, 2014 at 10:40 am
  
  For the right price.
  
  Reply
Nicki says:

February 6, 2014 at 10:53 am

I will now recommend Shameless on Showtime. It’s based on the British show of the same name and follows the most horrid, disgusting, white trash family, living on the South side of Chicago. The cast is stellar: William H. Macy and Emmy Rossum as the two leads.

Macy is a drunken, disgusting, cheating, lying, scuzzy, dirty, drug addled POS, cheating the taxpayers out of social security and disability checks and spending them all on booze and drugs. Rossum is the oldest daughter, working several minimum wage jobs to make ends meet, and fucking anything with a dick.

Six kids. Bipolar mother who abandoned them all. This show has it all! You hate every single character in it, which is a testament to how well it’s written and acted.

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- Laura says:
  
  February 6, 2014 at 6:23 pm
  
  I’ve watched it on Netflix! It’s great. Also give Orange is the New Black a try.
  
  Reply
  - Nicki says:
    
    February 6, 2014 at 8:04 pm
    
    Oh, I have! When are we getting more episodes??
    
    Reply
    - Laura says:
      
      February 7, 2014 at 7:30 am
      
      That’s what I wanna know too!
      
      Reply