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Tomatopalooza 2013. | Fetch My Flying Monkeys
Everyone needs a fleet of flying monkeys to rip the stuffing out of the annoying people in their lives
— Laura

Shortly after I moved here I bought a couple of tomato plants just for the hell of it even though it was pretty late to be planting. I put them in the garden area behind the pool and then basically ignored them- not out of laziness, mind you, but as a scientific experiment. Yeah, that’s it- science. Well, one plant died almost immediately and the other one not only survived but thrived, and just a few days ago a few of the tomatoes ripened enough to be eaten. I decided to celebrate since it had been years since I actually had a homegrown tomato. I called J to join in the celebration.

Me: “Hey! I had two tomatoes ripen on my plant so I’m going to have a Tomatopalooza!”

J: “What? What’s a Tomatopalooza?”

Me: “It’s like a tomato festival minus clowns. You know, to celebrate the harvest of the first ’maters from my plant!”

J: “Umm…and just what do you plan to do at your Tomatopalooza?”

Me: “Well, I think I’ll make BLT’s and sing that “You Say Tomato I say Tomahto” song. Maybe even have party hats!”

J: “God you’re so weird.”

Me: “Well, Mr. Tomatopalooza Hating Nazi, consider your Tomatopalooza invite rescinded.”

*Click*

Look what you missed out on, motherfucker.

34 Comments
 

34 Responses to Tomatopalooza 2013.

  1. Jena says:

    I would come over for the bacon.

  2. Rosie says:

    And later, you can rent Attack of the Killer Tomatoes! :)

  3. Jeffro says:

    Dammit!!! I’d lurve me some garden fresh ‘maters to make a B3LT (that’s bacon cubed, as in quantity) sammich!!!

  4. I don’t know who’s weirder: you or me. This story was funny until I got to the last word and then it was hilarious.

  5. Mark12A says:

    We overplanted tomatoes this year and are picking about five gallons every other day. I have to buy a new freezer to put stewed tomatoes in. I’ll never starve.

    Just a suggestion, but if you’re going to retain your serial killer hobby you should consider getting some hogs. That way you can convert embarassing and inconvenient dead bodies to something useful like bacon.

  6. Liz says:

    Nazis hate everything don’t they?

  7. Alison says:

    Wait, you’re not done until you tell us how luscious and juicy and incomparably delicious they were! (J reads this, right?)

  8. Cannon says:

    Mmmmmmmmmmm BLT. MMmmmmmmmmmm drool drool

  9. Oprah says:

    What is wrong with that boy! Doesn’t he know there is nothing better In the entire world than a homegrown mater? You have to teach him some good e country ways..SMH…

  10. Jess says:

    Bacon, and tomatoes, when mixed, are a basic food group necessary for a long healthy life.

    I read that somewhere…or made it up…it doesn’t matter….I’m right.

  11. Lemur King says:

    Fresh tomato and onion soup, cold, with a bit of vinegar and sugar… Nothing like it.

    I bet a little drizzle of bacon fat would make that one of the awesome at foods ever. Little sprigs of cilantro…

  12. Suzanne says:

    My extensive research indicates that BLTs are a rabies-inhibitor. (And by research, I mean that I eat BLTs and I noticed that I don’t have rabies.) J should have just shut up and eaten his lovingly prepared BLT.

  13. Nicole says:

    Boy. You are just living high now that you are a homeowner with a pool…

  14. SB Smith says:

    Mmm….BLT’s with triple , or more, BACON.
    Home grown tomatoes and crunchy bacon.

    That is to Die For.

    J. is not well.

  15. Maeve says:

    My tomato plants finally gave up the ghost. Between the heat wave & my Oriels migrating away (they used to eat all the bugs so I didn’t have to spray for pests) my plants are ready for the compost.

  16. Janie Jones says:

    Oh, man! What is the matter with J!?! I, for one, am so jealous of your tomatopalooza. Leif didn’t plant tomatoes this year because he hoped he’d be moving to his new farm. The farm deal is still in the air and now we have no tomatoes either.

  17. Glen says:

    Can you make Tomato Puree by shooting them with a .45? Cool!!

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