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My pets are weird. | Fetch My Flying Monkeys
Everyone needs a fleet of flying monkeys to rip the stuffing out of the annoying people in their lives
— Laura

My crazy fool dog Jack and I were over at J’s one day last week and I had to go somewhere, I forget where. Since it was 10,000 degrees outside I didn’t want to take Jack with me knowing he’d have to sit in the car and bake like a tater so I asked J to watch him while I did whatever I was going to do. J looked at me and rolled his eyes and said “If I have to” and sighed an exasperated sigh like a teenager who had just been told to wash the dishes. I refrained from smacking him upside his head and was all “Dude, I’ll be twenty minutes at the most, just take him outside and tell him to pee, ’cause I think he needs to. And keep an eye on him so he doesn’t get into trouble.” (Side note fact here: Jack will make trouble if he can’t find any.) I let Jack out and J followed behind him, looking all defeated. I yelled out “Don’t leave him out there alone!” and left.

When I returned, Jack ran up to me in the house, all happy, wagging his tail and before I could set my purse down J said “Tell her what you did, TURDLEY.” all tattletale-like. I blinked “What? Who?” and then J proceeded to tell me that after I left, Jack spent his time trying to get back into the house to find me, whining and whimpering, all separation anxiety-ridden. J said he kept telling Jack to “go pee” and tried walking him off the patio into the yard. Jack would have nothing to do with that and stayed by the door. Jack then turned and while staring straight at J took a shit right there on his patio. At the door. J exclaimed “He just looked at me and let it drop! Plop. Plop. Like ‘I can do what I want where I want, asshole! See?’ It was unbelievable!”

So anyway, now J is calling him Turdley McTurdDropper and you know what the really strange part is?  Jack responds to the name better than his own.

43 Comments
 

43 Responses to My pets are weird.

  1. Jena says:

    Awww….ahahhaaa…*cough cough*. A truly touching male bonding moment. Turdley learned from the cats. Sniff THAT J! Ha!

  2. Suzanne says:

    Wait! I know! Jack was not being an asshole, he was trying to save J from the evil heat and sun. By pooping by the door (technically “outside”), he saved his beloved J! OK, no. He needs therapy and meds.

  3. Yabu says:

    Stretch has been known to curl a steamer when and where he pleases.It’s in a Doxies genes.

  4. Rosie says:

    Jack: “I love Laura so much, I could poop!”

  5. Jan says:

    Wiener dogs in a Turdnado!

  6. Jeffro says:

    Yannow this ran through Jack’s mind:

    “Piss?!?! Piss?!?! Are you shitting me?

    Oh! Wait!

    Heh heh, I’ll fix yer ass!”

  7. Nicole says:

    ROFL… Poor Turdley. He was worried about his momma.

  8. untbunny says:

    At least J didn’t poop one out as well. You know, sort of a “mine’s bigger” taunt. J did show maturity in that regard.

    Now hold up! What’s this about not going to work? Buy a house, quit a job, move to the beach (damn), and drop out of the work force completely? Taking up world travel next? I will pay handsomely to know the secret to your success.

  9. Princess says:

    Oh lawd sweetie, nothing is more scary than a possessive dog left alone. Ohhhhh revenge is inevitable… Poor “J”…. good doggie.

  10. The Sun Queen says:

    Sorry I’ve been out of this wonderful loop for a couple of posts. First of all “NICE FUCKING POOL”. second: Work? for what? health insurance maybe… and third: OMG gurl, you have done good for yourself. you have “J” and McTurdley and your kitty’s and Herman. Who could possibly ask for anything more. and once again NICE FUCKING POOL!!!

  11. Jennifer says:

    Jack is soooo cute, even it he does drop turds!

  12. Harbqll says:

    Turdley McTurdDropper is going to be the name of my next D&D character. Just so you know.

  13. Janie Jones says:

    Ha! Jack does not corner the market on body function descriptive pet names. Leif has dubbed our dog Good Ol’ Rupert Two-Poops. Why? Well, because he always has to poop in two places. Duh. If the name fits, call it.

  14. SB Smith says:

    Well, first I had to stop laughing after going no further than that J. had called Jack “Turdley”….and then reading more, I thought at Least he pooped OUTSIDE !!….Awww…have you tried the Thundershirt on Jack for separation anxiety ?
    Dog farts – Our Ridgeback, Rusty, could clear the room with one of his silent stink bombs.

    A friend of ours had eaten pickled, hard boiled eggs and something else that made such a bad combination that when she farted that night, Their Dog (a Dutch Shepard ) Got Up And Left The Bedroom !
    LOL

  15. Jess says:

    I’m a little disturbed. Nobody should harass a gentle, well-behaved dachshund to the point they shit.

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