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Some people just don’t want to hear a romantical love story. Jaded bitches. | Fetch My Flying Monkeys
Everyone needs a fleet of flying monkeys to rip the stuffing out of the annoying people in their lives
— Laura

I went to the orthopedist today because my left knee has been hurting. You would know this if you follow me on Facebook and read in between my postings of goats and Gordon Ramsay memes. Anyway, after my appointment, as I getting in my car, I called one of my friends.

Me: “Hey, I just got out of the doctor’s, want to meet me for a burger? I feel like having a big, delicious burger.”

Friend: “Sure. What doctor did you go to?”

Me: “A new one, a sports medicine orthopedist. And damn girl, that man was GORGEOUS!”

Friend: “Oh yeah?”

Me: “Yeah girl. He was moving my leg around, feeling my knee, while I laid on the table and I was looking into his dreamy doctor eyes and I said “Doc, right here, I think it hurts right here too.”

Friend: ‘Umm, dare I ask where you pointed?”

Me: “My groinal area.”

Friend: “WHAT?”

Me: “I did. And he said ‘There’s no joint there” and I said “But you can put a bone there.”

Friend:  “No you didn’t!”

Me: “Uh huh. And then I stretched my hands up over my head and my blouse popped open and my bosom fell out, all exposed and shit.”

Friend: “YOU DID NOT!”

Me: “And then my pants started sliding down.”

Friend: “STOP LYING! Seriously, stop making shit up.”

Me: “Okay, okay. I awkwardly stuttered ‘Nice to meet you’ and just tried not to fart as he was rotating my leg around. There, happy?”

74 Comments
 

74 Responses to Some people just don’t want to hear a romantical love story. Jaded bitches.

  1. Mars says:

    Ugh. Friend rabies.

  2. Winter says:

    YOU DID NOT !!!!

  3. Cannon says:

    OHHHHH it is a great morning. I loves me some crazy monkeys. Have a great day Laura.

  4. Holly says:

    did you get your burger?

  5. Eathan says:

    OH GOD! I am a Monkey Junkie.. I ck here for you every day…. and sometimes I get lucky… so glad you’re here. Really miss you. Hope your life is good. how are the BOBS and the spider? and Jack.. hows Jack? and Thelma and Herman… and and how are you? and of course “J” hows “J”…..

  6. patti says:

    sigh – THAT’s the way I’m supposed to start my morning – with a good Flying Monkeys giggle.
    Glad no knifing of the knee is necessitated and stuff :)

  7. mittens says:

    You so funny Laura, I would go anywherzzzz with you. Even the doctors office! Too funny.

  8. Jeffro says:

    Really, really like the “improved” version of your story. You could be writing some pretty steamy pr0n if you chose.

  9. Jena says:

    Your knee issue must have slipped past me on fb. You have ‘runner’s knees” I take it? I do too and I don’t run! LOL.

    You should have called another friend that would have fed into your fantasy. HA!!

  10. Slayer says:

    Soooo whats wrong with you knee? anything serious orrrrrr…just old age. I love when they say that to me, like, well, at your age… Fuck you! At your age you shouldn’t be a doctor!

    • Laura says:

      Just the cushion stuff in there is cranky. They want me to ice it and do physicial therapy. Yeah, those docs sure do get insulting sometimes.

  11. Romance is on life support. And most of us suck at giving it CPR.

    You just like pulling the plug :D

  12. Yabu says:

    I believe there’s a clause about that on page 18,723 in the new and improved Healthcare plan.

    How’s Jack?

    • Laura says:

      Yeah, and an extra co-pay.

      Jack is fantastic! I should do an update of him. Hmmm… maybe one of my famously shitty videos…

      • Yabu says:

        On a serious note, I personally know many doctors. Friends, have a drink with friends type of doctors. Both male and female, and they’re all worried…really worried.

        Put up something about Jack…thats the only time Stretch reads this blog.

        • Laura says:

          So Stretch is a blog snob, eh?

          And yeah, all the private practices have sold out to hospitals here. This is because of the coming cuts in Medicare reimbursement and hospitals can charge and receive more payment for the procedures and the physicians are guarenteed their salaries by the hospital. (I know doctors too.)

  13. Valerie says:

    I have a really cute Doc too and I go see him every month wether I need it or not. hhhahahhahah. You go girl.

  14. Holiday says:

    Mmmmmmmmmmm buuuuurrrrrrggggeeeeerrrrr!

  15. gatorgirl4325 says:

    That whole ‘perception vs. reality’ gets me every time too! I’m glad to know I’m not the *only* one. :)

  16. Cinder says:

    OMG, where is the camera when you want one?

  17. Cheryl Lundgren says:

    I totally understand. I had a chiropractor who looked like George Clooney. I finally stopped seeing him and found an uglier one that I felt comfortable with him being up close and personal with me. I was terrified that I would fart during an adjustment or just from fear.

    P.S. Glad the knee is doing better.

  18. Pug Mahon says:

    I’m currently sitting here in my shared office snickering like a kid in church who’s supposed to be Serious and Pious and stuff.

  19. LusherLaRue says:

    Totally worth the wait. If your friends don’t believe you, who will? I believed every word of your romantic love fantasy, uhm, story, uhm, dream.

  20. Rosie says:

    I like your lie better! : )

  21. zonker says:

    And then he leaned in, held your hand in his…and gently tugged on your index finger until you lost all control, right? Right? Am I right?!

  22. glen says:

    Hi there. I’m a doctor. Please enter exam room #1.

  23. Jess says:

    You’re comment about trying not to fart reminded me of my experience after a colonoscopy. Everything went real well, until they forgot to pull the tube out. Everyone warned me of such things, but I didn’t realize it was still in. The nurse did. I hope she was used to such things. I know I wasn’t.

  24. Nicole says:

    Excellent story. It feels true. And that’s all that counts.

  25. PolishSpring says:

    Does the doctor look like this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jK8iDwkmFks ???

  26. Bob says:

    Girls fart? She said it was the dog.

  27. SEXY. What would you do if your new doctor boyfriend found this post?

  28. Mhm says:

    Why is it that you feel like you have to fart at the most inopportune times? Particularly at the gyno..

  29. Liz says:

    I’m glad I’m not the only one that worries about farting in the doctor’s office. I’ve never had a “hot” doctor though so if I have farted (probably have and just can’t remember) it wouldn’t have been the end of the world. I think anyway. Or, maybe it is for the doctor!

  30. Mark12A says:

    I have a fear of going to the doctor to get my prostate checked and seeing both hands on my shoulders during the examination.

  31. SB Smith says:

    My mom had a foot surgeon who looked like Tom Cruise, only the doctor was a little over 6 ft. tall and Tom Cruise is short.

    I’m a Russell Crowe fan, but that doctor made me wish I had a foot problem.
    :-D

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