No, I didn’t run away and I haven’t died, though there were days I thought I would do both. My rabies keeps flaring up and I think I’m in Stage 4 renal and liver failure, but besides that, I am fine and back to blogging just in time to tell you about last night’s celebrity dream. These are the dreams where I dream about a celebrity I want to get biblical with but never do. I guess dreams imitate life. Or life imitates dreams. I don’t know. All I know is y’all will probably regret the emails and messages requesting I start blogging again.
This dream started with me driving down the road and seeing a flea market sign. I stopped and went in and it was packed with people. I was walking along when I looked beside me and saw:
I smiled and awkwardly said “Hi Justin Timberlake!” and he smiled and said “Hi.” Then he stopped and said “I think I hurt my leg.” and pulled up his pants leg and there was a cut on his calf that didn’t look too bad, but I said “Oh Justin Timberlake, that looks bad! Come get in my car and I’ll drive you to the hospital.” all the while knowing by “hospital” I meant “my house” where I could seduce him with my compassion and shit as I put a bandaid on his wound. He agreed, and we started cutting through the crowd, but when we got outside I couldn’t find my car. I thought ‘DAMMIT! I HAVE TO FIND MY CAR SO I CAN MAKE OUT WITH JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE!” We looked and looked and couldn’t find it so we went back inside the flea market and were walking along, talking and then made the plan to go get his car, which he said was parked on the other end of the market. So we’re walking through a crowd of people and all I could think about was that I was going to be making out with Justin Timberlake soon when all of a sudden I saw a Mexican dude wearing a pair of these:
I stopped and stared at them, wondering “why?” and when I looked up, Justin Timberlake was gone, lost in the crowd. I was all “NOOOOOOooooOOOO!” and I started to run through the crowd searching for him and I looked down and I had no pants on and I thought “OH MY GOD I DON’T HAVE ANY PANTS ON! THIS IS HUMILIATING! FUCK, DID I HAVE PANTS ON WHILE I WAS TALKING TO JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE?” and then I woke up.42 Comments