Some friends and I were sitting around eating lunch and one of them said someone they knew with the honest-to-God last name of Cheeseburger was having a baby and they were going to name it Chelsea. All of them seemed to think that was a good baby name. I didn’t. I said if I was having a kid (GOD FORBID), and my last name was Cheeseburger, I’d name it Greasy and have it a brother and name it Bacon, which of course lead to all of us making baby names.
Here’s just a few I can remember:
Al Bino Walken
Dan Druff Flake
Then I said most people have boring last names so it would be cooler to name your kid whatever you think will happen to it in life. Then I pointed to one of my friends and said “Your daughter would be named Pregnant at Fourteen Smith“ then I pointed to another and said “Yours would be Posing For Playboy Harris” and then I turned to another and said ”Yours would be Blowing For Crack McMillian.” Suddenly I realized that I was the only one laughing and I remembered that these friends have kids already, daughters to be exact, and probably didn’t appreciate my fortune-tellin’ baby namin’. Oops. So I took a big gulp of my water, swallowed, and said “Oh, chill the fuck out, mine would be Stabbed In Prison Ledford.”97 Comments