Everyone needs a fleet of flying monkeys to rip the stuffing out of the annoying people in their lives
— Laura
I decided that my usual diet of gin and Circus Peanuts with the occasinal bacon sandwich needed to be supplemented with a daily vitamin so I went out and purchased a bottle of One-A-Days. Then I took them to work and left them there figuring it was the best place to remember to take one at least five days a week. The following is the conversation that took place when my manager walked in my office as I was opening the bottle.
Me: “Oh. My. God. Look at the size of these things!”
Manager: ”What? They’re not that big.”
Me: “I’ve seen horse pills that were smaller! I don’t know if I can even choke one of these monstrosities down.”
Manager: “Oh that’s nothing. I take about five pills that size or larger every morning, usually at the same time.”
Me: “That’s why your milkshake brings all the boys to the yard.”
Manager: “What?”
Me: “I said that I needed more water.”
Share with your friends...
39 Responses to My kingdom for a Friday!
Leave a Reply
Friend me on Facebook!
Follow me on Pinterest!
Spewing hot coffee in the dark isn’t a good thing, damn it.
But I’m still laughing
Don’t waste coffee!!
Poor Laura. I may have never heard the whole song, but I knew what you were talking about.
And my how you must suffer the poor ignorant masses. My condolences. I don’t know how you do it…
LOL!!! Ok…. I didn’t type all that with a straight face!
I’m a ducking martyr around here.
I am concerned that your workplace is corrupting your morals. I cannot imagine having to deal with such loose women daily (and I work on a college campus).
As we ramp up to Easter, perhaps a spider display of stoning an adulteress could be instructive to the ‘bunch o bitches.’
Bunch O’ Bitch WHORES.
What exactly does that mean? I have heard that before.I’m sure someone out there knows.
Umm, that milkshakes are good to wash down pills.
Now now, Laura. Your FAN asked for clarification.
Just google it our type that line in you tube.
Under “worst song ever.”
and worst video EVEA!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pGL2rytTraA
WHY are vitamins so freaking big?! I tried being all healthy and junk, but I couldn’t wash the fistful of vitamins down with one vodka tonic, and I was too lazy to make another, so I started only taking half. Now I’m half as healthy as I should be, but twice as healthy as I was, right? I don’t know much about math. Or nutrition.
Stop with the vitamins and just drink the vodka with a slash of oj. Bam. Nutrition.
I’m going to forego my usual jokes about choking on things.
Maybe.
Well, apparently she is lacking a gag reflex. And no, I won’t give you her number. Ha!
Heck, I’d even send you pictures. Think of the blackmail possibilities…
Hmmmmm…
Oh, so THAT’S what a milkshake is!!!
Uh huh.
Okay. I admit I’m naive and slow on the pickup. Is your manager a woman?
Had to goggle the phrase. Thank God for Wikipedia.
OMG! Only one of the most irritating songs EVER.
Yes. Though it would work on a male.
Too many of those vitamins look like suppositories, which makes me wonder if they ever confuse the two.
Personally, after dealing with vitamin Nazis, I think they do.
I used to have a pharmacist I would joke with a lot and every time he’d hand me a script , giving directions I would say “Anally?” Like “Take one pill twice a day.” “Anally?” And we’d laugh and laugh.
You may laugh, but I bet there’s an entire cottage industry to be created with anal vitamins. If they can convince people to give themselves an alcohol enema, it’s not a great reach to expect the same reaction from vitamin Nazis. They’re obsessed and would stick them in their ears if they thought they could get greater benefits from their alphabet pills.
Sadly, you’re probably right. Butt-Pill Nazis.
“Butt Pill Nazis”
I can see that on the marquee at a grunge rock dive bar.
Or a show on the History Channel.
I think I benefit from having them on my desk. That’s all the farther they usually make it towards my insides. Like apples and fruit. On my desk till they rot makes me healthier.
Yeah, I forgot to take them 2 out of 3 days. Ha!
I’m aroused and confused.I should also get some vitamins.
HAHAH! That’s how I spend my life.
You need a lawn T-Rex!!!!
Yes I do.
hmm, gummi vitamins are way better than butt-pills. Get some chocolate calcium too! do they still make those?
I have no idea. I wish they made bacon vitamins.
Great, now I’m going to have that song stuck in my head all night. Thanks, Laura. Eff you!
HAHA! You’re welcome!