Everyone needs a fleet of flying monkeys to rip the stuffing out of the annoying people in their lives

— Laura

I just decided that weekends are for product recommendations, at least until I get bored with the whole idea which I about did in the middle of writing this one.

By Laura On January 26, 2013 · 32 Comments

I am constantly being bombarded with questions from people like “Your skin is so perfect, what products do you use?” or “Oh my God, your skin just radiates perfection and youth, what products do you use?” Okay, “constantly being bombarded” is a bit of an overstatement. Okay, no one really said anything remotely like that to me, except once a creepy old hobo dude I passed on the street said something like “Purdy ladieee, I wanna to wear yer skin.” which means I have good skin, right? Right. So anyway, I decided I would recommend products on weekends that I use and know for a fact they work. And not just skin care products either. I’m not getting paid for any of these recommendations, which is fucked-up really, but rather, am doing it so you too can have creepy old hobos envy and desire you, which I guess is kinda more fucked-up, but oh well.

Today’s product is Curél Hand & Cuticle Therapy hand cream. Best hand cream made. As y’all know, I am a yet-undiscovered hand model and I know my hand creams. It’s non-greasy, absorbs fast, and keeps your hand smooth even after several washes.

See, even my BFF Wilson recommends it, and he should know about hands, his face was made with one. Of course, it was from a bloody one and I guess he really should be recommending an antibiotic ointment and bandaging material, but he’s not too bright. (Shh, don’t tell him I said that. We have plans to go to lunch tomorrow and I want him to pay.)

Also, I am pretty certain that crazy old hobos would rate this product 4 out of 4 ”It Puts The Lotion On Its Skin Or Else It Gets The Hose Again.” It’s that good.

32 Comments

32 Responses to I just decided that weekends are for product recommendations, at least until I get bored with the whole idea which I about did in the middle of writing this one.

Yabu says:

January 26, 2013 at 3:33 pm

I hope you have something that kicks like a motherfucker if you find yourself in the pit with a bucket of lotion on the way down.

Reply
- Laura says:
  
  January 26, 2013 at 9:22 pm
  
  Me too!
  
  Reply
LC Aggie Sith says:

January 26, 2013 at 3:40 pm

I use this, too. It’s like we are hand twinkies, or something.

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- Laura says:
  
  January 26, 2013 at 9:21 pm
  
  Mmmmmm,Twinkies…
  
  Reply
MorningGlory says:

January 26, 2013 at 4:34 pm

Thanks so much for letting us in on your secret. Too many bitches be all like “I ain’t tellin. Then you’ll look as good as me!” But you’re so generous!

Maybe in a future column, you’ll let us in on what to use for those horrid age spots. I mean, what you plan to use, a long time from now, if that ever becomes a problem for you which I know it isn’t now because you’re so youthful.

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- Laura says:
  
  January 26, 2013 at 9:21 pm
  
  That’s right! I wouldn’t know a thing about those!
  
  Reply
Jess says:

January 26, 2013 at 4:35 pm

Besides offering a wonderful endorsement, I have to write how exceptional you are for your kindness and jump start for Wilson’s career. Helping him get back in the game (no, not that game) and furthering his acting career is something only true friends do for another.

Hopefully, we see more of Wilson in the near future. Hollywood hasn’t been the same without his contributions of exceptional acting.

One other thing: Don’t be jealous when his fans become overbearing, while you’re at lunch. It’s part of acting and helps widen his fan base when he’s asked for autographs. (you might have to help him a little)

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- Laura says:
  
  January 26, 2013 at 9:20 pm
  
  Oh, y’all will be seeing more of Wilson. Afterall, he is my BFF. I hope his fans don’t start becoming a pain…
  
  Reply
Cheryl Lundgren says:

January 26, 2013 at 5:43 pm

Shit Laura! I’m laughing too hard to comment.

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- Laura says:
  
  January 26, 2013 at 9:18 pm
  
  Buy the lotion, it’s great stuff : )
  
  Reply
harbqll says:

January 26, 2013 at 6:09 pm

Saw this on AceofSpades, and thought of you:
http://youtu.be/TWXZy2dOuBc

Glad to see you’ve started posting more regularly. I was getting worried that you didn’t love us anymore.

Reply
- Laura says:
  
  January 26, 2013 at 9:18 pm
  
  HAHAH! That’s great.
  
  Well, thank you, I just got busy and then it becomes easy not to blog : )
  
  Reply
Jeffro says:

January 26, 2013 at 7:28 pm

They should be paying you because you are a fabulous hand model that knows stick science. Expert. Fact.

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- Laura says:
  
  January 26, 2013 at 9:22 pm
  
  I KNOW! I don’t make shit off anything on my blog!!
  
  Reply
Cinder says:

January 26, 2013 at 7:35 pm

Oh this is gonna be fun. But Im not to sure about the Hobo thing…

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- Laura says:
  
  January 26, 2013 at 9:23 pm
  
  (You can always shoot them.)
  
  Reply
FratBoy says:

January 26, 2013 at 7:41 pm

Great to see Wilson is going to be a part of all this. R U only gonna do girlie things? or will “J” be jumpin in with some Manly Man stuff. Like Tires …

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- Laura says:
  
  January 26, 2013 at 9:24 pm
  
  Hmmm, propbably girlie things, though everyone needs soft skin. There are female hobos too.
  
  Reply
Twinkle says:

January 26, 2013 at 8:34 pm

I use Curel’.. a very good friend gave me some for Christmas one year and I have been hooked ever since. So I gotta back ya on this one, no shit!

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- Laura says:
  
  January 26, 2013 at 9:25 pm
  
  It is good stuff.
  
  Reply
Jena says:

January 26, 2013 at 10:07 pm

I recommend the Aveeno Baby http://www.amazon.com/Aveeno-Soothing-Relief-Moisture-Fragrance/dp/B001FZGTJA/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1359256049&sr=8-1&keywords=aveeno+baby

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- Laura says:
  
  January 26, 2013 at 11:16 pm
  
  Nope, no Aveeno product works very well on my skin or hair.
  
  Reply
Nicole says:

January 27, 2013 at 5:10 pm

Recommendations from hoboes – how you KNOW it’s a quality product.

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- Laura says:
  
  January 27, 2013 at 5:15 pm
  
  They are hard to get endorsements from that’s for sure.
  
  Reply
Gabs says:

January 27, 2013 at 11:42 pm

They have a foot therapy lotion that works great too. My heels get all hobo-looking sometimes and that fixes it right up. I can only assume it’s a curse from that one time I got drunk and rolled down the street in a borrowed hobo-box.

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- Laura says:
  
  January 28, 2013 at 4:24 am
  
  HAHAHA! I think we’re all guilty of that from time to time.
  
  Reply
Rosie says:

January 28, 2013 at 11:34 am

I always like the Walgreens store brand, myself.

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- Laura says:
  
  January 28, 2013 at 2:02 pm
  
  I like their Smarties.
  
  Reply
Mark12A says:

January 28, 2013 at 2:54 pm

Creepy old hobos need love, too, you know. Even those who might be named “Jame Gumb”. My advice: If someone tells you his place is “a real hole”, believe him.

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- Laura says:
  
  January 28, 2013 at 4:24 pm
  
  Believe me, I do.
  
  Reply
SB Smith says:

February 8, 2013 at 4:49 am

My tattoo artist recommends Curel Ultra Healing version.If your skin itches, this kills the itch immediately….ok, in less than 5 seconds.

It’s great on feet, too.

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- Laura says:
  
  February 8, 2013 at 4:19 pm
  
  I will try it. I’m always on the look-out.
  
  Reply