Everyone needs a fleet of flying monkeys to rip the stuffing out of the annoying people in their lives
— Laura

I am constantly being bombarded with questions from people like “Your skin is so perfect, what products do you use?” or “Oh my God, your skin just radiates perfection and youth, what products do you use?”  Okay, “constantly being bombarded” is a bit of an overstatement. Okay, no one really said anything remotely like that to me, except once a creepy old hobo dude I passed on the street said something like “Purdy ladieee, I wanna to wear yer skin.” which means I have good skin, right? Right. So anyway, I decided I would recommend products on weekends that I use and know for a fact they work. And not just skin care products either. I’m not getting paid for any of these recommendations, which is fucked-up really, but rather, am doing it so you too can have creepy old hobos envy and desire you, which I guess is kinda more fucked-up, but oh well.

Today’s product is Curél Hand & Cuticle Therapy hand cream. Best hand cream made. As y’all know, I am a yet-undiscovered hand model and I know my hand creams. It’s non-greasy, absorbs fast, and keeps your hand smooth even after several washes.

See, even my BFF Wilson recommends it, and he should know about hands, his face was made with one. Of course, it was from a bloody one and I guess he really should be recommending an antibiotic ointment and bandaging material, but he’s not too bright. (Shh, don’t tell him I said that. We have plans to go to lunch tomorrow and I want him to pay.)

Also, I am pretty certain that crazy old hobos would rate this product  4 out of 4 ”It Puts The Lotion On Its Skin Or Else It Gets The Hose Again.” It’s that good.





32 Responses to I just decided that weekends are for product recommendations, at least until I get bored with the whole idea which I about did in the middle of writing this one.

  1. Yabu says:

    I hope you have something that kicks like a motherfucker if you find yourself in the pit with a bucket of lotion on the way down.

  2. I use this, too. It’s like we are hand twinkies, or something.

  3. MorningGlory says:

    Thanks so much for letting us in on your secret. Too many bitches be all like “I ain’t tellin. Then you’ll look as good as me!” But you’re so generous!

    Maybe in a future column, you’ll let us in on what to use for those horrid age spots. I mean, what you plan to use, a long time from now, if that ever becomes a problem for you which I know it isn’t now because you’re so youthful.

  4. Jess says:

    Besides offering a wonderful endorsement, I have to write how exceptional you are for your kindness and jump start for Wilson’s career. Helping him get back in the game (no, not that game) and furthering his acting career is something only true friends do for another.

    Hopefully, we see more of Wilson in the near future. Hollywood hasn’t been the same without his contributions of exceptional acting.

    One other thing: Don’t be jealous when his fans become overbearing, while you’re at lunch. It’s part of acting and helps widen his fan base when he’s asked for autographs. (you might have to help him a little)

  5. Cheryl Lundgren says:

    Shit Laura! I’m laughing too hard to comment.

  6. harbqll says:

    Saw this on AceofSpades, and thought of you:

    Glad to see you’ve started posting more regularly. I was getting worried that you didn’t love us anymore.

  7. Jeffro says:

    They should be paying you because you are a fabulous hand model that knows stick science. Expert. Fact.

  8. Cinder says:

    Oh this is gonna be fun. But Im not to sure about the Hobo thing…

  9. FratBoy says:

    Great to see Wilson is going to be a part of all this. R U only gonna do girlie things? or will “J” be jumpin in with some Manly Man stuff. Like Tires …

  10. Twinkle says:

    I use Curel’.. a very good friend gave me some for Christmas one year and I have been hooked ever since. So I gotta back ya on this one, no shit!

  11. Nicole says:

    Recommendations from hoboes – how you KNOW it’s a quality product.

  12. Gabs says:

    They have a foot therapy lotion that works great too. My heels get all hobo-looking sometimes and that fixes it right up. I can only assume it’s a curse from that one time I got drunk and rolled down the street in a borrowed hobo-box.

  13. Rosie says:

    I always like the Walgreens store brand, myself.

  14. Mark12A says:

    Creepy old hobos need love, too, you know. Even those who might be named “Jame Gumb”. My advice: If someone tells you his place is “a real hole”, believe him.

  15. SB Smith says:

    My tattoo artist recommends Curel Ultra Healing version.If your skin itches, this kills the itch immediately….ok, in less than 5 seconds.

    It’s great on feet, too.

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