Everyone needs a fleet of flying monkeys to rip the stuffing out of the annoying people in their lives
— Laura

Tuesday night I was bored and I started playing with my iPhone. Did you know I have an iPhone? An iPhone 5? With 64GB? Well I do, and I started playing the game Contre Jour, which if you’ve never played this awesome game, you need to start and you really need to play it with the sound on too. Anyway, I then went into the iTune Store app and was looking around at their ringtones and purchased about 4 or 5, maybe 10, I don’t know because I’m an impulse buyer with selective amnesia. Then I got sleepy and went to bed because shopping is exhausting.

Wednesday I went into work and there was an email about an important meeting with some highfalutin’ people and I had to be in there in about 15 minutes. I grabbed whatever papers I needed and went in. About 20 minutes into the meeting I received a call on my cell phone. Not only had I forgotten to mute my phone before going in, but I had forgotten that I had placed a newly purchased ringtone on my phone. To attempt to convey to y’all of what an awful faux pas I made, I texted J and asked him to call me so I could film my phone:

ANNNND I couldn’t get it out of my pocket before it all played! I fumbled like an idiot for what seemed like an eternity and then just stared straight ahead all mortified and said “Ooops, sorry.” You could have heard a pin drop in the room. THEN one of the highfalutin’ guys I was there to meet said “You sure you don’t need to take that call? It could be motherfucking important.” And everyone laughed and laughed.

Thank. God.


P.S.  J just called because he saw my video and  was all “I can’t believe you use a picture of Hitler on your phone when I call!” and I was all “Duh. I always have.” and he was all “You need to stop with the Nazi crap.” and I said “NEIN! This isn’t 1942 Germany, you can’t tell me what to do!” Then he hung up on me. Motherfucking freedom hater.


63 Responses to And it’s not even Friday yet.

  1. Well, with highfalutin’ motherfuckers like that in charge, the motherfuckin’ company is in good hands.

  2. Holiday says:

    I would have been MotherFuckin mortified.

  3. GreatExpectations says:

    You are crazy girl!

  4. Cinder says:

    Poor J….. but I guess I would rather you use a pix of Hitler instead of ..oh.. I dont know… say… Howdie Doowdie? ya gotta consider both sides of the coin…

  5. Jeffro says:

    Son of a Bitch! That was motherfucking awesome!

  6. Jena says:

    Bwwaahhahaaa!!! I AM laughing at you both!

    And I hope you learned your lesson, which I know you didn’t so you better make another video when you motherfuckin fuck up! LOL

  7. Jena says:

    Wait! What did you use to record your iPhone 5 with the motherfucking 64GB?

  8. FabGirl says:

    I want that ring tone, OMG that is fabulous…. Love it!!

  9. Maeve says:

    It is for that EXACT reason why I don’t down load Puddle of Mudd’s song “She fucking hates me” as my husband’s ring tone. With my luck, I too will forget and my phone will go off in class giving my students an ear full.

  10. Amber says:

    laura, i motherfucking love you! you just brighten my motherfucking day and i’m so glad you’re back!

  11. Jena says:

    Is that song set for all contacts or just J?

  12. Mark12A says:

    I feel boring. I use “Naughty Naughty” by John Parr, “Crazy Train” by Ozzy Osbourne, and “Scare Easy” by Mudcrutch for my ringtones. Maybe I should include something like machine guns which would be motherfucking AWESOME in a meeting. Maybe at a school board.

  13. Victoria in CT says:

    Gawd I love your blog – your stuff always makes me laugh til’ I cry! Don’t ever change, you are perfect just the way you are.

  14. LeeAnn says:

    Now I want an iPhone just for that.

  15. Rob says:

    Ahh Laura Laura Laura. I once had a similar experience. I was doing a presentation in front several execs and customers, when my phone went off. Think Nickleback, “I like your pants around your feet”. All that saved me was one of the customers breaking out in uncontrollable laughter.

    By the way, I know George Clooney. Actually I know his mom and dad better than him.

  16. LusherLaRue says:

    God, I love you. You are always there with a laugh when I need it. Thanks for having such a f’d up life and sharing it for our amusement.

  17. I saw the pic and died. Twice over. And that was before I played the video.

    I bet J now has a pic of Eva Braun set to your number :D

  18. Jackie Daniel says:

    Mutha Fuckin sweet! You are my kinda Beotch!

  19. Elphaba says:

    BAHAHAHAHAHA! They are obviously used to you by now (fortunately). Out of curiosity, do the people you work with know about/read your blog?

    • Laura says:

      A few friends do. Most people I work with don’t even know what a blog is.

      And most people here always expect me to pull some crazy shit. It’s part of my charm. HaHa!

  20. untbunny says:

    A pink phone? Camoflauge in your red hair? The highfalutin’ guys have been waiting to cuss in a meeting! Next time don’t act like you hear anything.

    Oh, I love the Prince Harry clip. Thought it was real until I saw the “real” clip. Good one.

  21. Yabu says:

    Not to worry, I hear they’re banning iPhones soon.

  22. Dobermom says:

    OMG! It’s an earworm! I’m never gonna’ get it out of my head! I’ll be hearing it all night!

  23. Jan says:

    That game is major cute and fun!

  24. Jess says:

    I’ve spent all day wondering what the proper comment would be. I’ve decided your faux pas was much less embarrassing than a really loud fart.

  25. CGHill says:

    Finally, a ringtone scarier than mine. (Slightly.)

  26. gogaited says:

    Sigh. All I have is a cheap pay as you go phone that doesn’t even have voice mail and they just cut off the texting.

  27. Lemon Stand says:

    I’m late to the party as usual. Still, I have to say that when you faux pas? You do it brilliantly! Oh, and I have an iPhone4 that my kids assure me that I will love… someday. As for poor J, I can’t help feeling sorry for him about the whole Nazi thing, but then I think of zombies and the necessity of having quality gear for survival, and I just crack up. Which makes me feel worse because now I not only pity him, I now laugh whenever his name comes up. It truly sad and just may be worse than your ring tone. What do you think?

    • Laura says:

      HAHA! Just a tad.

      And oh my God, you don’t like your iPhone?? Are you sure you’re using it correctly? You know simply “taking and making calls” is the last thing on the list of awesome things it can do.

  28. Larry says:

    Oh damn. I need that ring tone, and then I’d have people call me when I was in meetings on purpose.

  29. LyleLovett666 says:

    Is that Depechmode?

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