Everyone needs a fleet of flying monkeys to rip the stuffing out of the annoying people in their lives
— Laura

The holiday spirit at work has sucked big green donkey balls this year and I was not in the mood to once again be told ”tone down your decorating” when I’m the only one who even makes an attempt to decorate for the holidays. But being the sound, reasonable individual that I am, I complied.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you Christmas Spider 2012:

And I refrained from putting “Bitches” at the end. I deserve a Nobel Peace Prize for tolerance, or at the very least, a $10 iTunes gift card, motherfuckers.

52 Comments
 

52 Responses to Peace on Earth and all that crap.

  1. MorningGlory says:

    A very Merry Christmas to you Laura, and to Jack and Tinks as well as the bird whose name completely escapes me and to J, who I’m sure has selected the perfect gift for you again this year. Have a wonderful holiday and the best to you all in the New Year!

  2. Jena says:

    You DID restrain your self! Otherwise there would be “explosive shit” spattered all over it!

    *sniff* you did a beautiful job! I applaud you!

    I hope you have a happy Xmas!

  3. Jena says:

    I thought my first comment didn’t “take” you can delete it…LOL. Hitting the eggnog a bit early… or just NO COFFEE so far..

  4. Sarah G. says:

    I never knew that a toilet plunger and tp were viable Xmas decorations. Thanks for opening my eyes!

  5. patti says:

    Tone down the decorating?! BLASPHEMY!!!!

  6. Erik says:

    Yay! The Christmas spider!

    For you, this is toned down.

    Have a Merry Christmas!

  7. Roxie says:

    Have yourself a shitty little Christmas,
    Let your heart-burn be light,
    Next year our poop bubbles will be
    out of sight.

    Have yourself a shitty little Christmas
    Make the yule-tide brown
    Next year all our poo will be
    flushed out of town.

    Once again as in olden poops
    Happy golden poops of yore,
    Faithful fiber that’s cool to us
    loosens stool for us once more.

    Someday soon, we’ll get our shit together
    If the Fates allow
    Until then, we’ll have to mud-butt through somehow
    So have yourself a shitty little Christmas now!

  8. Nicole says:

    Too awesome. You are indeed the epitome of restraint.

  9. glen says:

    Oh, you better not fart, you better not pee.
    You better not be telling on me…
    Sandy Claws is stomping on my rug.
    He knows when you been sweeping.
    He knows when the carpet’s clean.
    He knows when you are finished.
    So he can dirty up the scene.
    Ohhhhh…

  10. Jeffro says:

    It is clear that you are an under appreciated decorating genius. Woe be to those who don’t realize this fact until it’s too late!

  11. Gary Eaton says:

    Oh now I must compliment you on your restraint…This one made me Laugh like a bowl full of jelly…hahahah, Hope you have a wonderful Holdiay. Those crazy bitches have no Idea you are also a trained assassin….shit could have gotten real fast..maybe some Ex-Lax brownies could be in order..

  12. Elphaba says:

    May YOUR Christmas be merry and not so shitty, Laura! Do please give my best to the boss Jack, and my regards to the kittehs.

  13. Sean says:

    You are the second most awesomest girl in the world!
    My super awesome Jena is first. For me.
    Merry Christmas!

  14. CGHill says:

    If your workplace is like mine, there’s no chance for a Christmas pageant, because there aren’t three wise men on the premises. (I won’t even speculate as to the presence of virgins.)

  15. Mark12A says:

    Fucking amazing spider. There were spiders at the manger. I’m sure of it.

  16. Jan says:

    Merry Christmas to you and the critters! The TP was a sterling touch!

  17. Liz says:

    I’m late to the party as usual but I hope you all had a great Christmas. Your office decorations were stellar this year.

  18. Hope you had a wonderful Christmas and got everything you deserved, or wanted. Whichever.

    Also, I miss the blue lights on the spider :D

  19. SB Smith says:

    Hope you had a great Christmas with lots of kisses from Jack.

    I can’t get the comment box to appear under Thelma’s post.

    She’s just pissed because each one of us hasn’t sent her Beluga caviar or found a spell to give her opposable thumbs.

  20. SB Smith says:

    Hope Jack’s doing well !

    Hugs and smooches for Jack !

  21. Kim says:

    Belated Christmas felicitations and FAR OUT SPIDERS!!!

    The bunch o’bitches can go sit on it and spin.

    Hope you and yours rocked and socked. Or slept and ate Circus Peanuts and drank gin.

  22. zonker says:

    Hope you guys had a merry Christmas and have a great 2013!

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