Because I’m very important and I know a lot of people, but mostly because I know a lot of strange people, I’ve been invited to go with a group of paranormal investigators to investigate an area of Columbia that is supposed to have an abnormal amount of paranormal activity. What they mean by “an abnormal amount of paranormal activity” I guess is more than the “normal” baseline amount of paranormal activity. They wanted me along. How cool is that?! Way cool is how cool. We’re going tonight. They’re bringing all their equipment and I’m bringing a slow friend. And by “slow” I don’t mean mentally, I mean a friend I can outrun because if shit hits the fan, I’ll be screaming “SAVE ME, BABY JESUS!”, shoving her to the ground and running like a motherfucker, all the while clutching a rosary in one hand and making the sign of the cross with the other.
So I’m leaving this note, so y’all will know what happened in case I don’t return. It will mean I wasn’t fast enough or forgot how to do an emergency prayer in an emergency. And you’ll know for sure I was killed and turned into a ghost myself if you start reading about a Bunch O’Bitches in the Columbia area being mysteriously pushed down stairs and elevator shafts to their deaths. I’ve been practicing that in my head for years.46 Comments