Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/includes/class.layout.php on line 164

Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/includes/class.layout.php on line 167

Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/includes/class.layout.php on line 170

Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/includes/class.layout.php on line 173

Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/includes/class.layout.php on line 176

Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/includes/class.layout.php on line 178

Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/includes/class.layout.php on line 180

Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/includes/class.layout.php on line 202

Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/includes/class.layout.php on line 206

Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/includes/class.layout.php on line 214

Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/includes/class.layout.php on line 215

Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/includes/class.layout.php on line 217

Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/includes/class.layout.php on line 321

Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/includes/class.layout.php on line 321

Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/includes/class.layout.php on line 321

Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/includes/class.layout.php on line 321

Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/admin/class.options.metapanel.php on line 56

Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/admin/class.options.metapanel.php on line 56

Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/admin/class.options.metapanel.php on line 56

Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/admin/class.options.metapanel.php on line 56

Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/admin/class.options.metapanel.php on line 56

Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/admin/class.options.metapanel.php on line 56

Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/admin/class.options.metapanel.php on line 56

Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/admin/class.options.metapanel.php on line 56

Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/admin/class.options.metapanel.php on line 56

Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/admin/class.options.metapanel.php on line 49
And now another episode of “Phone Conversations with J.” | Fetch My Flying Monkeys
Everyone needs a fleet of flying monkeys to rip the stuffing out of the annoying people in their lives
— Laura

Me: “I was driving into work in this morning and I saw something that looked like a possum in the road so I slowed down so it could move along. As I got closer, it didn’t move so I slowed even more until I had to come to a complete stop.”

J: “Was it a possum?”

Me: “No, it was a cat! And it stood there and kinda looked at me and then it walked in circles and panted and staggered and fell. And I thought “RABIES!’”

J: “Uh oh. You didn’t try to rescue it did you?”

Me: “HELL NO! I’m not stupid. I wasn’t about to get out. I mean, it could have been injured by trauma or poisoned, but dude, I’d place a week’s wages it was rabid.”

J: “So you went on around it?”

Me: “For a second I thought about running it over and putting it out of its misery, it was pitiful, but I knew I couldn’t do that. So I went on to work and called the local police and told them I saw Cujo Cat and where it was if they wanted to get animal control out of bed to go get it.”

J: “Well, that’s good, if they actually did anything about it. I’m going to let you go, I don’t feel too well. I’ll call you later.”

Me: “What’s wrong? Do you have rabies? I’ll come over and run you over if you do.”

J: “Oh, I see how it is. You can’t run over a cat, but you’d happily volunteer to run me over.”

Me: “Well, I care about you. I care so much, I’ll put it in reverse- just to be sure.”

J: *click*

 

P.S. Now here’s my daily picture for National Irritate a Food Pic Hater Food Pic Posting Week or NIAFPHFPPW for short:

You can't cook a Crescent Burger around this place without a damn Spinosaurus showing up.

A few of us at work take turns bringing lunch for the group. This is my contribution today, Crescent Burgers. They eat ‘em like they’re runaway slaves. I don’t know what it is lately, but all I do is stuff meat into things. Wait…what? Nevermind.

58 Comments
 

58 Responses to And now another episode of “Phone Conversations with J.”

  1. kelly says:

    If the hand modeling thing dosen’t work out, you can always fall back on those meat packing skills ;)

  2. Jena says:

    The cat most likely had a stroke/aneurysm. (Been there and it’s scary). Now Im very depressed.

  3. Yabu says:

    Spinosaurus actually invented the Crescent Burger. Little known fact. They love ‘em.

  4. Karen Courtin says:

    How ’bout the recipe for the cresent burger so i can be a theivin’ sonsabitch too….

  5. Alison says:

    Ha–you should send J a text message that says “thump, thump. I ? U.”

  6. Roxie says:

    Nothing says love, like putting it in reverse. Wait… what?

  7. Mark12A says:

    Running over someone who has rabies is an act of love.

    Running over someone who MAY have rabies is just wrong.

  8. I’m going to try that crescent burger recipe, but I think I’m going to substitute roast pork for the hamburger, & maybe some jalapeños for the cheese. & instead of putting it in crescent roll dough, I’m probably going to just make bean soup. Thanks for the recipe, I’ll let you know how it turns out.

  9. So you’re saying you are a Stuffing Scientist? Nice!

    One thing for sure: y’all don’t have a boring relationship ;)

  10. Jess says:

    And the bad thing is that the people at Walmart look at you like you lost your mind when you tell them you’re having problems with pesky Spinosauruses and need something to keep them away.

    They’re narrow minded…or maybe a little slow.

  11. Jennifer says:

    I’ve had those Crescent Burgers before! They’re yummy!

    I love your dinosaurs.

  12. Heather G. says:

    Poor J! lol (I say that a lot here!)

  13. Jeffro says:

    No one truly appreciates you, do they?

  14. Cheryl says:

    Conversations with J are the best!

  15. Nicole says:

    Damn those sound good.

  16. Jan says:

    Mmm, I wish I’d had that before I ate desert! (Picture on fb.) Now I have to find something for dinner, and I don’t have the stuff for that.

  17. Cinder says:

    I would have run it over anyway, as a matter of fact, I never would have even slowed down…

  18. Princess says:

    “J” is a good man. he knows when to throw in the chips….

  19. Kalabash says:

    That is just fucking creepy. isn’t it o-dark:30 when you go to work? you sure see some frightful things. Like that wig or hair piece a few years back.I forget what the hell that was… Damn girl take another route.

  20. Cheeze says:

    They eat ‘em like they’re runaway slaves

    I’m pretty sure that’s racist. Or something.

    Expect a strongly worded letter of condemnation and a racous, unruly protest to be delivered shortly. Followed by a candlelight vigil.

    And cheesecake.

  21. Cheryl Lundgren says:

    OMG?! Have you never watched a werewolf movie? It’s always the wounded animal stumbling out into the road that the poor schmuck stops to help and then gets his ass bit and then he’s scratching fleas and eating neighbors for the rest of his/her life.

    It was obviously a werecat. You are so lucky you avoided the whole being a werecat and changing every full moon for the rest of your life. Everyone knows that being any type of wereanimal is bad for your nails. That would definitely have meant your budding nail modeling career would be out the window!

Leave a Reply to Cheryl Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

*

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>