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Driving Phobia #27 | Fetch My Flying Monkeys
Everyone needs a fleet of flying monkeys to rip the stuffing out of the annoying people in their lives
— Laura

I’m going to start doing a series here listing my different driving phobias, then later I may expand into my other phobias. But for right now, I don’t want to reveal all my crazy (No, I have not even began to show my crazy. SHUT. UP.) so we’ll stick to driving.

I totally freak out when I don’t know where I’m going; seriously, pure internal panic. I’ve gotten a lot better with the invention of the GPS. But if that baby goes out, or there’s an unexpected detour, it’s like a voice starts screaming in my head “OH MY GOD! YOU’RE LOST! WE’RE ALL GOING TO DIE!” and then all I see is this happening:

Just like this except there'd be more fire, wreckage, and carnage.

Now let’s keep this whole Driving Phobia series on the down-low. I don’t need my insurance agent getting wind of it and be all “I have to charge her a special premium for ‘Sudden Flip Over and Burst into Flames’ coverage.”

 

P.S. Now for National Irritate a Food Pic Hater Food Pic Posting Week or NIAFPHFPPW for short, here’s a pic of yesterday’s breakfast:

Mmmm, bacon.

54 Comments
 

54 Responses to Driving Phobia #27

  1. MSgt B says:

    Just sent my first foodie pic to Yabu. I’m so proud of myself.

  2. Kim says:

    You only had two pieces of bacon with breakfast?!

  3. Yabu says:

    That looks damn good. Can’t go wrong with bacon and eggs. I’m all up and digging that plate too. It’s amazing how dependent I’ve become on my GPS. Beats the hell out of driving all over the road looking at a printed map, and that bitch under the covers will talk to you. Recalculating!

  4. Mark12A says:

    My food looked so good that I ate it all before I could take a picture. I feel so bad. But not really.

    You should think about the bus. Less carnage and no parallel parking required.

  5. Jena says:

    MMMm… breakfast sure looks tasty! MMMm Bacon! And I WANT that plate!!!

    p.s. I don’t drive so the person that drives me around is fast developing me into a serious phobia of getting into her van!

  6. Alison says:

    Those look like bacon slices from a stegasaurus. You’re not raising dinosaurs for meat, are you?

  7. zonker says:

    Now my stomach is growling and I’m out of bacon, dammit. I won’t be able to head over to the local butcher shop (they have the best bacon) until tomorrow, either. Fuck. Happy Monday to you, too, Laura.

  8. Glen says:

    My GPS said.”Turn left NOW” when I was on a bridge. Lucky thing I don’t follow directions very well !!

  9. Kevin says:

    Bacon, eggs and cheese. That is the perfect combination for a fast breakfast.

  10. Ely North says:

    I think you should let everyone know when you’re going to be out on the roads, and which roads you’ll be taking, so we can avoid you.
    PS. That’s a real nice plate. Where’d you get it?

  11. Roxie says:

    Those are some wide pieces of bacon!

    You’re not playing when you want your bacon!

    (kinda rhymed, a little)

  12. Oh dang, car fires & bacon in one post. It’s like heaven out here in the blogosphere*.

    *I’m pretty sure Phil Collins invented this term

  13. Erik says:

    On the subject of “driving phobias”, the only one I have is taking the family on a two week driving vacation. This gives me the heebie-jeebies.

    Its a good thing that I already had bacon this morning, or that picture of bacon would have made me wants it.

    In fact, bacon made me write this. Have you heard Jim Gaffigan talk on bacon(?) – its pretty funny.

  14. untbunny says:

    You are not alone in this. I had a serious driving phobia about 20 years ago and literally COULD NOT DRIVE for about six months! It began with a non-vehicle scare that quite seriously caused me to think I was going to crash and burn every time driving. Finally had to put on my big girl panties and drive again. Now I’m a driving fool. Not with you on this particular phobia. I love getting lost and trying to find my way back.

    • Laura says:

      I wouldn’t mind getting lost if I wasn’t on some kind of schedule. The idea of being late makes me want to vomit. And I love driving in the country. I hate city driving.

  15. Jess says:

    I had bacon and eggs yesterday morning, but without cheese, but I did have homemade hash browns and I covered the eggs with mild picante. The best part was the bacon, although it was all good and healthy.

    I don’t know how, or if I can post a photo of food, but I did on my blog. The sad thing is that the memory of the photo made my sandwich taste like cardboard.

    Bleh!

  16. Oh, what a beautiful pic!!!

    And the food looks great, too ;)

  17. My friend is always posting irritating food pics. But she’s a vegetarian, so I *always* respond with: “Needs bacon.”

    So, I guess you win.

  18. Jeffro says:

    I’m obsessive compulsive with the big ol’ truckers’ atlas, even when I’ve been there a jillion times. It might have moved and magically appeared on my three or four year old map, you know.

  19. Elphaba says:

    Look on the bright side, Laura. At least you’re not on the inside of that car while it’s burning…

    Also, GPS is wonderful until it takes you on a wild goose chase, and you end up outside of BFE on Hell’s half acre with a crowd of zombies closing in. Now, THAT’s stress!

  20. Jan says:

    My NIAFPHFPPW food pic is up on facebook!

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