One question people have always asked me is “You really never want/or wanted kids?” And when I reply “No, I never do/did.” they look at me all weird and confused. I just stare back at them like they’re intrusive and rude. But they usually don’t get it so what I’ve started doing lately is elaborating and embellishing my responses just for the fun of it. Just yesterday a lady asked me “You never wanted to have a baby?” and I replied ”Well, I would have if I could have had it gestate in a pickle jar instead of my uterus. I mean, I still would have wanted a baby shower and all the gifts and shit and, of course, the time off of work. Actually, I’m pretty sure I would have preferred it to have gestated in a jar until it was maybe 15. Isn’t 15 the age when kids can legally get a job? I think so. Anyway, did I tell you I’d name my baby Mongoose Montel? No? Well, I woulda.” She looked at me all weird and confused.
an ultrasound a PS rendering of my beautiful pickle jar baby: