Everyone needs a fleet of flying monkeys to rip the stuffing out of the annoying people in their lives
— Laura
I have a friend who sends me celebrity porn because celibrity porn is hysterical. The last one they sent was of Nadya Suleman, also known as Octomom. I wasn’t going to look at it, because technically she isn’t a celebrity, just a nut-job that popped out a thousand kids and refuses to get a real job, but curiosity got the best of me this past weekend. I knew it wasn’t going to be pretty so I made sure I had a few gin and tonics in me before starting the video.
I did not drink enough.
Now I’m having trouble sleeping. When I do get to sleep, I am cursed with kaleidoscope visions of clown car hoohaas accompanied by the most god-awful unnatural guttural moaning sound. This continues and intensifies until I am awakened by my own screams. Then I have to get up to make sure the doors are locked and a light is on. When I finally get back to bed, I lay there for hours, staring at the ceiling, tears of regret running down the sides of my face, cursing my celebrity porn addiction until the alarm goes off. I never before knew such horror existed. I was starting to think that I didn’t want to live in this world anymore. I didn’t want to live in a place where people would allow such a vile thing to be recorded and then released to the public. I seriously thought about ending it, that is, until while surfing Amazon I happened upon this:
My faith in humanity has been restored.
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69 Responses to Night Terrors.
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I wouldn’t touch Octomom with a ten foot long tentacle…
Hey, Octomom tentacle porn – now THAT would be disturbing to the nth degree!
Please don’t give the Japanese any ideas.
“Nadya Does Cthulu”
Ha! Umm…eww.
Yeah.
I’m totally linking to this one.
I laughed so hard I spotted.
Well I hope you have spot remover. And thank you for enjoying the horrors I go through and linking them.
Yep, more booze. Definitely. Much more booze!
I’m not even sure there is enough booze.
Always remember, it’s the little things…like Circus Marshmallows, that will save your soul.
Octomom’s doctor should be drawn and quartered.
And gin
Shouldn’t he be eighthed as well?
What I find strange is that there are people who actually seek and enjoy that type of porn. Lid for every pot, I suppose, and I haven’t seen that specific clip, but I have seen lots of things that make me wonder what the hell the human race is going to think of next.
And also, please don’t show my eleventy thousand children marshmallow cereal.
I find almost all porn funny. The other I find disgusting or odd – like the fetish stuff. I mean WTF odd. Celeb porn/ sex tapes are hysterical, especially when they know they’re being filmed and do nothing but lay there and pose for the camera, ie Kardashian.
That picture is porn, you know. And now I’m off to surf the internet in hopes of finding a clip of a female leprechaun rolling around naked in a bathtub full of the marshmallows from Lucky Charms.
Haha! And I bet there’s a few out there too.
HOLY SHIT!!! That’s the Holy Grail!!
I know, right?!
Wait,….. I never heard that brand… what did they do? pick out all the marshmallow goodness out of Lucky Charms and repackage them?
If the price is right, Im good with that!
They threw out all that semi-healthy shit.
Well I was going to post a recipe for crispy fried octomom cheese, but never mind.
Just. Ewww.
My work here is done.
And you didn’t post the pictures?
Coward.
You need to thank me.
Thank you. Thank YOU. THANK! YOU! Thanks. A. Lot. Really, thank you. Thanks. Merci. Danka. Gracias. Mucho gracias. Truly.
My mind is scarred enough.
You are welcome. Ha!
I wonder if those crunchy marshmallows would be good, blended into a frozen milkshake?
YOU are truly a cereal marshmallow scientist.
Or sprinkled on ice cream and cupcakes! Or maybe put them with graham crackers and chocolate bars in a s’mores type arrangement. The uses are ENDLESS.
My head just exploded thinking of all the ENDLESS possibilities!
Does that mean you’re tired of midget porn ?
My J. saw a naked pic of octomom and said “Who the hell told her she was good looking !…That’s disgusting.”
Oh, I’ll never tire of midget porn.
Clown car hoohas?
I need hot pokers to my retinas.
It was horrifying.
Octomom does tentacle pr@n…? Caramel Marshmallows?
Not even bacon could rescue me after that.
Bacon can save anyone.
The important question is, do Cereal Marshmallows go with Circus Peanuts?
EVERYTHING goes with Circus Peanuts.
Can you clue me in on your love of circus peanuts.I’ve maybe had ten of them through my near four decades of life and everyone of them seems to have been produced somewhere around the Tut dynasty.They defy physics in that they seem 100% desiccated and yet retain perfect form.Also, have you noticed the audible styrofoam like squeak that’s emitted when you bite into them?Finally,do you have a good gin and circus peanuts recipe?Sometimes I have guests that will not leave and I think such a concoction would more than do the trick.
Don’t be hating on the CP. CP’s are from Heaven. Plain and simple.
Just the marshmallows??? Genius!
I know!!
Porn after eight children? That’s just wrong. There’s some analogy to be written, but I just can’t think of it, although parking a paper airplane in a blimp hanger comes to mind.
HAHA!
She has more than 8. That was 8 at one time. I forget how many she had before that litter.
She has a herd.
I think the total is 14 kids.
Sick.
I think it’s more aptly described as a litter.
Disgusting is what it is.
Im late, and its a good thing, if I had seen this, this morning, I would not have been able to get it off my mind. so horrifying. I could not even possible look. Just the thought of it makes me shivvvver. really. Now, the problem is, I need sleep… it does not look promising. thanks guys.
You’re welcome.
I think they made a horrible mistake telling that women she looks anything remotly like Angelina J. She is a disgusting human…. she is human isn’t she?
I think she’s mentally ill mostly.
Now I know why she had to be artificially inseminated … Nobody would touch that……
Actually though, the plastic surgean that did the tummy tuck did a good job.
O….M….G….. I F***ing hate you! I am traumatized for life…. LIFE I SAY!!!!!!!
Hey, I didn’t post the vid or even a picture of it.
I usually like anything that is “Drudge” but even I thought that was really bad. nuff said.
You should watch the video.
Oooohh! where can I get those lucky smellows…
I could eat a whole bowl of those. “SUGAR”!!!
Amazon.
Thanks for that. I barfed in my mouth a little. Just reading it; can’t bring myself to watch it. Sometimes things are just not meant to be seen. Like what’s in the arc of the covenant. I’m sure my face would melt like those Nazi’s if I had to watch Octomom porn. Heh, maybe that’s what’s IN the arc of the covenant. “Close your eyes! Don’t look at it!” Indiana Jones has it right. This whole paragraph I just wrote is crazy….
Which makes it fantastic.
Dude, after shitting out that many fuck trophies, one would think that all one would have to do to film Octomom porn is navigate the Hubble space telescope up her cavernous twat (along with several buses filled with cheerleaders, a pick-up truck with a bunch of illegal aliens in the back and one motorcycle cop wearing assless chaps).
Now THAT would be a movie!
You’re welcome.
I’d watch that sober.
Nicki, you’re a porn scientist. I mean that in the best way.
By the way, I can no longer post comments on your site. I haven’t been ignoring you.
I was watching TMZ and the look of horror on the staff’s faces when they watched that video was priceless.
oooh it was so so strange.