I have a friend who sends me celebrity porn because celibrity porn is hysterical. The last one they sent was of Nadya Suleman, also known as Octomom. I wasn’t going to look at it, because technically she isn’t a celebrity, just a nut-job that popped out a thousand kids and refuses to get a real job, but curiosity got the best of me this past weekend. I knew it wasn’t going to be pretty so I made sure I had a few gin and tonics in me before starting the video.
I did not drink enough.
Now I’m having trouble sleeping. When I do get to sleep, I am cursed with kaleidoscope visions of clown car hoohaas accompanied by the most god-awful unnatural guttural moaning sound. This continues and intensifies until I am awakened by my own screams. Then I have to get up to make sure the doors are locked and a light is on. When I finally get back to bed, I lay there for hours, staring at the ceiling, tears of regret running down the sides of my face, cursing my celebrity porn addiction until the alarm goes off. I never before knew such horror existed. I was starting to think that I didn’t want to live in this world anymore. I didn’t want to live in a place where people would allow such a vile thing to be recorded and then released to the public. I seriously thought about ending it, that is, until while surfing Amazon I happened upon this:
My faith in humanity has been restored.69 Comments