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Haters Gonna Hate. | Fetch My Flying Monkeys
Everyone needs a fleet of flying monkeys to rip the stuffing out of the annoying people in their lives
— Laura

This is an actual conversation J and I had in the car this past weekend:

Me: “I need to get to Sally’s Beauty Supply before they close. They’re having a sale on nail polish.”

J: “Don’t you think you have enough? I’ve seen your collection. You have every color known to mankind.”

Me: “There’s no such thing as ‘too much nail polish’ and I don’t have ‘every color known to mankind’. And anyway, there’s always a ‘matte’ or ‘shiny’ version of every color.”

J: “Good Lord. You need an intervention.”

Me: “You need to shut your pie-hole about my nail polish. Besides, I need to take pictures of my polished nails for my blog. And you need to learn to be more supportive!”

J: “You do know you’re never going to be a hand model, right?”

Me: slams on brakes “Get out of my car, Dream Hater!”

Now here’s a shitty camera phone picture of my hand model hands choking a chicken because I DON’T GIVE UP ON MY DREAMS. Just ask George Clooney:

Polish is "Life Preserver" by China Glaze.

65 Comments
 

65 Responses to Haters Gonna Hate.

  1. One Crazed Chick says:

    Having too much nail polish?? That’s like saying a woman should only have one pocketbook. He’s the one that needs the intervention!!

  2. Mom's the Best says:

    OH J……… J, J, J, J, J. Honey, Never Never tell a woman she has “TOO MUCH” of anything, cuz you will soooooooooooooo lose that argument.

  3. Princess says:

    Love that color, that’s really nice. J, you are such a man……… Nuff said.

  4. Holiday says:

    I still wanna see one of each color, that would be fun. If you have more than ten you can do your toes too!

    • Laura says:

      I have more than twenty.

      • SB Smith says:

        Damn…my response lower down was supposed to go here in regard to your “over 20″ bottles .
        Clever..
        You could have 100 bottles of nail polish and saying you had over 20 would still be a true statement.
        LOL
        I’ll have to start saying that about how many I have and the # of pens I have as well. I can’t go into Office Depot (or anywhere else that sells anything to write with) without going to look at the pens/markers/etc.
        Ex: I have a ballpoint from Shrek the Third with Puss n Boots on it and when you push the end of the pen, a sound byte plays from Antonio Banderas as P.I.B.
        There are 4 different lines he says.
        :-D

  5. Tad says:

    choking a chicken !!!!!!! hhahahhahahahhahahahh Now thats funny.

  6. Mattie says:

    OOooooohh I likes me some green. I bet that will look great with your red hair.

  7. Who?me? says:

    I just wanted to say, all joking aside, thank you for your service, in what ever capacity it was. because of people like you I had a fabulous weekend with my family. Truely, thank you.

  8. patti says:

    Nice color – I need to do my nails right now.

  9. Tink says:

    Chicken in a top hat!!!!! That is just as good as Chicken in a party hat!

  10. Oh, now THAT color looks fabulous on you.

    Ok, every color does. Stop choking the chicken, though. J will get jealous.

  11. maggie says:

    As any fool can see, J. is totally mistaken! You are already a hand model and deservedly so. Maybe if he tried nail polish he’d like it!

  12. Alison says:

    Stop telling J you need more nail polish…tell him you’re going to go make an additional investment in your future career. It’s like tuition, only pretty.

  13. Curtal Friar says:

    Hmmm…you should put a page or tab up top labelled Nail Polish, or maybe Hand Portfolio, or something, and when people click on it, they can see a collection of shots of your hands sporting every color of polish imaginable.

    Just an idea.

    Hmmm…speaking of your hand modelling, what are ya going to do if you ever run across your ‘hand twin’?

    • Laura says:

      I would have to kill her, or at the very least fuck up her hand with a brick or something.

      Also, I should hire you as my agent.

  14. Cheryl Lundgren says:

    J: “You do know you’re never going to be a hand model, right?”

    I still stunned that someone would say that to another person especially one that’s driving a car at the time. Did you run him over after you kicked his ass out?

  15. ManhattanMaven says:

    Poor J…he will NEVER learn!! He’s the very definition of insanity!! Saying the same stupid things over and over & expecting a different result. I think he should be terribly pleased that you’re collecting Nail Polish and not expensive baubles from the jewelry store!! As hobbies go…Nail Polish is a cheap & cheerful endevor! By the way…whereever did you find that EXCELLENT chicken in a top hat??

  16. Mark12A says:

    I don’t personally use nail polish, but I understand the obsessive nature of compulsive nail-polishers. I’ve watched my wife paint then remove, sometimes as many as a bunch of times.

    I will occasionally put on a disguise and get a manicure. It’s the second major time a young Vietnamese woman has offered to do something to me for ten dollars, the first being many, many years ago. However, due to the nasty toes I have, there will be no pedicures.

    Like you care, of course, unless I email you some more goat pictures.

  17. Liz says:

    With you, it’s nail polish.
    With me, it’s shoes (and boots and sandals).

    Fortunatly for me, Angry figured out that asking “How many shoes can you possibly wear at one time?” was useless.

    He just shakes his head when I walk in with 8 or 10 new pairs.

  18. Carra says:

    I fully understand your obsession with nail polish. My nail polish addiction goes back many years and has been escalating lately with all the new fads. I easily have more than 100 bottles of polish! Have you tried the new magnetic polishes? They come with a magnet on the cap and it creates a metallic wave design when you hold the magnet over your nail. Can’t wait to try the ones I bought this weekend!

  19. Jess says:

    Your post gave me an idea, but I don’t know how to bring it to market: A nail polish station, just like the paint department at the box store. All you buy is white, then pick your shade and they mix it on the spot. If you figure it out, I want a cut for the idea.

    I have a question: Is that J’s chicken? If so, do you think he might have tricked you?

  20. Nicole says:

    Nails have been did up proper. I am so jealous. I can’t keep a manicure looking nice past about 4 hours.

    • Laura says:

      Girl, go get a Shellac Manicure then! That shit lasts and doesn’t ruin your nails like the fake nails. If I get a Shellac done it stays put for weeks!

  21. DogsDontPurr says:

    Remember wayyy back in the day, you had to wait for Halloween to roll around, and if you were lucky, you might score a blue or green polish? The rest of the year it was just red or boring.

    And then Urban Decay came along….then Chanel saw $$$ signs…and now, poof! Nail COLOR!!

    (Hmmm…just writing out that timeline made me feel so old!)

    • Laura says:

      I used to go to Charlotte NC just to get Channel’s Vamp.

      I am so thankful for blue polish, by the way. Weird I know, but I love it.

  22. SB Smith says:

    At this link, http://www.makeupalley.com/product/showreview.asp/ItemId=97267/Nina_Ul The color circle and pic of the bottle are Not true to life especially the bottle, but the color descriptions in the reviews are accurate. It is a hot, neon pink.
    It has not been my experience that this color peels like the reviewers claim. When I get a pedicure and have this color put on, it stays on very well. It doesn’t peel off my toes easily at all. My toes still have 95% of the polish on them from a pedicure May 12th !!

  23. SB Smith says:

    Whoa !
    Have you seen this FB page with all the custom painted nails ?
    Some of those are AWESOME !
    “I Love Nail Polish”
    http://www.facebook.com/home.php?ref=home#!/pages/I-Love-Nail-Polish/378135732227144

  24. [...] I was inspired by my interwebby friends Laura and Nicole. Besides, it is a small vanity to have, one with which I can live. So, I decided to be a [...]

  25. Do you ever get high from the smell?

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