Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/includes/class.layout.php on line 164

Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/includes/class.layout.php on line 167

Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/includes/class.layout.php on line 170

Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/includes/class.layout.php on line 173

Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/includes/class.layout.php on line 176

Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/includes/class.layout.php on line 178

Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/includes/class.layout.php on line 180

Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/includes/class.layout.php on line 202

Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/includes/class.layout.php on line 206

Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/includes/class.layout.php on line 214

Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/includes/class.layout.php on line 215

Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/includes/class.layout.php on line 217

Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/includes/class.layout.php on line 321

Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/includes/class.layout.php on line 321

Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/includes/class.layout.php on line 321

Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/includes/class.layout.php on line 321

Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/admin/class.options.metapanel.php on line 56

Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/admin/class.options.metapanel.php on line 56

Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/admin/class.options.metapanel.php on line 56

Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/admin/class.options.metapanel.php on line 56

Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/admin/class.options.metapanel.php on line 56

Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/admin/class.options.metapanel.php on line 56

Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/admin/class.options.metapanel.php on line 56

Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/admin/class.options.metapanel.php on line 56

Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/admin/class.options.metapanel.php on line 56

Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/admin/class.options.metapanel.php on line 49
Steve Jobs is STILL stealing from me. | Fetch My Flying Monkeys
Everyone needs a fleet of flying monkeys to rip the stuffing out of the annoying people in their lives
— Laura

I’m locked out of iTunes and I’m freaking the fuck out. As you all know I got a new computer and, well, I transferred my iTunes library over to it where not only do I own over 400 songs, but I have dozens and dozens of movies and iPhone apps. I also have a massive store credit thanks to my crack-addict-like habit of purchasing iTunes cards every payday. Anyway, I transferred my stuff over, “authorized” the machine and all looked well. Then I went to rent a movie the other night and, as usual, it asked me for my user name and password, which I put in. Then it said I had to answer two security questions! I’m all “What the hell?” because it’s been years since I set up this account and I don’t remember having to ever answer any security questions. I clicked it anyway and the questions were so vague ( ie: Name a childhood friend) that I fucked them up multiple times and now I’m locked out! THEN I sent them an email explaining my dilemma and they sent back a reply basically stating “Oh, just send this back and we’ll reset.” So I did and what did they do? SENT ME THE SAME SECURITY QUESTIONS! So here I sit with no movie. I’m thinking it’s a conspiracy, that Apple is stealing my money to help pay for Steve’s cryo-unit.  He’ll be thawed out after iPhone 112s is released, all fitted with an iLiver and shit. Frozen zombie sonsabitch.

Now here’s a rendering I rendered y’all to show you what it feels like to be robbed by a dead zillionaire:

46 Comments
 

46 Responses to Steve Jobs is STILL stealing from me.

  1. Cheryl Lundgren says:

    OMG! iLiver! What a brilliant concept!! We could have iHeart, iKidney, iColon, iEye, the list is endless. You should copyright it now because I think they can now grow custom organs for you from your own stem cells.

    And BTW, I saw Matt Damon buy a zoo. Most boring movie ever. He’s much better killing people ala The Talented Mr. Ripley or Jason Bourne.

    As for the clueless people at iTunes, just keep sending e-mails until you get the one person who actually knows something and can fix your problem. This can take at least a dozen tries or more. With iTunes, who I think contracts with India for their customer service, maybe you should assume it will take 24 tries. Just keep toking up while you wait. I’d suggest playing some music too but that’s obviously not an option.

  2. Cheryl Lundgren says:

    Can you tell I’m up at friggin’ 2:13 a.m. because I ate a HUGE vanilla cupcake with about a pound of frosting around 11:00 a.m. this morning and I’m still buzzing. Crap.

  3. Princess says:

    I saw “bought a Zoo” It was a good movie. entertaining. but predictible.

  4. Tad says:

    Damn security people. It’s a good thing they are not securing our country.. idiots.

  5. Holiday says:

    Steve’s cryo-unit? YIKES! Now thats creepy.

  6. Tink says:

    I want a HUGE vanilla cupcake with about a pound of frosting on it…

  7. Yabu says:

    I’m way into iTunes, when it works. As you might know, my Mac 24 incher died after 6 years of 24/7, so I replaced it with a 15 incher and a external 19 inch Sony external monitor…just so I can drag shit back and forth. I got lucky, everything came across just fine. I do loves me some Time Machine. Never had to deal with a Dot.

    • Laura says:

      I think my problem is I have too many devices connected to it. And I do understand they’re only protecting my account. I loves me some iTunes. I am lost, LOST I TELL YOU, not being able to get in there!! Netflix and Amazon just aren’t the same.

  8. patti says:

    Pick up the phone….give ‘em a call?

  9. Janie Jones says:

    Damn identity safety Natzees. If they don’t get you fixed up pronto, you may have to resort to a iTunes free night of voodoo.

  10. Melaka says:

    How much sugar and liquor do you need to eat & drink before tapping into this awesomeness of brainpower? iLiver – you’re killing me!

  11. Alison says:

    That’s what you get for letting the hipsters into your wallet. Might be time for some off-the-grid therapy for you. The whore and hobo populations are about to take a nosedive, methinks.

  12. Curtal Friar says:

    Ya needs to go find a helpful 10 year old who can teach you some useful hacking skills, and then you need not worry in the future.

  13. Sue Dunham says:

    I find I have to write down my security answers. At least I put them in a locked file, NOT under the keyboard.

  14. lotta joy says:

    I went through the entire merry-go-round with google when MY blog and MY email got taken over – the passwords changed – and vulgar posts and vulgar emails were being done in my name. THREE TIMES I went through the email paperwork. My blog got shut down, but it SHOULD HAVE been returned to ME, the rightful owner.

    The internet is like the wild, wild west. No laws. No governing. And we can’t even shoot the robbers.

  15. scr_north says:

    I think that the iPhone 112s is the one that is implanted in your brain. It’s mandatory for all and one of the apps “helps” the user in understanding the recently thawed out Jobs issued edicts. It’s a really time saver for the user that doesn’t have to waste energy on stupid things like free will. All hail the Mighty Jobs.

  16. Jess says:

    iTried all day to come up with some snarky comment, but failed.

  17. Jeffro says:

    It’s probably just as well that Jobs kicked the bucket. He’s pissed you off, and that shortened his life expectancy considerably, what with your ninja sniper voodoo skilz and all. *I* would not wanna cross your path!

    Unless I had circus peanuts to bribe you with.

  18. Jennifer says:

    iTunes steals my money all the time!!

  19. It seems like your job as a secret agent or whatever should probably help with all that.

  20. CGHill says:

    It’s my experience that security sonsabitches are pretty much all cut from the same piece of [name of in disgusting substance], and they’re always trying to outdo one another. This is Apple’s “How can we one-up Google without actually asking for your mobile number, like they’re doing all the time?”

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

*

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>