While driving home from work yesterday a poor little squirrel made the decision to cross the street just as my
Death Mobile car came barreling down the road. When I saw him, I held my breath hoping he had the good sense to hunker down. But he was a squirrel with poor decision skills, so I heard the crunch under my right front tire even over the radio. His name was Ed, because he deserves a name, and I prayed him into Heaven, even though I’m kind of thinking it might have been suicide, and the Church would frown on that, but then again the Church frowns on roadkill going to Heaven to begin with, so to Hell with them – the Church, not the roadkill. Anyway, now I’m going to write Ed’s eulogy poem before a bolt of lightning comes down and smites the fuck out of me.
Ode to Ed the Squirrel
A Poem of Eulogy by Laura Ledford
It’s a nice spring for squirrels, but not for dear, sweet Ed.
Most go foraging for nuts, but Ed just ended up dead.
Smashed by a Toyota, struck down in his prime.
Now he’s part of the highway, head flatter than a dime.
I hope you didn’t leave a family, some kids perhaps or maybe just a wife.
Either way you really shouldn’t have been so careless with your life.
I’ll never forget the sound you made Ed, I heard it even over Adele.
And I hope it wasn’t suicide ’cause you might go straight to Hell.
Rest in peace, little dude. Your troubles are over. And if it wasn’t suicide, I’m sorry I murdered you with my car.89 Comments