Everyone needs a fleet of flying monkeys to rip the stuffing out of the annoying people in their lives
— Laura
J: “How are you? How’d it go?”
Me: “I think I broke a rib in my sleep last night and it punctured my lung.”
J: laughs
Me: “Dude, why are you laughing? It hurts.”
J: “You always go for the worst case scenario.”
Me: “No, I don’t.”
J: “Yes you do.”
Me: “If I went for the worst case scenario I would have said ‘I think I had a pulmonary embolism.’ Now say you’re sorry.”
J: “Uh huh.”
Me: “Now let me go, I think my deep vein thrombosis is about to rupture.”
J: “Leg cramp?”
Me: *click*
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44 Responses to With spring comes a plethora of charity runs and a plethora of potentially fatal injuries. Not that anyone cares.
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Haha Obviously there are negatives to knowing too many medical conditions!
There really is. Watched too many medical shows.
Funny you should post this today. I got up in the middle of the night last night to pee, and stumped the ever-loving fuck out of my big toe. Damn, I was cussing so loud I woke up the Juju Woman and Stretch. Stretch thought we were under attack and was all up and barking with the Rhodesian Ridgeback hair stripe from head to tail. Hell, I’m limping around like I stepped on broken glass.
I hope your rib feels better. Probably need some gin and juice.
You probably broke it and now it will go gangrenous on you and fall off. Or not.
Nothing like killing yourself for charity! LOL!
I know, right?
Ever watch them put in a chest tube on those real hospital shows? ‘nough said.
YES! I think I needed one.
I woke with a subdural hematoma the other morning. My wife laughed and said it was only a sinus headache. Then she asked me if the life insurance policy was still in the safety deposit box.
Uh oh. See, I’m not leaving anyone shit. I’m playing it careful.
A large life insurance policy or a family trust is a sure way to die early. I watch Snapped. I know these things. I’m spending it all every single month down to the last cent.
Me too! Fuck inviting trouble, and you can’t take it with you!
Oh were you in the run Saturday in Columbia? It was awesome. You could not ask for better weather…Loved it. sore? yeah buddy!
Then the storms from Hell hit that night!
J should have been rubbing your feet.. and what ever else hurt. Insensitive men..humfffff.
He really should.
My God, that man has no compassion! Make him take a Red Cross First Aid course, STAT! At least he will then know (like you obviously do) the signs and symptoms of life-threatening injuries and illnesses.
It would do no good. He’s like a Kevorkian of boyfriends.
About the only thing you can’t catch while running is rabies.
Unless you stop to drink water. Then you are pretty much screwed.
I care, which is why I relay this information.
More people should be like you. But they’re not. Mainly J. He’s an insensitive sonsabitch.
He’ll be sorry one day. Nazi bastard.
He really will, that sonsabitch!
It’s probably just your liver and kidneys failing.
I bet so too.
I’ll send you another goat picture to cheer you up. In the meantime, breathe shallowly and hold a pillow up to the side of your head so you won’t break anything important when you pass out.
You must be a sports scientist.
More goats are always welcomed.
Reminds me, I have goat pics to post! They’ll be up W/Th/Fr. I totally need some baby goats to play with. It’s only Monday and its already been one of those weeks. Sigh.
MORE GOATS is what I say.
Please tell me he makes it up to you for his emotional neglect?
Yes he does.
Well I’m not running for charity, I’m running from the Zombie horde. So what’s a broken rib or two as long as a Zombie isn’t munching on it?
https://www.facebook.com/TheZombieHorde
I wish we had a zombie run here. I want to be a zombie if certain bitches are running. Good reason to throw their asses down and bust a head open. I mean…er, it would be fun.
Brains……
More than likely…lack of . Ha!
Look on the bright side, Laura. You didn’t have any limbs fall of from the leprosy.
Although, that would make you a star in the zombie run. Queen even.
It would, wouldn’t it. Then I’d beat someone over the head with it.
Whenever I have a pain I can’t explain, I imagine someone has a voo-doo doll of me and is jabbing me with a pin. Ow!!! Stop jabbing me in the side!!!
I really do voodoo works. Not that I would voodoo you. Yet. Errr.. I mean ever.
What a nazi.
I ‘ve been tellin’ y’all that.
I’d bet it’s a big flare-up of your thumb rabies. Just think, when you and your Boo hook up, he’ll be all kinds of considerate, or maybe he’ll hire it done. But it’ll be nice, whatever.
Ha! YEAH!
1st of all, any time I’m in pain I automatically think I’m going to die, so you have way better articulatory skills about what is happening in your body than I do.
2nd of all, J must be damn good in the sack cuz he’s totally an insensitive Nazi.
and 3rd of all……the reality show that kills me is “I didn’t know I was pregnant” uh really? yeah that trumps all the reality medical shows. I’m such a weirdo
THE TOILET BABIES! YES! I love those too. I’m all WTF through the whole thing. I love how they all think they just need to take a shit! HA!