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With spring comes a plethora of charity runs and a plethora of potentially fatal injuries. Not that anyone cares. | Fetch My Flying Monkeys
Everyone needs a fleet of flying monkeys to rip the stuffing out of the annoying people in their lives
— Laura

J: “How are you? How’d it go?”

Me: “I think I broke a rib in my sleep last night and it punctured my lung.”

J: laughs

Me: “Dude, why are you laughing? It hurts.”

J: “You always go for the worst case scenario.”

Me: “No, I don’t.”

J: “Yes you do.”

Me: “If I went for the worst case scenario I would have said ‘I think I had a pulmonary embolism.’ Now say you’re sorry.”

J: “Uh huh.”

Me: “Now let me go, I think my deep vein thrombosis is about to rupture.”

J: “Leg cramp?”

Me: *click*

44 Comments
 

44 Responses to With spring comes a plethora of charity runs and a plethora of potentially fatal injuries. Not that anyone cares.

  1. Momcat says:

    Haha Obviously there are negatives to knowing too many medical conditions!

  2. Yabu says:

    Funny you should post this today. I got up in the middle of the night last night to pee, and stumped the ever-loving fuck out of my big toe. Damn, I was cussing so loud I woke up the Juju Woman and Stretch. Stretch thought we were under attack and was all up and barking with the Rhodesian Ridgeback hair stripe from head to tail. Hell, I’m limping around like I stepped on broken glass.

    I hope your rib feels better. Probably need some gin and juice.

  3. Jennifer says:

    Nothing like killing yourself for charity! LOL!

  4. Rita says:

    Ever watch them put in a chest tube on those real hospital shows? ‘nough said.

  5. Jess says:

    I woke with a subdural hematoma the other morning. My wife laughed and said it was only a sinus headache. Then she asked me if the life insurance policy was still in the safety deposit box.

  6. Twinkie says:

    Oh were you in the run Saturday in Columbia? It was awesome. You could not ask for better weather…Loved it. sore? yeah buddy!

  7. Princess. says:

    J should have been rubbing your feet.. and what ever else hurt. Insensitive men..humfffff.

  8. Suzanne says:

    My God, that man has no compassion! Make him take a Red Cross First Aid course, STAT! At least he will then know (like you obviously do) the signs and symptoms of life-threatening injuries and illnesses.

  9. About the only thing you can’t catch while running is rabies.

    Unless you stop to drink water. Then you are pretty much screwed.

    I care, which is why I relay this information.

  10. Hoody Hoo says:

    He’ll be sorry one day. Nazi bastard.

  11. The Nickster says:

    It’s probably just your liver and kidneys failing.

  12. Mark12A says:

    I’ll send you another goat picture to cheer you up. In the meantime, breathe shallowly and hold a pillow up to the side of your head so you won’t break anything important when you pass out.

  13. Jena says:

    Please tell me he makes it up to you for his emotional neglect?

  14. Cheryl Lundgren says:

    Well I’m not running for charity, I’m running from the Zombie horde. So what’s a broken rib or two as long as a Zombie isn’t munching on it?

    https://www.facebook.com/TheZombieHorde

  15. Look on the bright side, Laura. You didn’t have any limbs fall of from the leprosy.
    Although, that would make you a star in the zombie run. Queen even.

  16. Fluffy says:

    Whenever I have a pain I can’t explain, I imagine someone has a voo-doo doll of me and is jabbing me with a pin. Ow!!! Stop jabbing me in the side!!!

  17. Jeffro says:

    I’d bet it’s a big flare-up of your thumb rabies. Just think, when you and your Boo hook up, he’ll be all kinds of considerate, or maybe he’ll hire it done. But it’ll be nice, whatever.

  18. Dannie says:

    1st of all, any time I’m in pain I automatically think I’m going to die, so you have way better articulatory skills about what is happening in your body than I do.

    2nd of all, J must be damn good in the sack cuz he’s totally an insensitive Nazi.

    and 3rd of all……the reality show that kills me is “I didn’t know I was pregnant” uh really? yeah that trumps all the reality medical shows. I’m such a weirdo

    • Laura says:

      THE TOILET BABIES! YES! I love those too. I’m all WTF through the whole thing. I love how they all think they just need to take a shit! HA!

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