Everyone needs a fleet of flying monkeys to rip the stuffing out of the annoying people in their lives
— Laura

As you all know, one of my co-workers quit about four weeks ago. Today I was planning on meeting with upper management and discussing why they need to fill that vacancy in my department. I was working on a PowerPoint presentation until I spotted these in the grocery store yesterday:

Now I will be using an interpretive dance to give my presentation while wearing my Ten Plagues Finger Puppets.

“And God said ‘Thou shall fill thy position left barren or frogs shall rain upon thee from the sky.’”

 *Waves arms in the air as I twirl about the room*

 ”Ribbit! Ribbit! Splat! Splat!”

 *Jazz hands* *Twirl*

*Jazz hands*  *Twirl*


65 Responses to Now I can add Presentation Scientist to my resume. I may need to update it soon after today.

  1. Suzanne says:

    LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!! I need a set of those. All I can threaten upper management with is hugh fines from the feds and embarrasing stories in the press.

  2. Jennifer says:

    LMAO!!!!!! I want to be in that meeting!!!

  3. Heather says:

    *Jazz Hands* *Twirl* LOL!!!

  4. Yabu says:

    Damn, they should hire two people…frogs falling from the sky is bad,,,but lice, now that’s some really bad bad juju. If you threaten ‘em with lice, they’ll probably give you a raise, if they’re smart. What’s the point of Powerpoint, when you can use lice? Be careful, or you’ll have to burn everything…let ‘em know that.

  5. Jess says:

    I was reading the package and trying to figure out what finger puppets have to do with passover, when I found the “choking hazard” warning. I’m thinking you just can’t leave them around after your presentation. If one of your bosses chokes, you’ll be charged with something, unless you stick the receipt for the puppets in their pocket.

  6. Argentium G. Tiger says:

    Ten? Fantastic! 8 for the spider, two for you. Management loves the spider. Yes they do.

  7. Never again, will I doubt your commitment to Sparkle Motion.

  8. Jena says:

    I will be your back up. You find the craziest shit!

  9. Michelle J says:

    Wow! To be a frog on the wall for that presentation!

  10. The Nickster says:

    Of course….taser in the opposing hand. Kinda impacts “jazz hands”, but sometimes you need to sacrafice in the name of science…and tasing.

  11. Curtal Friar says:

    Hmmm….two thoughts.

    1. You should definitely film the interpretive plague dance and post the video for all your loyal fans to watch.

    2. If the frog dance doesn’t work, you could always take a cue from Willard and threaten ‘em with a plague of bloodthirsty killer rats.

    If I were your boss, that would do it for me. I hate rats.

  12. Alison says:

    Pics or it didn’t happen!

  13. I can’t believe I’m typing this, but….


  14. Handflapper says:

    In what section of the grocery store do I find these Passover puppets? I don’t have a boss to threaten, but I can think of at least a half-dozen other people who could use a good plague.

  15. Fluffy says:

    When Laura was in Egypt’s land…. Let my Laura go…

  16. Larry says:

    You really are multi-talented. I am in awe!

  17. Shane Cranford says:

    That “Choking Hazard” warning should be for all ages…seriously, a little dead firstborn baby finger puppet?

  18. What an adorable way to break the news to someone that they have lice or, uh, too many frogs.

  19. Nicole says:

    That’s just minorly creepy.

  20. Sophia says:

    Be prepared for a long presentation. Moses had to go through all ten before Pharaoh caved. And even then he changed his mind.

  21. Jena says:

    so… how did the meeting go?

  22. Double-extra-super-points for using jazz hands. Those finger puppets are practically crying out for jazz hands.

  23. Jeffro says:

    Management just does NOT know what they have in you. You should be promoted to full time decoration and entertainment for employee morale, instead of fighting you over spiders and such. But, genius often goes unnoticed and unrewarded, dangit.

  24. Dannie says:

    I find that visualization goes a long way to prove your point. I approve of this tactic.

  25. Tink says:

    Sometimes….I just dont know what to say. But I do know… “I WANT THOSE PUPPETS”

  26. I meant to comment on this the other day but I was linked by a celebrity and that just fucked everything up. But I digress. To wit:

    If I recall my Dr. Phibes correctly–and I do–there was no Plague of Ashes, and certainly, no plague of Bozo The Clown…well, at least not until the 1950s.
    And as everyone knows, that is New Testament.

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