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Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/admin/class.options.metapanel.php on line 49 Now I can add Presentation Scientist to my resume. I may need to update it soon after today. | Fetch My Flying Monkeys
As you all know, one of my co-workers quit about four weeks ago. Today I was planning on meeting with upper management and discussing why they need to fill that vacancy in my department. I was working on a PowerPoint presentation until I spotted these in the grocery store yesterday:
Now I will be using an interpretive dance to give my presentation while wearing my Ten Plagues Finger Puppets.
“And God said ‘Thou shall fill thy position left barren or frogs shall rain upon thee from the sky.’”
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!! I need a set of those. All I can threaten upper management with is hugh fines from the feds and embarrasing stories in the press.
I like to use a calm, matter-of-fact tone. Me: Hmmmm. By my count, that is 6 infractions of the law. We can be fined, oh, $500 to $5000 per offense. Hmmmm…. we should plan on the $5000 per offense figure, cause this is the third time they caught us.
Damn, they should hire two people…frogs falling from the sky is bad,,,but lice, now that’s some really bad bad juju. If you threaten ‘em with lice, they’ll probably give you a raise, if they’re smart. What’s the point of Powerpoint, when you can use lice? Be careful, or you’ll have to burn everything…let ‘em know that.
I was reading the package and trying to figure out what finger puppets have to do with passover, when I found the “choking hazard” warning. I’m thinking you just can’t leave them around after your presentation. If one of your bosses chokes, you’ll be charged with something, unless you stick the receipt for the puppets in their pocket.
In what section of the grocery store do I find these Passover puppets? I don’t have a boss to threaten, but I can think of at least a half-dozen other people who could use a good plague.
I did! And they were fantastic! I just glanced at them at lunch, and gonna look ‘em over real good when I get home. I need to know the way of the attack bird.
Management just does NOT know what they have in you. You should be promoted to full time decoration and entertainment for employee morale, instead of fighting you over spiders and such. But, genius often goes unnoticed and unrewarded, dangit.
I meant to comment on this the other day but I was linked by a celebrity and that just fucked everything up. But I digress. To wit:
If I recall my Dr. Phibes correctly–and I do–there was no Plague of Ashes, and certainly, no plague of Bozo The Clown…well, at least not until the 1950s.
And as everyone knows, that is New Testament.
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!! I need a set of those. All I can threaten upper management with is hugh fines from the feds and embarrasing stories in the press.
Oooooo that sounds like fun. I hope you tell that through interpretive dance too.
Interpretive Dance? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DGQB3y9jql0
That looks exactly like my interpretive dancing.
I like to use a calm, matter-of-fact tone. Me: Hmmmm. By my count, that is 6 infractions of the law. We can be fined, oh, $500 to $5000 per offense. Hmmmm…. we should plan on the $5000 per offense figure, cause this is the third time they caught us.
Then do jazz hands!! Ha!
LMAO!!!!!! I want to be in that meeting!!!
You just want to help with the presentation.
*Jazz Hands* *Twirl* LOL!!!
With feeling!
Damn, they should hire two people…frogs falling from the sky is bad,,,but lice, now that’s some really bad bad juju. If you threaten ‘em with lice, they’ll probably give you a raise, if they’re smart. What’s the point of Powerpoint, when you can use lice? Be careful, or you’ll have to burn everything…let ‘em know that.
We need to buy stock in RID.
True that!
I was reading the package and trying to figure out what finger puppets have to do with passover, when I found the “choking hazard” warning. I’m thinking you just can’t leave them around after your presentation. If one of your bosses chokes, you’ll be charged with something, unless you stick the receipt for the puppets in their pocket.
Hmmm…there’s an idea…
Ten? Fantastic! 8 for the spider, two for you. Management loves the spider. Yes they do.
Ha! If that were only true.
Never again, will I doubt your commitment to Sparkle Motion.
And don’t you forget it, honey!
I will be your back up. You find the craziest shit!
I do, don’t I?
Deal.
Wow! To be a frog on the wall for that presentation!
And have it jump on their heads!
And pee on their heads!!
Ha!
Of course….taser in the opposing hand. Kinda impacts “jazz hands”, but sometimes you need to sacrafice in the name of science…and tasing.
Always. For tasering anyway.
Hmmm….two thoughts.
1. You should definitely film the interpretive plague dance and post the video for all your loyal fans to watch.
2. If the frog dance doesn’t work, you could always take a cue from Willard and threaten ‘em with a plague of bloodthirsty killer rats.
If I were your boss, that would do it for me. I hate rats.
I loved that movie! (And the song to the sequel “Ben.”)
I had a pet rat. He was cool.
Pics or it didn’t happen!
I could do a rendering perhaps.
I can’t believe I’m typing this, but….
UP TWINKLES!!!!
HAHAHA! **JAZZ HANDS!*
In what section of the grocery store do I find these Passover puppets? I don’t have a boss to threaten, but I can think of at least a half-dozen other people who could use a good plague.
It was with the Kosher foods. Everyone needs a set.
Kosher foods are between the shellfish and the cheeseburger makings on the pork aisle.
Hope you got those hit-bird pictures I sent ya!
I did! And they were fantastic! I just glanced at them at lunch, and gonna look ‘em over real good when I get home. I need to know the way of the attack bird.
In Japanese, it’s called “Bird Do”. That’s pronounced “DOE” not “DOO”.
I think.
I like “DOO” better.
When Laura was in Egypt’s land…. Let my Laura go…
HAHA! I started singing that in my head.
You really are multi-talented. I am in awe!
I get that a lot.
That “Choking Hazard” warning should be for all ages…seriously, a little dead firstborn baby finger puppet?
God don’t play.
What an adorable way to break the news to someone that they have lice or, uh, too many frogs.
Ain’t it though.
That’s just minorly creepy.
It’s something I would invent for children. Mostly cause I don’t like children.
Be prepared for a long presentation. Moses had to go through all ten before Pharaoh caved. And even then he changed his mind.
Now you tell me.
so… how did the meeting go?
Cancelled. So I had no fun.
Double-extra-super-points for using jazz hands. Those finger puppets are practically crying out for jazz hands.
They really are.
Management just does NOT know what they have in you. You should be promoted to full time decoration and entertainment for employee morale, instead of fighting you over spiders and such. But, genius often goes unnoticed and unrewarded, dangit.
Don’t it though. I keep telling them, but they don’t listen.
I find that visualization goes a long way to prove your point. I approve of this tactic.
Thank you.
Sometimes….I just dont know what to say. But I do know… “I WANT THOSE PUPPETS”
They’re at Publix.
Of course, I should have known.
HA! The actual order is- George Clooney, baby goat, Lexus LFA.
I meant to comment on this the other day but I was linked by a celebrity and that just fucked everything up. But I digress. To wit:
If I recall my Dr. Phibes correctly–and I do–there was no Plague of Ashes, and certainly, no plague of Bozo The Clown…well, at least not until the 1950s.
And as everyone knows, that is New Testament.
I thought it was Bozo too!