My purse is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get.
I had a headache all day and just a little while ago I found a pill in the bottom of my purse and I took it even though I have no idea what kind of pill it was. I’m pretty certain it’s been in there for over a year, so if its something bad it should have lost some of it’s potency by now. If it hasn’t, well, I’m leaving this blog entry as evidence so that there doesn’t have to be an autopsy. I don’t like the idea of being filleted on a steel table in all my rigor mortis nekkidness glory and have all my organs taken out and weighed and measured while they eat a sandwich and say shit like “the liver has the same appearance of a Sterno-addicted 80 year old hobo and there also appear to be pieces of circus peanuts lodged throughout the subject’s entire system” into a microphone. The pill was kinda pinkish and had no markings. Now that I think about it, it may have been an old Smartie candy. In that case I should be okay, unless old Smarties go through some kind of chemical change and become toxic. I’m leaving this entry up just in case.
Now here’s a picture of an awesome goat to enjoy until I return (fingers crossed):63 Comments
63 Responses to My purse is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get.
Leave a Reply Cancel reply
Links to Enjoy
- Andrew Knapp Photos.
- Pot Noodles.
- The Hyena Handlers of Nigeria.
- Rest in fucking pieces, Mr. Darcy.
- Wake Up!
- Hitler's Home Movies.
- Subway Surfer.
- MC Mom.
- Is Your Girlfriend a Horse?
- Now I want to go to Iceland.
- Karaoke Hitler.
- Wake up! They see us!
- How a Gas Nozzle Knows When To Shut Off.
- A Yelp Review left for Walter Palmer's Dental Practice.
- Sleeping Guy Gets Twizzlered.
- Birds in Watercolor.
- When Taunting Goes Wrong.
- Google Sheep View.
- 3 year old girl explain the complexities of childbirth in 4 seconds.
BWAHAHA!! You’ll return…I have faith!
I think I’m okay….just a slight twitch in one eye.
Last week, I used a tube of deep heat muscle cream to ease my shoulder cramps. Turns out that it expired in 1999 and it fucking BURNED.
It’s like playing Russian Roulette with outdated medicine. Pharmaceutical Roulette. I hope your shoulder’s better and you didn’t fry it off or something.
I think it pretty much burnt through to my pain receptors until I couldn’t feel anything anymore.
Well, as long as the pain went away, that’s all that matters.
LOL! I hope it was a Smartie and it didn’t go through any chemical change.
(I can’t stop laughing!!)
So far, so good.
Hahaha! Just so you know, the worst Australian prison riot in history began after a bunch of prisoners broke into the prison pharmacy, and ate all the pills. They had no idea what they were…they just swallowed ‘em.
Ha! If I were in prision I’d do the same thing, AFTER I raided the kitchen.
That would be a smart move, better to take all that shit on a full stomach.
LMFAO!!!! Well, is your headache better? That is a pretty goat!
Yes, it’s better thank you. That is one happy smiling goat, ain’t it?
Glad ur better. Old smarties get dumber when expired. Fact
Yeah, they lose their sugary goodness and just cause temporary paralysis.
Ok, If you start posting things like “20 ways to make a brain sandwich” or “I’m bored, lets go to the cemetery and dig up some old friends” I am not going to read your blog anymore. FYI. ‘Cuz I can’t handle that Zombie crap. I just can’t. Nuh uh, not doin’ it….
Ooooo I like zombies…well, not like, but I like to stay in practice for The Apocalypse. It’s coming.
You can find anything on Al Gore’s Internet: http://www.noslang.com/drugs/dictionary/p/
Now whatcha doin’ lookin’ up them there drug slang terms?
you need to watch out for the grammer Nazi
Fuck the Grammar Nazi.
I noticed on NCIS that they politely cover your nekked parts while peeling your body. So I wouldn’t worry about that. I’m sure all morgues do the same because they probably all watch NCIS and want to emulate Ducky. As for the pill, if you’re reading this you must have survived unless you’re a zombie in which case, you won’t be reading anything. I don’t think zombies are into reading.
I did survive and I bet all the morgue workers pose by your nekkid bits while making gang signs and post them on Facebook.
You think morgue workers are morbid?
Morgue workers drive slowly through morbid, and then speed onto really bizarre. During an autopsy I attended (I attended a bunch of them) one of the techs said, “nice tits” and the other one said “do you want one?” and they both cracked up. I almost dropped a chunk of my tuna sandwich at that one.
Good lawd. I don’t even want to think about the shit they say.
The goat seems to be trying to say “I used to be a gerbil until I ate a mysterious pink pill I found in the bottom of Laura’s purse.”
Ooooo so I’ll turn into a goat? Could be worse.
I would say, once you begin discoving unidentifiable meds, its time for a new purse.
Ha! Good rule to live by!
I can’t figure out how a pill, or a smartie, lasted that long without discovery.
That goat could hide in a herd of zebras, jump out and scare the shit out of a lion. I’m going to call it the stealth goat.
Yeah.. a stealth goat would be equally awesome.
Oh dear, I can hear the pathology diener now,
“Wow…you know how some people have 10 lbs. of undigested beef in their bowels ?….Well, this chick’s got several lbs. of undigested bacon in here ……Hmm, Got any eggs ?”
Hope you’re Ok….
My MIL has a purse she had to stop using because things would disappear and she’d literally have to empty the entire thing out to find something small.
YES! I have a Bermuda Triangle purse too!
I found a pink pill in my bra once. It was the blood pressue pill I was trying to take that morning. I had dropped it and couldn’t find it. While eating dinner, I dropped a hunk of food in the bra as well. When I went to retrive the food, the pill was in there too. At least I knew what it was for (and that I wouldn’t turn into a goat if I took it)! HA!
Ha! My bra doesn’t catch anything ; ( Ha!
A number of comments come to mind…
When I was working as a nurse manager, some afternoons I would hand out smarties – I called them “Smart pills” as in “Get on over here, you bitches, it is time for your smart pills!” After we got all sugared up we would make fun of the patients, laugh loudly and do the Electric Slide in front of the nurse’s station. Patients and staff loved me. Administration – not so much.
I know the feeling….administration always hated me.
…and now, you can play the banjo!
Sometimes. I just dont know what to say….. This is one of those times….. Im in aaawwwwww!
I’m still alive and that’s all that counts I reckon.
It seems like maybe you should clean out your purse more often. Or label your medications. Either/or.
That would take the fun out of things.
Clearly, that is one awsome goat. But my wife and I raise goats and chickens. Goats are awsome. Chickens are cool too. You might throw a bit of love their way. To chickens that is.
I had chickens once! And they were cool.
Actually old medications don’t really lose potency. They just forget what they are supposed to do and then they morph into something else. You should begin growing your new arm any day now.
YAY! I could use an extra hand around this place.
By the way, how’s your headache?
Mark, how do you get to see so many autopies? I wanna see one.
I spent ten years as a police officer and four of those as an evidence technician; collecting evidence from crime scenes. The homicide detectives liked how I worked so I would get called in on murders. I guess they liked that my reports were complete and detailed. Anyway, after a couple of years of it, I developed an aversion to sunlight and a craving for scotch for breakfast.
It could be that one birth control pill you forgot that time you went to the circus and woke up in the clown car nekked.
Oh that happens to everyone, right? Right?
Just saw Smarties easter egg bubble gum out for Easter. Bought some for little Bob, no report yet (he has sharing issues like his mom), but hey .. they’re smarties. No brainer hey?
You can’t lose with Smarties, except maybe old ones.
If you just swallow them you can’t really tell how old they are.
There has been a dearth of writing on your site. This worries me and allows me to use the word “dearth” in a sentence for the first time in my life.
Ha! I am glad I could help you out. I am busy busy busy!
Whew! Glad to see you’re still a Corporeal American. As for Smarties, they are one of those strange candy phenomena, because I only see them at Halloween, kind of like candy corn.
Like candy corn.