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More proof that J is a freedom-hating Nazi. | Fetch My Flying Monkeys
Everyone needs a fleet of flying monkeys to rip the stuffing out of the annoying people in their lives
— Laura

Me: ”I have to get up early this week. Richelle, Dee, and I are going to start running in Shandon in the mornings.”

J: “Why in Shandon? That seems out of the way for all three of you.”

Me: “A naked man has been spotted there several times. Apparently he drives around naked in a silver Honda, sees women running, and jumps out whacking his wiener at them.”

J: “What the..? And you three want this to happen?”

Me: “Hell yeah. I’ve been wanting to taser someone. Dee wants to film it, and, well, Richelle says she wants use a baseball bat on his knees, but I think running with a bat would be too cumbersome.” 

J: -

Me: “Besides, she might scare him off if he spots the bat.”

J: ”Okay. Let’s say you all do this, then what?”

Me: “We’ll call the cops, silly.”

J: “Well, at least you’re saying something that’s starting to make sense here.”

Me: “Of course, if he has a newish Honda, we may joyride in it first.”

J: “You mean, take his car?”

Me: “Yeah, what’s he going to do? Call the cops? ‘Oh Officers, I wagged my wiener at them all naked and shit, they knee-capped me, tasered me, took pictures, and then stole my car?’ I think not.” laughs  “Oh, and I guess we should probably bring some Clorox wipes. We don’t want to be sitting in nasty perv nutsack sweat. And God only knows what would be on the steering wheel.” *shivers* 

J: “I am not posting bail for any of you. Seriously. Don’t call. I mean it. Do. Not. Call.”

Me: “Chill, Adolph, I got my tax return.”

 

Now here’s a rendering of how we imagine it will go down:

Yes, it is pure HELL running in heels.

70 Comments
 

70 Responses to More proof that J is a freedom-hating Nazi.

  1. Duane says:

    Literally laughed out loud ya crazy fool!

  2. Yabu says:

    I’ve got y’all’s bail, no problem. Offer Richelle and Dee a job in the New Town. Maybe Head Beat Runners or something. Your call.

  3. One Crazed Chick says:

    Never run in heels, I’ll drive you around the neighborhood until we find him. Then you three girls can have your fun, plus you’ll have a get away car

  4. Poor J. So much *facepalm* so early in the morning.

    However, I think if more women took a similar approach to life instead of being whiny-ass bitches, men wouldn’t be so flagrant with their weiner-waving perversions.

  5. Jennifer says:

    LMAOOOOOO! This is funny as hell! I bet J just shook his head. LMAOOOOOO!

    P.S. I want to go too! lol

  6. Heather says:

    I don’t know what line I like better “We don’t want to be sitting in nasty perv nutsack sweat” or “Chill, Adolph, I got my tax return.” And that rendering is golden! LOL!

  7. Tink says:

    I just can not wait for the 10pm news.. Classic!!

  8. January Snow says:

    Ya know, I do believe that would work….. all of it… go get um! Love the picture…..wont he be surprised! HA!

  9. Mr. Bingley says:

    I’d load up on those Clorox wipes…yeeeech.

  10. Richelle should take an expandable baton instead. It’s handier, and leaves a better….impression ;)

  11. Bob says:

    Even that early in the morning you are looking out for the social good. BTW love your capaign poster at Soylent Greens site!

    http://cbullitt.wordpress.com/2012/01/24/finally-a-presidential-candidate-with-ideas/

  12. mindy says:

    Please, please do this! It’s also a dream of mine. Not seeing a naked man (as that IS as easy as shooting fish in a barrel), but beating the crap out of some chester-molester pervert. The filming is the coup de grace. Sorry about the French.

  13. Jeffro says:

    You take the cake!

  14. jena says:

    O..m..g..

    Can i run with yall? I can use my ninja ( seriously it says ninja ) nack brace and immobilize him. I will send i a pic of my brace…lol

  15. CGHill says:

    I wonder if Pep Boys has something you can spritz onto auto upholstery to remove nasty perv nutsack sweat.

  16. Fluffy says:

    I hope you embed the clip on this blog, so we can all see you kicking ass!

  17. Timothy J McCorkle says:

    Long Time No Chat… shoulda photoshopped Your head onto one of them… Congrats on SG endorsement… Green Candidate? ( He shoulda photoshopped Jack into that basket!

  18. cricket says:

    You go jogging in high heels? How cool is that.

  19. keeskennis says:

    Lets hope you don’t win the competion for my 200,000 snts visit.
    Welcome to the family

    I am hitting 200,000 visits in the next 20 hours or so.
    If you’re no is no 200,000 I will spend a whole post slagging you and why you should not be the next president. Now that is worth more than 200,000 of Sierra Leone, leones.
    So as they say in Chicago and Freetown, visit soon and visit again and again.

  20. Liz says:

    LOL. Just LOL.

    My hubby works for a company that makes Clorox wipes. I might be able to get you a case at a slight discount. Although with a perv like that, you’ll probably need more than a case.

  21. QueenBee says:

    LOL- I would so love the opportunity to do something like that…. and I carry Clorox wipes in my purse!

  22. Brea says:

    LOVE the rendering. So lifelike! Except I think the perv’s head is supposed to be smaller, and his eyes reaaaaally close together, aren’t they? I mean, I’ve been told those pervs have really small heads and beady little eyes. You know, for easy identification.

    Get him! And I can’t wait to see the film!

  23. Jess says:

    You need a catchy name like: “Laura’s Tallywhackers”, which you can place on magnetic signs, so you can put it on stolen cars. That way they can’t trace your license number and stop you from your crime fighting.

  24. keeskennis says:

    Hi Laura
    Ta for the comment at my place.
    You win no prizes but you have now commented at a place wich Yabu (your Pal) describes as “He is fucking crazy”
    Sorry I do not do HTML, that would just be rude
    see my sidebar
    I think HTML tags and attributes should be kept for selling G.Klooney WHORES doncha.
    And as a non winner I will have to support your candicy or WTF.

  25. Chesterthedrivingperv says:

    HEY! You have your hobbies and I have mine. Why you gotta be such a h8ter yo.

  26. Hoody Hoo says:

    Those tight pants look like they’re gonna chafe, you whore.

  27. The Nickster says:

    Shit yeah, taser action! I would suggest that if the dude doesn’t show, you just tase another jogger. Perfectly good taser going to waste.

  28. barbara says:

    that’s a good one!

  29. Dude! (Is it ok that I said “dude”?) I would totally want to run into him, too. Even without the tazer and baseball bat, that would be the best story.

    Where is Shandon? Is it within driving distance from MD? Can I run, too?

  30. This is exactly what should happen to every knob wagger. They are completely naked and defenseless, so many wonderfully awful things could be done to them. And, your scenario would make the best newspaper story, ever.

  31. Nicole says:

    I have complete faith. I see no reason for it not to go down exactly as you have rendered.

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