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The Dinosaur Diaries: Entry Four | Fetch My Flying Monkeys
Everyone needs a fleet of flying monkeys to rip the stuffing out of the annoying people in their lives
— Laura

This incident involving one of my dinosaurs occurred yesterday evening around 6:12 p.m. The following is an accurate account of the incident to the best of my recollection.

The Incident

I was on the couch in the den watching bad reality television, the cats were on two separate chairs licking their butts, and Jack was on the floor chewing his rawhide chewy. I got up to get a bottle of water in the kitchen and upon my return I saw that my T-Rex was on the floor! I immediately ran to my fallen T-Rex, mentally making note that Jack was nowhere around so odds were my T-Rex would be alright. I put him back on the entertainment center shelf and turned to yell at the cats, figuring one of them threw him down when I noticed something.

The Injury 

I was all “Holy shit, I wasn’t out of the room more than five minutes!” How could this be? Maybe it’s diabetes.

Diabetes

That’s his new name.

76 Comments
 

76 Responses to The Dinosaur Diaries: Entry Four

  1. Larry says:

    Just the one toe?

    I think Jack was framed.

  2. Suzanne says:

    You remember that facemask in “Silence of the Lambs?” Diabetes needs one.

  3. Erinyes says:

    Maybe it’s leprosy…

  4. One Crazed Chick says:

    It couldn’t have been Jack who injured T-Rex. I vote for the zombies entering the house when you left the room

  5. Jennifer says:

    OH MY GOD!! Jack is so bad (but so cute!)

  6. Heather says:

    I wondered where the Dinosaur Diaries went! Did Jack get a spanking?

  7. Tink says:

    You should check his poop for a couple days.. you might find that toe… and God knows what else.

  8. Princess says:

    Precious little scoundrel!!!

  9. Holiday says:

    He’s so cute. He could not have done that. No way.

  10. Tad says:

    That actually looks more like a “Kitty” chew because it is so dainty. If it was Sir Jack, I would think the entire leg would be gone. or worse the face and head. Sir Jack is innocent in this one…

  11. Yabu says:

    Your T-Rex needs some boots, or a parachute. The evidence points to Jack, and the cats were in on it. Those doxies have many looks, don’t they? I’ve never hit Stretch, and never will, and if I ever catch anyone doing so, they’re in for the beating of their life. I will get all up on ‘em, and just might need the services of the Body Disposal Engineer.

  12. Jess says:

    That’s the part of science they always hid from us in school. Dinosaurs, particularly T-Rexes were so fond of candy, they developed diabetes and died young. Paleontologists proved this when they found so many dinosaurs with missing bones. They weren’t lost in a flood, or carried away by scavengers; pieces fell off the dinosaurs as they suffered through the times without Insulin.

  13. You may want to put a Jurassic bandaid on the T-Rex, too.

    Diabetes is a killer….

  14. jon spencer says:

    I think it was the spider that hides in the bookcase.

  15. Jena says:

    Jack chewed thru that rawhide chew? Fuck yea it was that lil shit Diabetes thats looking oh soooo cute in that pic!

  16. Cheryl Lundgren says:

    OMG! **jamieleecurisinahorrorflickscream** The horror of it all! Mutilation, infliction of emotional duress, drool!

  17. The Nickster says:

    “I got up to get a bottle of water in the kitchen” Give me a freakin’ break…you went back to freshen-up your G&T and you clipped the dino on your way back to the sofa to pass out. It takes a thief to catch a thief. Glue the poor bastards toe back on and get to a meeting.

  18. cheri says:

    Hmmm, maybe the toe broke off when it fell and the cats were trying to set up poor sweet Jack!
    Those Bastards! They want all the pet beds for themselves!

  19. Lori Stewart says:

    T-Rexs are particularly succeptible to diabetes because of their tiny toes. I’m a nurse, I know these things. (Did you note the tone of authority I used as I typed?) Either that or Jack’s gonna flunk out of manicure school.

    • Laura says:

      HAHAHA! I really need to send his ass out doing people’s nails in those Asian nail salon places. He can not only earn his damn keep, he can learn another language. Even if it’s just shit like making fun of other women. WHICH I AM CONVINCED THEY DO.

  20. Jan says:

    Jack, Jack, Jack… haven’t you learned YET how to hide the evidence? My dog was a master at it, it would be months sometimes before we discover what she’d done!

  21. Fluffy says:

    Was there doggie drool on the dino? That’s how you’d know for sure.

  22. SB Smith says:

    “Way. He’s Satan with two inch legs.”
    LMAO
    Heh…”Gator Dog” is good, too.
    Don’t forget that (movie) poster you had with Godzilla on it and it read “They threw everything they had at it”…and then something about a “12 lb. Doxie” doing in Godzilla.
    I saved that poster in my pictures of Jack in my laptop. He’s quite the little Ham, isn’t he ?
    :-D

  23. Knoxed10 says:

    I think this is obvious… You have SEVERE poltergeist activity going on. Call the Ghostbusters but do not let them cross the beams. And no I am not a ghost beam emgineer/scientist. I do know enough to suggest at the least to splash holy water pretty much everywhere.

  24. untbunny says:

    I think you are taking the wrong angle. Jack (aka Diabetes, the Silent Killer) took the toe to make an opposable thumb. First, he plans to pen a letter recounting the years of pain and suffering endured thanks to the Kitties. Next, when your back is turned he will use the new thumb to make a grimacing throat slash movement. Finally, he will shove the little thumb up the ass of the first ruthless bastard Kitty that messes with him.

  25. ManhattanMaven says:

    Jack, Jack, Jack…tsk…tsk…

    NOW…about the dino…i’m thinking acrylics…and i’d like photos when you take him into the nail salon…or at the very least one of your most excellent renderings.

    Have you tried dipping your dinos in that foul tasting stuff they put on kids thumbs to stop thumb sucking? LOL!

  26. That little r-tard is always messing with your shit!

  27. Jeffro says:

    “I was on the couch in the den watching bad reality television, the cats were on two separate chairs licking their butts, and Jack was on the floor chewing his rawhide chewy.”

    That is exactly the kind of award winning, gritty, dramatic writing that makes my beverages self launch through my nostrils.

  28. Nicole says:

    What an adorable little disease.

  29. At least he can still stand. It’s a handicap that he’s already overcome.

  30. Malcolm says:

    Just discovered your world today. Nice. This internet thing is far out, man.

    Did T-Rex wear green nail polish? If so, I suggest the toe amputation was the work of nihilists, or perhaps their marmot. But the cats probably unlocked the door.

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