Now comes the worst part of the new year, when you have to sober up to go back to work.
I think I’m officially a diabetic now. We’re talking full-fledged going blind, amputated legs diabetic. I don’t care what the doctors keep telling me. New Year’s Eve I drank a bottle of wine and by nine o’clock I passed the fuck out. So I missed the hoopla at midnight, instead waking at 3 in the morning with some infomercial playing on the television about some spectacular state-of-the-art bra that hides your back fat. It took me twenty minutes to find my credit card and by the time I did, that infomercial was over and one selling a panini grill was playing. I should get it Thursday.
I’ve spent my New Year’s holiday weekend alone. J’s been sick and Richelle’s out of town and the rest of my friends won’t take my calls. I think it has something to do with drunk-dialing them too often, I’m not sure. It doesn’t matter because according to the Mayans, or the Apaches, or who-the-hell-ever, the world ends this year. I wish I knew for certain if this were true. I’d stop worrying about my back fat showing and just eat paninis every day. Which I plan on doing anyway, so really, I’d do nothing different except maybe cook them naked. Again, I don’t know what the fuck I’m saying. I think I’m still drunk or maybe it’s the diabetes talking.76 Comments
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Sober up to go back to work? Seriously? Face that shit sober? Are you kidding me???
OK, I’m ready for the world to end now.
Ha! Sometimes it seems like a better alternative doesn’t it?
I just sobered up enough to log onto my computer. Jesus-Yes I am ready for the world to end – do we really have to wait till the end of 2012?
I know, right?!
naked panini is super hawt
As long as it’s not naked bacon frying.
I usually move the clock forward so I can say I made it to midnight. This year I actually made it, and you didn’t miss shit.
I didn’t figure I did.
LOL! Don’t ya just hate going back to work sober? lol
Or drunk. Ha!
I want a panini!!
Well come on over after Thursday.
PANINI GRILL – hell’s yeah! D won’t let me have one as we’d only ever eat panini’s and he said we can just use the normal grill to make them anyway. But that is SO not the point.
He missed the point on purpose I think. On the other hand, if this means he is gonna cook…
This year is Lotto year… When I win we will all go to Aruba’ for breakfast! I cant wait…. (fantasy’s like this keep me going thru the year) MMmmmmmmm, Mimosas….
I cant leave the house this morning! IT’S FUCKING 18′ OUT THERE ARE YOU CRAZY? WORK? NO! BED? YES!. See you in the spring…
Just wait about a day and a half and it will be 95 again.
I hate this time of year in the office. You wear a sweater to work cuz it’s cold and the lizard people have the heat turned up to 110″ and they find you shriveled up from dehydration at you desk. I hate Lizard people..
I know right? Buy a sweater!
At one time, I’d feel disappointed if I missed Dick Clark when they dropped the ball in Times Square. The last time I watched, I realized I didn’t want to watch that any longer. I’d rather sleep through the event in a drunken stupor.
That was back when it was a bit classier. Now it is nothing like it was. The panini press show was more entertaining based on last year’s New Year’s show.
I bet if I could get my boobs into the panini maker, I wouldn’t need the magic bra.
You need your own reality show! You have the instincts for television sales.
I was at a neighbor’s party and was forced to watch Ryan Seacrest as well as Jenny McCarthy who kissed a cop at midnight.
I would’ve rather passed out. Naked. While cooking bacon.
Or chicken livers. Those sonsabitches can pop for miles in all directions.
Yummmm, back fat and maybe some tasty shoe bread!
Just the thing to sober you up real quick.
It’s a conspiracy to get us ready for work the next morning.
I see you at least took down your Christmas decorations, so you’re way ahead of me!
I had my “people” handle that…and by people, I mean my technical support team, and by technical support team, I mean J.
We have to go back to work? But…but…the world is ending this year. Why do we have to go back to….oh, yeah, it’s not until December….never mind.
I wish I knew if the world was ending. Paninis and limoncello and baby goats all around.
Naked panini making and lots of wine drinking are on my list of resolutions for this year!
Exactly. We know what is good for us, but do we do it? Well, not enough.
And as well they should be.
Diabetes doesn’t make you more sensitive to alcohol. Thank goodness!!! You probably just haven’t slept enough. Drinking while very tires will make you pass the f out!
I never sleep enough! My typhoid keeps me up.
Oh that’s it! I thought it was the quantity. Woohoo! More for me!
*tired (I guess I’m still tired, too!)
You really ARE just the most brilliant way to start the New Year…THANKS for that…LOL! Even on my suckiest days you make me laugh out loud and there’s a lot to be said for that!
I am glad. Sucky days suck.
Thanks a lot. Attention whores need attention and comments like that keep this blog going even when the circus peanuts are running low and the case of gin is down to the last bottle.
One of my impulse buys recently was a George Forman waffle thingy. I haven’t used it yet, though. George is so cool.
Our county had a burn ban for a year and a half and it was finally lifted for New Year’s here, so as soon as the sun set, we heard fireworks all around us…couldn’t see them all, but then we set off our own “artillery rounds” as they’re called. We’re rural and have been waiting and waiting for the burn ban to be lifted. That was fun.
The big question is will anyone’s boss even notice thru their own alcohol haze if any employees are sober ?….Heh heh
I loathe fireworks in the city. The houses are too close for that kind of fuckery.
Agree…that’s why it’s illegal here unless you’re outside city limits like we are.
But yeah, there are still fools out there.
Our neighbors shot off some things that sounded like they had smuggled them out of the mines.
That is why you always buy the boss booze for Christmas.
Is Jack Ok ?
Did I miss something ?
Haven’t seen pics of him lately.
I’m sorry if I’m unaware of anything that’s happened.
He’s fine. I’ll post pics of him this week to reassure people.
Good to know he’s Ok…..Do give him a hug for me. I have to stay on his good side for when he dominates the world.
Ha! He’s still trying.
Even though you are drunk and have diabetes you still managed to blog. You are AWESOME!!
I heard abouth the world ending this year but I have my doubts. They didn’t even predict their own ending so how could they acurately predict the end of the world?!
They say it’s going to happen on Dec 21st. People claim that that’s the first day of winter. I live in MN and I know for a fact that’s NOT the first day of winter. (screw that whole solstice thingy) Sometimes winter shows up in October and sometimes (like 2011) not until January (which is technically 2012 but let’s not get fussy)
Anyway where was I?…Oh yeah, keep blogging no matter what happens.
Also, I want a panini…and where do I find a bra that hides back fat???
Thanks. The world is “ending” just about every year, depending on which nut has the microphone.
Here in SC “winter” shows up for about a week in late January, then we go back to 105 and 100% humidity.
It might not actually exist. I’ll let you know if a panini press shows up. If it does, then we’ll know I wasnt hallucinating.
The bra doesn’t work for me but I am willing to trade it to you for a couple of paninis.
I’ll trade for bullets and booze since this is the year of the ‘pocylypse and I’ll need hard currency.
Sober? I was supposed to come to work sober? Whoops!!
Good luck with that panini thingy. I hear they can be dangerous if you drink too much gin. Not that I think you drink too much. Just saying.
That’s just crazy talk. Everything is better/safer with gin.
You can’t spell “Gin is safety-related” without gin.
You’re like a scientist!
Yeah, Laura. This back to work shit bites yak balls. I say Yak balls because winter finally arrived it was 60 here about four days ago. Now it’s 20-something and there’s snow. I blame work!
And as for the Toltecs or Atlantians being right about the end of the world, look on the bright side–you can drunk order every fucking gizmo on HSN and fuck paying the credit card company.
Serves those sonsabitches right.
My plan has always been to stick it to ‘em when I go!
Hey, tell J there’s a lost goat over here by me and I’d love to drop it off at his house. I’m sure it’s your missing goat!!
YES! Take it to him! I hope someone takes it in because it’s going to be like 17 degrees tonight! Lemme know if I should go get it.
Gurl, aim for losing a foot to diabetes. Then you get good parking.
Ha! But I like painting my toenails!!
Not related to your post at all, but goat video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=utE2W_EoB2M
That is great! I just hope the boy realizes that you can love your goat, just don’t LOVE your goat.
Ugh, I had to work Monday and it suuuucked. But there were lots of cookies around, so I am probably well on my way to diabetesville as well.
No way would I trust food sitting around at my job.
Is there a way to subscribe to your blog by email?
You know, I haven’t a clue. There’s a RSS feed thingy. I will ask my tech support (aka J) and get back with ya.
OH MY GOD. ME TOO. Hubby and I went to dinner and I drank a bottle of wine and then I passed out at 9:00. He watched Walk the Line.
Damn I love my panini grill.
Paninis are fantastic.