Sunday night I got very sick. It felt like my liver and pancreas had both exploded at the same time. At first I thought it was the booze, but then I remembered I hadn’t been drinking! (I know, right?!) I was becoming concerned and thought about driving myself to the hospital, but I knew I’d never make it. I [...]
I’ve been busy politickin’ and by “busy politickin” I mean “drinking lots of gin and tonics and planning my debate strategy.” In case you’re wondering, my friends and I have been running in Shandon every morning, hungover but still hell-bent on vigilante justice. There has been no wiener-whacking perv sighting, but we may or may not have seen a [...]
Since announcing my candidacy for President of the United States on Thursday I have been on the campaign trail and by “been on the campaign trail” I mean ”drunk.” While on the campaign trail I announced that George Clooney will be my VP, and by “VP” I mean “sex slave.” It’s a hard life in the political limelight, knowing [...]
