Sometimes I get sad and wonder why a lot of my friends stopped talking to me. Was it something I did or said? Then I realize it’s only because they couldn’t survive in the shadow of my awesomeness and suddenly I’m not sad anymore. Then I add them to my voodoo list and I feel even better.
It’s my friend Richelle’s birthday today and I wanted to show y’all a few of the things I got her for her special day:
Cock Flavoured Soup and a Singing Justin Bieber Toothbrush. I think I am going to get all my other friends (both male and female) the exact same things for Christmas, along with [...]
A Friday List Of Random Crap
1. I actually said this to one of my friends this week: “You need to sit down and ask yourself why you know so many people with no teeth when you don’t even work for a carnival.”
2. I started a list of my nemeses. It’s not complete, but [...]
I called J yesterday between work and classes. The following is the exact conversation to the best of my recollection:
Me: “Whatcha doing?”
J: “Reading about the price of peanuts going through the roof.”
Me: “Yeah, I heard that was going to happen. It doesn’t bother me, I don’t like peanut butter sandwiches all that much.”
“And I was like baby, baby, baby, oh.”
Richelle: “I think that’s Justin Bieber’s baby that girl had.”
Me: “We’ll never know.”
Richelle: “Yes we will, he’s going to do a paternity test next week.”
Me: “Girl, if it’s his, he’ll give her a few millions to tell everyone it’s not and make her go away and live in a mansion somewhere where she’ll get a [...]
Links to Enjoy
- Andrew Knapp Photos.
- Pot Noodles.
- The Hyena Handlers of Nigeria.
- Rest in fucking pieces, Mr. Darcy.
- Wake Up!
- Hitler's Home Movies.
- Subway Surfer.
- MC Mom.
- Is Your Girlfriend a Horse?
- Now I want to go to Iceland.
- Karaoke Hitler.
- Wake up! They see us!
- How a Gas Nozzle Knows When To Shut Off.
- A Yelp Review left for Walter Palmer's Dental Practice.
- Sleeping Guy Gets Twizzlered.
- Birds in Watercolor.
- When Taunting Goes Wrong.
- Google Sheep View.
- 3 year old girl explain the complexities of childbirth in 4 seconds.
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