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The psych-ops of long-term relationships. | Fetch My Flying Monkeys
Everyone needs a fleet of flying monkeys to rip the stuffing out of the annoying people in their lives
— Laura

J called me the other day and asked what I was cooking for dinner because I’m a damn good cook and he’s always trying to get a meal. I really didn’t want company at the time, let alone cook, and I was very busy cleaning my house (read: lying on the couch watching Teen Mom: Season 2 and eating Cheetos.) I knew I had to think quickly so I said I was making a Potted Meat Casserole. He was all “A WHAT?” So I repeated myself, all serious and shit, and he said “What’s in it?” I said “Potted meat of course” and he was all ”And what else?” Without missing a beat I  immediately replied ”Refried beans, crackers, canned corn, and sour cream amongst other things. It’s pretty good, I mean, if you like potted meat and beans.” He was all ”Uh, no that’s okay.” Then I said I had to go open the potted meat and get to bakin’ and when he hung up I wiped my Cheeto dust coated fingers on the leg of my sweat pants and turned the volume back up on the television. I really should write an instructional book for single women.

69 Comments
 

69 Responses to The psych-ops of long-term relationships.

  1. Yabu says:

    You really should write that book, and include a chapter on “how to get a man to take you out for dinner”.

  2. Erinyes says:

    You’ve been hangin’ out with Papa Chester, haven’t you?

  3. Tad says:

    What the Hell is “Potted Meat”? GaG!

  4. One Crazed Chick says:

    Wow, potted meat casserole. You’re good on the spot!! Poor J, he just wanted a good meal.

  5. Princess says:

    Yes, You should write a book for single women who actually want to STAY single. I’d read it. I’ve been sucked in twice and I have said.. both times… “What the hell did I just do”?

  6. Mr. Bingley says:

    With that ingredient list I would have said “I’ll be right over.”

  7. Mr. Bingley says:

    And of course you know that I will make that this weekend…

  8. Jennifer says:

    LMAO!!! I would buy your book!!

  9. Holiday says:

    You definitely missed the boat child.. you are multi talented in so many area’s and yet, you chose to be an assassin. by the way I really do have a list if you have the time..

  10. Tink says:

    Yeah, what the Hell IS potted meat? did you make that up? and dont tell me you get it at Publix either. Poor “J”. He’s a hungry man.

  11. Mrs. Who says:

    *sniff* Just like Mom used to make.

  12. Hoody Hoo says:

    So… does this mean you still have some Potted Meat Casserole left over?

  13. Jess says:

    My curiosity forced me to look up potted meat. Originally, it was a method of preserving meat by pouring the fat around the meat and pressing it into jars…Yum!

    Today, it’s chicken faces, pork anuses, beef hearts, turtle feet, gazelle intestines and salt…..yeah, I made that part up, although I have tasted the faint taste of turtle feet in my sandwiches.

    There are recipes, although the best is probably just eating it on crackers when hurricanes cut the power.

  14. Curtal Friar says:

    Hmmm….Potted meat….useful for and in:

    Meatballs – easy to shape and holds form fairly well.

    Potted meatloaf

    Faux Pate

    Throw in some minced peppers, onions, and garlic, and tell everyone you made ‘bean dip’

    Potted meat and lentil soup

    Potted meat mayo spread

    Throw in just enough shredded cheddar to affect the color and texture, add chopped pecans, and tell everyone you made ‘cheeseballs’

    Oh, and by the way, I know what potted meat is made of and contains, and the shock value when you tell someone the ingredients as they’re taking a bite is priceless.

  15. I think you need to write a cookbook. A potted meat cookbook. I’m pretty sure yours would be the only potted meat cookbook out there, so you’d have a monopoly on the potted meat cookbook market, and you would probably become a billionaire. Probably.

  16. Fluffy says:

    I would seriously eat that casserole. Also, the next time I want to call someone a name, I’m going to call them an asserole! :)

  17. I’ll be hanging out with Hoody Hoo eating some leftover Potted Meat Casserole.

    When you write that cookbook for single women, make sure to leave 2 pages for the chapter on what single men make for dinner.

  18. Roket Man says:

    Potted meat, refried beans, crackers, canned corn, and sour cream amongst other things…..sounds like something you’d find in the last pouch of MREs after the rest of the troops had picked out the semi-edible Meals Rejected by Ethiopians.

  19. Curtal Friar says:

    Reading your post today gave me an idea for a new post at my place. Thanks for the inspiration!

  20. Larry says:

    I read this entry to my sister who is also a single woman. She got a faraway look on her face and said “potted meat casserole…”
    I shudder to think what she will come up with. All I know is that hot dogs and hot dog buns can both be bought in packages of eight, so I won’t have to eat at her house.

  21. Terri the Terror says:

    All I have to say is yummmmmmm, Cheetos! No comment about the potted meat because I know nothing of Southern culture. I’m sure it’s delicious in it’s own special way.

  22. Janie Jones says:

    Gordon Ramsey, save me!!! If Leif sees this post it will be off to the market for potted meat casserole fixins. Be careful where you aim your deception and misdirection.

  23. Had you told me that, I’d have still come over just to eat sour cream. That stuff is white gold.

  24. SB Smith says:

    Excellent !

    LOL

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