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“We’re not going to just shoot the sons-of-bitches, we’re going to rip out their living goddamned guts and use them to grease the treads of our tanks.” ~General George S. Patton | Fetch My Flying Monkeys
Everyone needs a fleet of flying monkeys to rip the stuffing out of the annoying people in their lives
— Laura

It didn’t take me long to figure out who was disrespecting my authority in the mailroom by leaving  packages thrown around scribbled with pro-anarchy, war-inciting, and probably federally prosecutable graffiti.

I knew I just had to bide my time. I knew one day a package would come addressed to them and when that day came I would extract my revenge.

That day came yesterday.

Your move, motherfucker.

74 Comments
 

74 Responses to “We’re not going to just shoot the sons-of-bitches, we’re going to rip out their living goddamned guts and use them to grease the treads of our tanks.” ~General George S. Patton

  1. Heather says:

    LOL! That note is fantastic, but that sticker is EPIC!

  2. Jennifer says:

    I love the dagger sticking out of the box! LMFAO!!

  3. Joe the Blog Stalker says:

    Gotta love a woman who can quote Patton.

  4. Tink says:

    OMG what if there was a baby hippo in there… OMG….where the hell did you get that dagger….they let you guy have that kind of weaponry in you OFFICE….You are so frickin cool!

  5. Princess says:

    I would love to see the weapons rack in your Hummer….I’ll bet it would put anyone in Awe!!

  6. One Crazed Chick says:

    Will that letter opener soon break apart as it is tossed at one of the bitches?

  7. Curtal Friar says:

    Hmmm….there’s also unconventional clandestine warfare to be used. Such as finding out the enemy’s perfume of choice (assuming the enemy is a woman), buying a bottle of that perfume, but dumping out the contents and filling it back up with (use your imagination), then mailing it to the enemy from ‘secret office admirer’.

    You’ll have struck a blow and the enemy won’t know what hit ‘er, or where the blow came from.

  8. Yabu says:

    Both you and Patton know how to go postal. That’s a good trait.

  9. An escalation of hostilities!

    How positively festive! It’s nice to know your co-workers are just.like.family.

  10. Whoever that is was just plain stupid. Everyone knows the person in charge of mail holds everyone else by the short hairs.

    I wish I could have seen their face when they picked the package up :D

  11. Jena says:

    I think a few more stab wounds to the box would be nice! You know ventilation for the dead stuff inside. Like their heart.

  12. Hoody Hoo says:

    So sad… packages are always the first casualties in any insurgency. WON’T THEY THINK OF THE INNOCENT PACKAGES????

  13. Bumble Bee says:

    I too feel sorry for the poor packages. after all it is Christmas time and so many packages will be violated….hhehhehehhe is there any way there could be a short film of reactions? I’m sure you could probably enter it in the film festival……

  14. QueenBee says:

    If you prick us do we not bleed? If you tickle us do we not laugh? If you poison us do we not die? And if you wrong us shall we not revenge?
    William Shakespeare

  15. I loved you and your hi-jinks BEFORE I saw the knife in the box…
    Then I SAW the knife, and now I want to marry you.

  16. With a RebelYall they’ll cry no more, no more, no more.

  17. The furry sticker/toad sticker combo is impressive. If they are silly enough to mount another attack, there’s always the Christmas Spider sticker/venom combo to really set an example for others.
    Nothing like some green rigor in a cubicle to brighten everyone’s holiday.

  18. Liz says:

    You are my hero.

    I think I want to marry you too. Problem is, I’m already married and I’m a girl (not that there’s anything wrong with that).

  19. Fluffy says:

    What we have here… is a failure to communi-freight! :)

  20. Jess says:

    I had something to write, but it slipped away through the cracks. Some days are like that,

  21. This made my heart grow three sizes. Is that bad?

  22. CGHill says:

    Yeah, that was smart of ‘em: attack the one person who sees that they actually get their crap.

    I have a feeling they’ll need a few more Subtle Reminders before things calm down.

  23. Glen says:

    Postal is as Postal does.
    Shoot ‘em all then call the fuzz.
    Stamps are for the use of others.
    Bombs and knifes for all my brothers!

  24. Jinglebob says:

    That’s it? That’s the best you can do? Man, and I expected such great things from you!

    ;-)

  25. cricket says:

    But, it’s got a cute little bear sticker on it. How can anyone not recognize the authority of the Mail Room Sheriff when there is a cute little bear sticker on it. It’s so cwute!

    Get ‘em, they are obviously heartless if they haven’t acknowledged your superiority.

  26. Nicole says:

    You are so my hero.

  27. Wow this is getting really intense. Godspeed my friend.

  28. Erinyes says:

    One exacts revenge. One does not extract it…

    Sincerely,

    The Jobsite Grammar Nazi.

    • Laura says:

      Thank you. Can I hire you as my editor? I can only pay you in knife stabs though.

      Now I refuse to correct it because then the Nazis win and I’m a typo-makin’, misspellin’, grammatical error’n, red-blooded bloggin’ Amurican.

  29. Erinyes says:

    By the way, I saw this and thought it might give you some ideas in waging your workplace campaign:

    http://www.27bslash6.com/f26a.html

  30. Janie Jones says:

    Love it!! But the bear sticker is what makes it priceless.

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