Everyone needs a fleet of flying monkeys to rip the stuffing out of the annoying people in their lives

— Laura

“Voodoo unto others before they voodoo unto you.”

By Laura On October 30, 2011 · 43 Comments

Nicole at Autumn People went to New Orleans and she sent me a box filled with voodoo!

How awesome is that? This couldn’t have come at a better time. I’ve been wanting to lay some major voodoo on some motherfuckers lately. Let’s just hope it doesn’t ricochet this time.

Thanks, Nicole! Unless, of course, it ricochets, then you’ll need to pay my medical bills because I’m pretty certain voodoo is excluded under my health plan.

43 Comments

43 Responses to “Voodoo unto others before they voodoo unto you.”

LC Aggie Sith says:

October 30, 2011 at 11:19 am

You can slip voo doo in your healthcare plan under “Random Acts of….God?”, spelled just like that. They won’t question it, even when they notice the copious amounts of chicken feet and pins laying about. You can trust me on it.

Reply
- LC Aggie Sith says:
  
  October 30, 2011 at 11:21 am
  
  Oh, and my Little One has that little voo doo doll, too.
  
  She lurves it…
  
  Reply
  - Laura says:
    
    October 30, 2011 at 12:09 pm
    
    Oh, that lil doll has a lot of work to do…
    
    Reply
- Laura says:
  
  October 30, 2011 at 12:08 pm
  
  They will say it’s under “Random Acts of Satan” and it will be in fine print that it’s exclude. I know those sonsabitches.
  
  Reply
MorningGlory says:

October 30, 2011 at 11:40 am

I’m so glad you like me. You DO like me, right? Right? Laura?

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- Laura says:
  
  October 30, 2011 at 12:09 pm
  
  Why yes I do…..for now anyway. HAHA!
  
  Reply
laughingmom says:

October 30, 2011 at 11:59 am

I really think that you could sell shirts with this blog post title on them. You’s better copy-write that slogan quickly!

Reply
- Laura says:
  
  October 30, 2011 at 12:11 pm
  
  That’s on the coffee mug! My lawyers stay busy with my ~~stalking~~ love of celebs, I can’t afford to pull ‘em off those cases.
  
  Reply
  - laughingmom says:
    
    October 30, 2011 at 1:58 pm
    
    I have old people eyes and they can’t read the fine print. Lawyers love that!
    
    Reply
    - Laura says:
      
      October 30, 2011 at 4:10 pm
      
      Sadly, that never matters to insurance companies.
      
      Reply
SOYLENT GREEN says:

October 30, 2011 at 12:08 pm

Alright! Got your mojo workin.’

Read the instructions and you should avoid any boomerang problems…unless, of course they’re written in French.
Their shit always goes backwards.

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- SOYLENT GREEN says:
  
  October 30, 2011 at 12:09 pm
  
  *Their* shit too. I need more coffee.
  
  Reply
  - Laura says:
    
    October 30, 2011 at 12:14 pm
    
    I fixed it. But do get more coffee. Just make sure it isn’t FRENCH roast. Those sonsabitches.
    
    Reply
- Laura says:
  
  October 30, 2011 at 12:13 pm
  
  Those French sonsabitches.
  
  Reply
Roxanne says:

October 30, 2011 at 12:28 pm

What is your voodooductible?

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- Laura says:
  
  October 30, 2011 at 1:21 pm
  
  Gazillion jujubucks.
  
  Reply
Mrs. Who says:

October 30, 2011 at 2:20 pm

You could deduct your gris-gris bag as a medical appliance…

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- Laura says:
  
  October 30, 2011 at 4:09 pm
  
  Ha! And all those chickens!!
  
  Reply
Jeffro says:

October 30, 2011 at 2:59 pm

Voodoo. It does a body good.

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- Laura says:
  
  October 30, 2011 at 4:09 pm
  
  Yes. Stabbing a bitch wopuld do it better, except for the prison part.
  
  Reply
  - Carrie - Cannibalistic Nerd says:
    
    October 30, 2011 at 10:36 pm
    
    Well, you could just make another doll to go to prison for you. That’s how it works, right?
    
    Reply
    - Laura says:
      
      October 31, 2011 at 3:54 am
      
      Sadly no or I’d be doing more than voodooing a Bunch O’Bitches.
      
      Reply
Yabu says:

October 30, 2011 at 3:56 pm

You also need some beads to wear around your neck. They will make you invisible. You’ll get a string when you take over your duties in the new town.

Reply
- Laura says:
  
  October 30, 2011 at 4:05 pm
  
  I better be getting a flak jacket.
  
  Reply
  - Yabu says:
    
    October 30, 2011 at 6:29 pm
    
    Done. Pick the invisible one, or whatever color you want, and as many of em’ as you might need. You can have a different color for each day of the week, or month, for that matter.
    
    Protection is of the utmost importance in this town, and to protect our patrons, we need to be on top of it. No pun intended. Just keeping the riff-raff in line, so to say.
    
    Hell, you get a Coach Gun in any color you want…on the house.
    
    You are also in charge of the grape bushes, and the pickers.
    
    We’re gonna make some Juju Wine.
    
    Reply
    - Laura says:
      
      October 30, 2011 at 7:07 pm
      
      I personally plan on staying drunk on gin and smacking the whores around like a good pimp would.
      
      Reply
Les Johnson says:

October 30, 2011 at 4:05 pm

Good news! kinda. George’s ex-gf thinks of George as a father figure…

http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/45095308/ns/today-entertainment/

ewwww….

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- Laura says:
  
  October 30, 2011 at 4:08 pm
  
  Ooooo you know that’ll piss him off.
  
  Reply
aithne says:

October 30, 2011 at 4:46 pm

Oh I can’t begin to tell you how jealous I am! (I mean that in a very nice way. You know,so no voodoo comes my way of course!)

Please let us know when you commence upon the voodooism. Take pictures if you can. I love me some voodoo ceromonial pictures!

I do wonder what you mean by “this time”. Please share with us!

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- Laura says:
  
  October 30, 2011 at 5:07 pm
  
  Ohh I should take pics and document the results on voodee.
  
  Reply
  - Jena says:
    
    October 31, 2011 at 9:50 am
    
    Yes! document it all so you know if it truly worked and if your medical mishaps are directly related to the rebound effect!
    
    Reply
Tink says:

October 30, 2011 at 6:40 pm

I suggest you look into your email to find the heading of “LUNCH” (there is a picture) I am in the middle of preparing one of YOUR receipts. Italian Style Baked Crispy Chicken Breast, with Garlic,(which may make the Voodoo back-fire) Panko and Parmesan.. so please do not Voodoo me until I am done preparing lunch for tomorrow. because I too have really shitty insurance and I want nothing to do with anything that has to do with a very hot oven…. just sayin… Thank You!

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- Laura says:
  
  October 30, 2011 at 7:06 pm
  
  YUMM! I’d never voodoo you by the way.
  
  Reply
  - Tink says:
    
    October 30, 2011 at 7:36 pm
    
    I wasn’t “really” worried….I dont think….
    
    Reply
Princess says:

October 30, 2011 at 6:43 pm

George’s ex-gf thinks of George as a father figure??? WTF is that all about.. That is totally disgusting. I am so glad he is fucking rid of that total sick skank! God!!!!!! Do some Voodoo on her.. Jeezzzzzz. what a F/U sick Bitch…….really!!!

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- Laura says:
  
  October 30, 2011 at 7:06 pm
  
  Sounds like she’s going against her gag order I am sure all his GFs have to sign.
  
  Reply
Princess says:

October 30, 2011 at 6:56 pm

ONCE UPON A TIME IS ON IN 5 MINUTES………

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- Laura says:
  
  October 30, 2011 at 7:05 pm
  
  Okay!
  
  Reply
QueenBee says:

October 30, 2011 at 8:43 pm

Oh wow! Reading this after this amount of wine is quite hi-sterical!

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Chip "Roket Man" Allen says:

October 30, 2011 at 9:57 pm

Voodoo is over rated. I must of burned forty eleven George Bush dolls during the course of his dictatorship and the bastard never did burst into flames! Totally gave up on the Cheney doll after that one backfired and his hunting buddy got shot in the face instead.

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- Laura says:
  
  October 31, 2011 at 3:53 am
  
  Voodoo ricochet sucks!
  
  Reply
Hoody Hoo says:

October 31, 2011 at 7:00 am

my health insurance covers voodoo — but only as a TREATMENT. Actual medicine? Not so much.

Reply
- Laura says:
  
  October 31, 2011 at 7:11 am
  
  Mine covers “prayers” not medical treatment, ’cause, you know, being in the Bible Belt and all.
  
  Reply