Wherein I whine about my cold instead of Steve Jobs’ death. Rest in peace, you wonderful sonsabitch. I’ll run my iPhone at half mast today in your honor. That’s at two and a half signal bars, which is actually one and a half more signal bars than I’m used to.
I’m getting a cold or malaria or TB or something and it’s pissing me off because the South Carolina State Fair starts next week and I want to eat my weight in fair food and if I’m all sick and snotty I won’t be able to and that sucks. I didn’t have any “cold medicine” in the house but I did find a few Benadryl tablets shoved behind the hydrogen peroxide bottle. They had an expiration date of May 2001 stamped on them but I took them anyway. I hope there are no adverse effects, but I think I have built-up my immunity to expired drugs over the years, so I should be ok. I seriously need to restock my medicine cabinet. I don’t even know what hydrogen peroxide is used for and I think I spotted a bottle of bloodletting leeches on the top shelf. That’s how old the shit is in there. It’s shocking that I haven’t been found unconscious on my bathroom floor by now, clutching an empty bottle of Pamprin circa. 1975. I mean, without gin in my system.83 Comments
83 Responses to Wherein I whine about my cold instead of Steve Jobs’ death. Rest in peace, you wonderful sonsabitch. I’ll run my iPhone at half mast today in your honor. That’s at two and a half signal bars, which is actually one and a half more signal bars than I’m used to.
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I have some penicillin from the 70s too. I mean, it’s made from mold, how can it go “bad”?
It can’t really. That’s pill science.
I wondered how you were handling the news of Steve’s death.
I will miss him. Seriously.
We got our first Mac in 1988. Still have, still use it occasionally. Jobs changed computers from complicated gizmos into appliances, a tectonic change.
I love Apple products. I will seriously miss the man.
I have a bunch of Apple products. I’m with ‘ya.
Excellent, excellent products.
I have a Mac SE we bought in 1988. It still works.
I have an original 10gb iPod. Still works.
The quality of their stuff is superior. I hope it stays that way. I was going to get the newest iPhone version, but I don’t know now… I may wait for the 5.
I hope you don’t get sick. Fair food is awesome and it would be a bitch if you couldn’t enjoy any.
I know! I love that greasy shit!
LOL! I hope you’re feeling better! Stay away from 70′s Pamprin! LOL!
But not gin.
What would you use to wash down the Pamprin?
Like every good housewife in the ’70′s, she will use a martini to swallow the pill.
Since you’re a driver of almost iEverything, that is a noble deed. He was an innovator, fo sho. I loves my iThings. I use hydrogen peroxide to clean the blades on my knives and swords. Works every time.
Ahhh so that’s why it’s there.
Like I said on a comment on the previous entry, Steve and I had a love/hate relationship. I was on the phone with J last night when I first heard the news and I was genuinely saddened.
Only the good die young!
Around here, right now, the RAGWEED is in full bloom. I always have NyQuil, Benadryl and Theraflu in the house and I take one every night just so I can breath for more than 4 hours at a time cuz once I lay down my head fills with snott. So maybe your just full of RAGWEED and not getting rabies or anything serious….
I hope I’m not full of ragweed, though it would prove all those people wrong who claim it’s shit I’m full of.
Feel better, woman. There are dead hookers to stuff in your trunk.
You mean, drag out and bury. I have a small trunk.
Girl, take the generic allergy pills, Allegra or Zyrtec. And a generic muscinex. NOT benadryl! Hope you get to eat your weight in fair food!
Fuck all those drugs. I just want my polish sausage dawg and vinegar fries!
You and I would do well together at a fair!
ohhhhhhhhhhhh, polish sausage dog! sounds like a lunch run!!
Let’s do it.
I have a friend that chugged an entire bottle of Tobasco sauce in an attempt to relieve his cold symptoms. Six hours later,,,,yep, he still had the symptoms and the worry of hash marks in his boxers. So, Tobasco doesn’t work.
I’ve heard you can soak peanut in gin and it’s good for a cold….or is it you can soak raisens in gin and it’s good for arthritis? It doesn’t matter, the secret is alcohol. That’s what cures anything except alcoholism.
And liver failure.
Ha! Who the hell would actually drink a bottle of tobasco? That’s insane. I bet his butt hole hurt for weeks, maybe months. Why am I talking about a stranger’s rectum? How bout them Dodgers? Okay, I don’t even know anything about a Dodger. Are there still the Dodgers? Nevermind.
He suffered and, since that was way back when we didn’t have anything but charcoal and papyrus to record the event, there was no cell phone video to put on Youtube.
Best cold remedy I ever used was: One Vicodon; a shot of Nyquil; a shot of bourbon and approximately 96 hours of sleep. I was completely cured when I woke in the hospital
HAHA! The beeping of the machines wake you up or the hum of the ventilator?
I think it was the staff psychiatrist asking me to sign a “Consent for Evaluation” form.
HA! And the snaps of jacket’s buckles?
Maybe medicine is like wine, and gets better as it ages. Hope you feel better soon!
That’s what I’m hopin’. Thanks!
Steve Jobs invented apples??? I thought that was Eve or Johnny Appleseed or Paula Dean!
On the medical side, the voices in my head just told me that mixing gin and Pamprin may cause a person to write blogs about whining, flying monkeys and/or George Clooney while craving mass quantities of fair food but they often exagerate, especially the one that sounds like Donald Duck.
HA! That explains the voices!!
Paula Deen invented butter, by the way.
Mmmmmmm, buuuuuuutttterrrrrr. And bacon! There is a fair in Texas where they deep-fry sticks of butter. But I digress… Deep-fried anything helps cure all kinds of nasal rabies, or so I’m told.
I think you’re right.
Deep fried butter wrapped in bacon…MMMMMMMMM! I figure I’m good for about 3 or 4 helpings and a side of deep fried Oreos since my doc just told me my good cholesterol was too good!
That made me take a second look at the medical credentials on his office wall…. with my glasses on… but he’s the doc and I’m the crash test dummy for the pharmaceuticals.
Anyway,I figure anyone who earned a medical degree from the Mountain Empire Institute for the Not Quite Right, School of Astrophysics, Neurosurgery, Cosmetology, Exotic Dance, Barber College, Tattoo Parlor & Bait Shop in beautiful no left turn, West Virginia oughta know what he’s talkin’ about…….right?
Please tell me that’s right….please!!!
Sorry about the long reply….the voices were at it again.
I hope you got a tattoo.
when I worked at the health food joint, they told us vitamins and shit were still “good” for like 2 years after their expiration date… 10 years, not so much. Tie a note with some money in it to one of Jack’s little outfits and send his ass to Rite-Aid!
That lil fucker would highjack my money and go for the chicken wing joint next door. I know Jack.
Feel better, girl. There be food to eat!
Mmm mmmm fried fair food.
Drugs from the ’70s? Hell, they don’t even make the drugs I took in the ’70s anymore. No quaaludes, no seconal.
But I’m pretty sure you can still get Eye of Newt and Toe of Frog. That stuff never expires.
I’m not goonna chew on a frog leg unless it’s fried and has taters on the side.
I read about people eating deep fried butter on a stick at State Fairs. I haven’t ever done that, so please take your expired pills and get better and see if that’s available at your fair.
It is! Or, it was last year. Also fried coke (sadly the drink- not the powder), fried candy bars, and chocolate covered bacon! A gastro-extravaganza!
TX has deep fried beer… oh yea!
Oh noes. I’m in the part of teh Bible Belt that’s pretty much anti- punlic boozing.
Hmmm…tell me you don’t have a jar of sterilized tapeworms in the back of your cabinet.
Nah. They’re in a mason jar on the mantle.
I have a cold too, and it has hung around for over a week. I want to stab it with a pen…or at least give it to my husband so he quits telling me to stop coughing at 2am. I took some expired cold medicine and so far I haven’t died, or grown a thrid eye…yet.
Ha! You should lick his pancakes in the mornings. I was going to say “sausage” but then I was all “Oh, I better not.”
Fair food cures everything, even rabies.
This is why fair food needs to be eaten year-round.
I got nothing smart assed to say. Job’s death is a major bummer. If he’s like any other visionary he still had ideas brewing. Would have been cool to see what else he could come up with in another twenty years.
I don’t even drink milk expired one day past the due date. All it took was once for me to learn that lesson. Heaving in a kitchen sink is not good.
I’m thinking there went the chance for me to get a real iKiller Robot in my lifetime.
OH, for Pete’s sake. see how bummed I am? I totally posted that last part under the wrong post.
thanks for moving it. If you did move it. If not, then wow, I need to get more sleep and pull my shit together.
Sometimes when I comment it looks like I seizured or something in ‘em. Don’t worry ’bout it.
Be careful with those expired medicines. I’m betting that they will be the key to time travel.
Drink more gin. Alcohol fixes things. Natural cleanser.
You’re a cold scientist.
Bummer about Jobs. When he retired in August, I though “uh oh, workaholic like him? very not good.” I think my ipad wept.
Yeah, I knew it’d be soon too. Stll a bummer.
Go ahead and eat all that fair food. It’ll burn that shit cold right outta ya. Sear it deader than hell.
I like your food logic.
Steve Jobs will be missed.
Something tells me that you would never be found without gin in your system somewhere.
Last year, I happened upon a ten-year-old bottle of painkillers, and, well, over the next few months I saw that they were disposed of in a nonwasteful manner.
Indistinguishable from the fresh stuff, I’d say.
Ha! We’ve been lied to just so we’d buy more! Sonsabitches!
I used an expired tube of deep-heat cream once on my legs. I swear to god, I very nearly fried them from the inside out.
Expired drugs – pff.
Expired deep-heat cream: Throw it in the goddamn bin.
HAHA! Instead of throwing it in the bin, you could use it as a weapon. See? I’m always thinking about defense. This is why I’m pretty certain I’ll survive the zombie apocalypse. I hope so anyway.
I don’t think expired drugs are dangerous, per se, they’re just less effective. SO basically you just have to double the dose for every year over the expirey date. Try that.
You must be a doctor.
Your Benadryl expiration date is the same as the one on the mayonnaise jar in the back of my frig. I actually cleaned my fridge not long ago and found that most of the stuff in it was from the late 90′s.
RIP Steve Jobs!
There is shit in my fridge that I sear to God actually are breathing.