Everyone needs a fleet of flying monkeys to rip the stuffing out of the annoying people in their lives
For the price of a really, really nice cup of coffee per day, and perhaps a fancy French pastry, and about thirty to forty more dollars, you can help rid the world of a horrible disease. Or get me upgraded to First Class on my trip to California. It’s Friday and pieces of a satellite are falling to Earth and I’m keeping my fingers crossed that they land on a few people I know. And if this voodoo ricochets this will be my last entry and I’ll be in Hell listening to Justin Bieber songs over and over while being forced to watch the WHORE on Dancing With The Stars while wearing a satellite antenna for a hat.
I think I’ll frame and hang this restraining order over the mantel, next to the others.
By Laura On September 22, 2011 · 51 Comments
Look who’s madly in love with me:
That’s right Alexander Skarsgärd, also known as Eric Northman from True Blood, previously known as one of my imaginary boyfriends, futurely known as my real-time boyfriend lovah. It’s just a matter of time now; time and patience. And roofies. Lots of roofies. Oh, and duct tape. And several feet of rope. Let’s check my funds:
P.S. J called and said “With your fundraising skills I don’t have to worry about losing you do I?” And then he laughed. A Nazi laugh. Sonsabitch.51 Comments
51 Responses to I think I’ll frame and hang this restraining order over the mantel, next to the others.
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Dang, girl! And my friend requests to Bruce Springsteen and Kid Rock went ignored. First Clooney for you, now this? What you got that I ain’t got?
Col. Morgan may not have worked out for you, but there’s this widow woman in Nigeria that is looking for a good cause to donate her millions to since she and her husband never had kids of their own…your boat just might be coming in! I could put in a good word for you.
I’m still waiting for my Nigerian prince to transfer funds into my account!
He is so hot as Eric!!
Guuuurl, who you tellin’?!
Don’t forget the handcuffs!
I thought the money you collect goes towards thumb rabies research? This smells a lot like embezzling.
Surely you are not that naive. There are expenses in every organizational effort. Yeah, expenses, that’s it. That’s charity science.
It smells like gin, a very important part of rabies research.
Gin is the main component in rabies research.
Did u point him to “Monkeys”? will we be hearing from him here? or maybe he will send u some hawt nekid pics of himself and u can post those…. hmmmm, this could get very interesting…. Good for you ! Maybe good for us…
HA! More than likely I’ll be hearing from his lawyer. I sent numerous private messages to him on FB. Mostly saying I admire his work, particularly his nude work and stuff like that.
WONDERFUL! I have bail $$…
YAY!! I may need it.
I’m sure vampires are immune to thumb and eye rabies. Perhaps if you could get a transfusion from him of some sort…
That’s what I’m thinking except by ‘tranfusion” I mean kissing with lots of tongue.
you BITCH, you better be sharing that husband! We can be Mormons or whatever… as long as I gets me summa DAT! I’m drawing up the schedule now…
MY SISTER WIFE!!
Create a position for him in the new town, and conscript or hire him. He will report directly to you. I believe he probably has a way with the ladies.
He can be UNDER me. HAHAHAHA!
The UNDER SECRETARY to the HEAD PIMP? Your call.
Sounds good to me.
Yuh know….. I really really think I like J!
You do know it’s no longer Summer…just saying.
It is here!
Ok. One, I’m totally jealous that you have a hot viking vampire boyfriend. Two, pace yourself. Too much stalking too quickly could cause muscle strain – always stretch before you head out. and three, photos. We need lots of photos.
HAHAHA! Oh there’d be photos…
LOL!!!!! Awesome and LOLOLOLOL!!!!
Eric is HOT. So jealous. Jimmy Fallon follows me on twitter! Maybe we can combine our fundraising efforts?
Yes, we should!
We could. IF YOU EVER USED TWITTER!
I am a complete Twitter failure.
No shit?? THE ERIC??? Whoa…just, whoa….
I sent a rather funny message to Nick Searcy, telling him of my lust and adoration since he was in Fried Green Tomatoes….
AND HE TOTALLY FRIENDED ME!!!!
Gonna hafta stalk Eric now…
Cyberstalking is fun..wait…the judge may be reading this, I mean, I admire these people from afar.
I’m thinking that since you’ll be busy with your new lover we maybe seeing less of you here. That’s not acceptable.
So, don’t have hot sex all day and night and get your ass on here to blog about the hot sex you ARE having.
HAHAHAHAH! Yeah, ’cause I’m such a sexy writer. HA!
I can’t think of a single thing that would keep me from that sexy vampire of a man! I am even considering seeing Straw Dogs (I HATE scary movies) just to be in the same room with him!
I think that using your charitable contributions to help you “get to know him” is completely acceptable!
HA! I do too!! And I LOVE horror flicks!!
If you had a UPS address we could send you stuff, just sayin’
OH MY GOD I have a PO Box because lil shits steal mail here. Do you think I can get stuff, I mean, besides boxes of dog poo and dead birds?
Oh, absolutely! OK, maybe not anything super awesome like Gin-of-the-month-club…
No Pictures.. we want movies… yeah.. MOVIES…..
Laura, since “The Advice Asylum” seems to be on hiatus and there is simply nowhere else to go for this type of thing, I was hoping that maybe you could help me with this: If I friend myself on Facebook, is that a form of social masturbation? Sorry to bug you but this kinda stuff really makes my head spin (LOL!) Thanks in advance for all your help! –HG
Only if you fruend yourself and do that “poking” thing, then it is and you’ll grow hair on the palms of your hands AND you’ll go blind. I mean, if you had eyes.
I love Eric Northman!!