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I think I’ll frame and hang this restraining order over the mantel, next to the others. | Fetch My Flying Monkeys
Everyone needs a fleet of flying monkeys to rip the stuffing out of the annoying people in their lives
— Laura

Look who’s madly in love with me:

That’s right Alexander Skarsgärd, also known as Eric Northman from True Blood, previously known as one of my imaginary boyfriends, futurely known as my real-time boyfriend lovah. It’s just a matter of time now; time and patience. And roofies. Lots of roofies. Oh, and duct tape. And several feet of rope. Let’s check my funds:

$0.00? Shit.

P.S. J called and said “With your fundraising skills I don’t have to worry about losing you do I?” And then he laughed. A Nazi laugh. Sonsabitch.

51 Comments
 

51 Responses to I think I’ll frame and hang this restraining order over the mantel, next to the others.

  1. Dang, girl! And my friend requests to Bruce Springsteen and Kid Rock went ignored. First Clooney for you, now this? What you got that I ain’t got?

  2. Larry says:

    Col. Morgan may not have worked out for you, but there’s this widow woman in Nigeria that is looking for a good cause to donate her millions to since she and her husband never had kids of their own…your boat just might be coming in! I could put in a good word for you.

  3. Jennifer says:

    He is so hot as Eric!!

  4. Heather says:

    Don’t forget the handcuffs!

  5. Joe the Blog Stalker says:

    I thought the money you collect goes towards thumb rabies research? This smells a lot like embezzling.

  6. Princess says:

    Did u point him to “Monkeys”? will we be hearing from him here? or maybe he will send u some hawt nekid pics of himself and u can post those…. hmmmm, this could get very interesting…. Good for you ! Maybe good for us…

  7. Mr. Bingley says:

    I’m sure vampires are immune to thumb and eye rabies. Perhaps if you could get a transfusion from him of some sort…

  8. patti says:

    bwahahahahaha

  9. Hoody Hoo says:

    you BITCH, you better be sharing that husband! We can be Mormons or whatever… as long as I gets me summa DAT! I’m drawing up the schedule now…

  10. Yabu says:

    Create a position for him in the new town, and conscript or hire him. He will report directly to you. I believe he probably has a way with the ladies.

  11. rdennis says:

    Yuh know….. I really really think I like J! ;-)

  12. You do know it’s no longer Summer…just saying.

  13. Missy says:

    Ok. One, I’m totally jealous that you have a hot viking vampire boyfriend. Two, pace yourself. Too much stalking too quickly could cause muscle strain – always stretch before you head out. and three, photos. We need lots of photos.

  14. Jena says:

    LOL!!!!! Awesome and LOLOLOLOL!!!!

  15. Eric is HOT. So jealous. Jimmy Fallon follows me on twitter! Maybe we can combine our fundraising efforts?

  16. No shit?? THE ERIC??? Whoa…just, whoa….

    I sent a rather funny message to Nick Searcy, telling him of my lust and adoration since he was in Fried Green Tomatoes….

    AND HE TOTALLY FRIENDED ME!!!!

    Gonna hafta stalk Eric now…

  17. Liz says:

    I’m thinking that since you’ll be busy with your new lover we maybe seeing less of you here. That’s not acceptable.

    So, don’t have hot sex all day and night and get your ass on here to blog about the hot sex you ARE having.

    Or not.

  18. QueenBee says:

    I can’t think of a single thing that would keep me from that sexy vampire of a man! I am even considering seeing Straw Dogs (I HATE scary movies) just to be in the same room with him!
    I think that using your charitable contributions to help you “get to know him” is completely acceptable!

  19. Otter says:

    If you had a UPS address we could send you stuff, just sayin’

  20. Tink says:

    No Pictures.. we want movies… yeah.. MOVIES…..

  21. Laura, since “The Advice Asylum” seems to be on hiatus and there is simply nowhere else to go for this type of thing, I was hoping that maybe you could help me with this: If I friend myself on Facebook, is that a form of social masturbation? Sorry to bug you but this kinda stuff really makes my head spin (LOL!) Thanks in advance for all your help! –HG

    • Laura says:

      Only if you fruend yourself and do that “poking” thing, then it is and you’ll grow hair on the palms of your hands AND you’ll go blind. I mean, if you had eyes.

  22. Trina says:

    I love Eric Northman!!

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