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For the price of a really, really nice cup of coffee per day, and perhaps a fancy French pastry, and about thirty to forty more dollars, you can help rid the world of a horrible disease. Or get me upgraded to First Class on my trip to California. | Fetch My Flying Monkeys
Everyone needs a fleet of flying monkeys to rip the stuffing out of the annoying people in their lives
— Laura

Sarah G, a long time reader, emailed me a link the other day about September 28th being World Rabies Day because she knows I suffer from thumb rabies. This got me to thinking about how little is known about thumb rabies and how it’s like the redheaded stepchild of the foaming at the mouth, barking rabies. I decided I needed to be more active in the treatment and cure of my own disease, so instead of thinking globally and acting locally I’ll just think personally and act selfishly and start a campaign of my own to raise money. My plan is to not only make more people aware of thumb rabies, but to help the burden thumb rabies has put on my life. Things like not being able to open mayonnaise or pickle jars, being unable to hold a large hair brush while blow drying my hair, or shoot marbles, and not to mention never again being able to thumb wrestle. All things YOU take for granted. 

So from now until September 28th I will be asking for donations to find a cure for my thumb rabies. If a cure can’t be found, rest assured your money will be put to good use, like funding pain management (gin and Circus Peanuts), medical seminars (trips to Hollywood California to play doctor with George Clooney), and research and development for a vaccine (more gin) so that no one will ever again  have to suffer with this heinous affliction.

Start giving today so I can have a richer tomorrow.

This is a button you can grab for your blog to help educate people on the horrors of thumb rabies. With everyone's help we can wipe out thumb rabies in our lifetime or I can, at the very least, go shopping.

(You can do a search for “thumb rabies” on that search thingy over there on the sidebar to read about my ongoing battle with thumb rabies. Or not.)

65 Comments
 

65 Responses to For the price of a really, really nice cup of coffee per day, and perhaps a fancy French pastry, and about thirty to forty more dollars, you can help rid the world of a horrible disease. Or get me upgraded to First Class on my trip to California.

  1. Larry says:

    I see the goal is 1 million. With that kind of dosh you can fund a lot of research…or pain management…
    Good luck!

  2. A worthy cause, good luck, Laura.

    However, due to the wallet leprosy my wife spread throughout my bank account, I will be unable to contribute at this time.

    You don’t have any spare gin, do you?

  3. One Crazed Chick says:

    you should include a picture of thumb rabies in order to show just how bad this can get. Sympathy gets ya more money

  4. Too funny! I can’t open mayonnaise or pickle jars, hold a large hair brush while blow drying my hair, shoot marbles, or thumb wrestle. Do I have thumb rabies?! Also, I don’t like gin, will whiskey work? Thank God you’ve been so proactive in bringing attention to this cause.

  5. Jennifer says:

    LMAO! This is too funny! I would give but I just paid my electric bill! LOL

  6. Yabu says:

    Offer Sarah G the position of “Director of Rabies Cure and Prevention”.

  7. Now, just where, exactly, has your thumb BEEN??

    I mean, we’ve all followed along breathlessly with each account of your suffering, but I don’t think any of us really knows HOW your thumb came to be rabified Wait, “rabified” looks Jewish somehow. So, is it like Tay Sachs?

  8. Jess says:

    I’m new to viewing your blog (is that like blind voyeurism?) so I went to the search thingy to find out about your thumb rabies. The only thing I found was a reference to other posts and a stern warning: 404 file not found.

    I’m thinking that Satan, once again, is tormenting you for home improvement and nice thoughts – probably on the same day.

    So, maybe if you post a picture of your thumb rabies it will help shock potential donors and make some vomit in their mouth. That always gets money. People don’t like to vomit in their mouth, unless they’re trying to prove a point.

  9. Tea says:

    I am very concerned about your thumb rabies. I don’t happen to have any cash, but I do have three unopened bottles of gin. Is it possible to donate directly to the research department?

  10. Hoody Hoo says:

    I would be happy to donate except I bit my thumbnail off and now I think I have BOTH kinds of rabies…

  11. Jena says:

    Joan, I believe you could be right!

  12. wpdunn71901 says:

    two words

    goat narcolepsy

  13. Do you payment in any of the following forms:
    Pay Pal?
    My neighbor’s Visa?
    2 hundred bajillion pennies from my daughter’s piggy bank?
    Doritos?
    Monopoly money? Not the lousy ones either, I’m talking the hundred bills.
    Disease swap? I’ll take your thumb rabies if you take my deep vein thrombosis.

  14. Sarah G. says:

    If I am offered the Directorship of Rabies Cure and Prevention I will respectfully accept. I will focus on prevention and encourage my husband in making his most excellent gin &tonics.

  15. cricket says:

    You have my sympathy for the cause.

    The zombie moths ate all my money, apparently.

    The doc took away my nippy bottle. And beer. And vodka. And red wine. Bastard.

    I can sneak a few in shell peanuts away from the hoard but they aren’t technically circus peanuts.

    *sniffle* I need sympathy.

  16. Liz says:

    I do (and always have) feel bad about your thumb rabies. However, being a shoe whore leaves me with NO money to donate (I just bought 6 new pairs this weekend). So sorry. And, I will not give you any of my gin. But, if I see sale on those gross circus peanuts, maybe I’ll buy a bag for you. Maybe.

    PS – I don’t take any of those things for granted, especially thumb wrestling which is weird.

  17. I fear I cannot contribute to your rabies account, but if you do find your way to my home, I do have five different brands of gin.

  18. Nora says:

    Dearest Laura,I am new to your blog, I’ve never heard of your thumb rabies…I should have scrolled through old posts to find about about your pain and suffering! I AM SO SORRY FOR YOUR PAIN!!!
    I started a prayer chain in Iraq…AND I was told, (In strictest confidence)that if you drink a FULL glass of gin whilst standing on your right foot..with your rabies filled thumb inanother glass of gin..within 3 day, yes 3 days!!! you will be cured…Good luck!

  19. dana says:

    I…uh…gave at the office.

  20. Pug Mahon says:

    Does your thumb rabies impair proper use of a firearm? If so, this is a very serious problem. I may just need to go scrounge some change out of the floor mats of my truck.

  21. Mrs. Who says:

    You know that thumb rabies is just an early sign of zombiefication.

  22. Jeffro says:

    Damn. I thought I had some extra millions just laying around that needed a cause like this, but advanced crotch rot of the brain has caused me to forget just where I put them.

    Please excuse me while I go farble the greekenoids.

  23. Tad says:

    I personally will donate.. I just need the PO Box # and my cheque will be in the mail tomorrow. But I am afraid I can only start with $500.00. as that is all I can spare this month. Perhaps next month will be better. I too , want to find a cure for thumb rabies…. other than gin cuz then I get head rabies….

  24. Nicole says:

    The check is in the mail. I always get suckered into donating to good causes…

  25. Terri the Terror says:

    They do lots of medical research in San Diego ya know. They pay for “volunteers” too.

  26. If gin and circus peanuts cannot cure thumb rabies what is this world coming too?

  27. kim says:

    well apparently breast milk is magical and cures indigestion, maybe it cures thumb rabies too. this woman has plenty and this is your ew link for the day (unless you’re into it and then i have to wonder even more about you ;) http://www.parenting.com/blogs/show-and-tell/sasha-parentingcom/man-goes-all-breast-milk-diet?src=soc&dom=fb

  28. Larry says:

    Unfortunately I’m strapped about now, but I can put you in touch with a certain Col. Morgan who found a large fortune in Iraq and is looking for some discreet assistance in moving it out of the country. I figure with your background in governmental assassination you can work something out between you.

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