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Happy Block of Cheese Labor Day! | Fetch My Flying Monkeys
Everyone needs a fleet of flying monkeys to rip the stuffing out of the annoying people in their lives
— Laura

Every year I have to look up “Labor Day” because I never remember why it’s a holiday because I am not a holiday scientist and then I read it’s to celebrate people who work and pay taxes so others can sit at home, live in free housing with free utilities and have free medical and dental. Then to top it off they get big blocks of government cheese while the worker struggles to pay their million dollar electric bill, can’t see a doctor about their rabies because they pay for a crap policy with a zillion dollar deductible, and then to top it all off, they constantly have to battle the urge to shove a pencil through their or their co-worker’s eye to end their misery. But maybe that’s just me. I’m not complaining though, I do get the day off with pay. That is America’s way of giving me a block of cheese. So thanks, America. I like cheese.  

Now for a true Labor Day Weekend story:

Richelle and I were out shopping and I pointed at a strip mall store who’s sign read “Bee Natural” and said “Oh look a health food store, let’s stop there” because I like to take vitamins and supplements and pretend they wipe out all the ill effects of gin and Circus Peanuts. So we pulled up and as I was reaching for my seat belt I looked up at the store front sign. 

I snapped this photo in between making the sign of the cross and us peeling out of the parking lot.

Richelle must have read it at the same time because we looked at each other and said “IT’S A MATERNITY STORE!” in unison and screamed. We kept screaming as we peeled out of the lot and the store faded in the rearview mirror. Then we ate lunch to forget our harrowing experience and I had a cheeseburger. I like cheese.

64 Comments
 

64 Responses to Happy Block of Cheese Labor Day!

  1. guffaw says:

    Not gonna find much cheese at a maternity store.

  2. Of course it’s a day to celebrate cheese. We learned it from the French, who have unions for everything and never work.
    So it’s more like Labor Year over there, and that gives them time to eat all 17 million kinds of cheese they have…while Germans pay for it.

  3. Mrs. Who says:

    It’s okay about misreading the sign…for years, my oldest son thought the Browning emblem (http://ny-image2.etsy.com/il_570xN.212815686.jpg) was a very pregnant woman, arms bent as she pressed against her aching back, hair blowing wildly in the wind. Ever since he’s told me that, it’s all I can see, too…

  4. Jan says:

    Now that is one scary sign! Good thing you had enough presence of mind to get out of there fast!

  5. Cheese is the best part of any holiday. And cheese always makes up for a bad maternity store experience. And when you eat it ON a holiday AFTER such an experience, well, that’s just genius. Like getting two birds stoned at once.

  6. Yabu says:

    You need to tune up your glasses. Just sayin’

  7. jazz1013 says:

    I don’t get it–”BEE Maternal”.

    What kind of a baby store name is that? I can see why you and Rachel were confused.

  8. dana says:

    Cheese versus having kids…..ummmm….no contest. You can EAT your cheese.

  9. CGHill says:

    As the old hymn says, “What a friend we have in cheeses.”

  10. Larry says:

    Maternity store? I don’t think that’s the kind of labor they mean…

  11. Tink says:

    How is your eye rabies anyway? are you just trying to ignore it or has it gotten any better? I sure hope it has gotten better….. I hope you had a good holiday cuz tomorrow it’s BACK TO WORK.. for me anyway. It’s all Capers & Chicken. Have a great week….

  12. September says:

    Ahhhh! I’m kinda glad this weekend is over. I apparently did not have as much fun as you and Richelle. But then who does. How does one confuse “Natural” with “Maternal”? You really really , I mean REALLY need to find a new eye doctor……

  13. Tad says:

    If I cant have you can I have Ricehlle? you two are hysterical.

  14. Jeffro says:

    I like cheese. The expensive good stuff, the fake sliced sandwich crap, squeezy cheese, cheese in a can, Velveeta; whatever. Did I say I liked cheese?

    I shudder at what kind of cheese you’d find in a maternity store. Don’t even wanna know.

  15. There could be cheese at a maternity store if they were having a lactation class. Not to be gross or anything, but when I was getting ready to spawn, I remember sumthin’ cheesy emerging (except for my eldest, my daughter, my Mini-Me whom I call Dolly Girl – she sprang from my forehead, fully clothed in armor, a young maiden . . . what the hell did they put in that epidural?!).

    No, this Labor Union Thug Day, I played with my tripod.

  16. kim says:

    last time i went into one of those baby stores (FOR A FRIEND!) none of the sales ladies laughed at any of my wisecracks about feeling more comfortable in bestbuy where i can buy virtual guns to kill virtual zombies instead of irl wipes to wipe irl shit. i guess hormonal moms don’t find me funny — probably why i don’t hang out with them.

    • Laura says:

      No- people in the baby business take that shit serious. You should see them if I’m forced to go in one for a friend and I start making cracks about disiplining kids and shit. They get all DSS.

  17. Tea says:

    I can only imagine the amount of bacon covered cheese, circus peanuts, and gin you’d have needed had you not glanced at the sign, and walked in.
    I’ve had two kids and am still creeped out by those stores.

  18. Jena says:

    Damn girl, i would have been screaming too… im fact i relived it with you when i read it and was traumatized…i screamed in my head…. ptsd, shit man…

  19. Hoody Hoo says:

    Thank GAWD you didn’t actually go in there — that’s how they get you! And I really liked that welfare cheese — my grampa always gave me his ’cause he was old and chesse is not the best dietary choice for old people.

  20. Jess says:

    I have no snarky comments, but I do like cheese.

  21. Jess says:

    I did think of something, although it’s not snarky.

    Years ago, while pouring sidewalks near a welfare office, the manager, or whatever the official title is, came out and told us the next day was the day all the pregnant women were scheduled. They went on to give the number of 80 were expected. Our curiosity was piqued, so we kept a running tally during the next day.

    I don’t remember the actual number, but I do remember it was a little over the projected number. The comments were constant and we had a few disagreements on whether some were actually pregnant.

  22. AmyLynn says:

    I am a bitter, bitter lady on Labor Day. Because I have to take the day off with NO PAY.

    I need a new job…….before I become homicidal.

    sigh

  23. Julia says:

    Natures way of telling you your CLOCK is ticking… tick tock tick tock…

    and trust me your babies (I foresee twins in your future) won’t stay away from your dino’s…

    Just sayin…

  24. Liz says:

    Being from Wisconsin, I can concur with your love of cheese. Stay far away from those damn “nature” stores! They are bad for you. :-)

  25. Behold the Power of Cheese.

  26. Nicole says:

    Blocks of government cheese should come in handy for your Velveeta fountain.

  27. Dannie says:

    dude I know you didn’t want to get cooties, but it would have been a riot to see what trouble you and Richelle coulda made in there….just sayin’

  28. I freaking love your comparison of labor day to government cheese!!!! I will now only refer to labor day as government cheese day!

  29. ManhattanMaven says:

    Hey…how do you get a picture in this nightclub?? That silhouette thingy is really starting to creep me out!

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