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Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/admin/class.options.metapanel.php on line 49 I found another spider anteater in my shower this weekend and it got away while I was attempting to kill it and now I just know it’s plotting revenge somewhere. I really need to go into protective custody or a safe house or something. I’m a sitting duck here. | Fetch My Flying Monkeys
I found another spider anteater in my shower this weekend and it got away while I was attempting to kill it and now I just know it’s plotting revenge somewhere. I really need to go into protective custody or a safe house or something. I’m a sitting duck here.
I hate Sunday nights because all I can think about is starting another work week and I know everyone thinks it’s all glamorous and exciting being a government assassin but nothing can be further from the truth. It sucks. But I wasn’t born rich and the whole lottery-early-retirement thing isn’t working out very well, so because I kind of enjoy living indoors and having electricity and such, I just try to suck it up. But I do mope around whining to myself all Sunday evening about how hard life is and through my self-pity tears I type out an entry because I’m not only an attention whore but also a blog martyr because I know you all will be sitting there at work on Monday reading my shit through your Monday-morning-work-tears and if I didn’t have an entry half of you would go all suicidal and shit. Yeah, I know I’m delusional and that I also don’t completely understand sentence structure.
Speaking of being delusional, I made this:
Yes, I used the WHORE’S body- but I practiced safe photoshopping and had it tested for VD before placing my bulbous head on it.
Now I have to go because True Blood will be coming on and the only thing that has helped me through these Sunday blues is the slightest chance of seeing Eric Northman naked and also the hidden bag of Circus Peanuts I had in the silverware drawer. Circus Peanuts are my Prozac, y’all. Seeing Eric Northman naked? Well, I just enjoy that.
89 Responses to I found another spider anteater in my shower this weekend and it got away while I was attempting to kill it and now I just know it’s plotting revenge somewhere. I really need to go into protective custody or a safe house or something. I’m a sitting duck here.
Speaking of Clooney, we were on our way to Jacksonville Friday night and there, along I-95′s median, was your goat. Just a random goat on a random part of the Interstate, eating grass within about two feet of the stream of non-stop metal zooming past it.Of course, I thought of you.
If you do not blog I, for one, would go all suicidal and shit…. You (not true blood) are the only thing that has helped me through these Sunday blues.and what feels like apocalypse Mondays…. uggggggg! ……
God!!! I hate Anteaters.. I hate them. I dont care if they are inside or outside, I hate them….I dont use hairspray I use “CLOROX CLEANUP” That really stops them. they stop and flip over and kick and scream.. It’s great….While I stand there and go “AAAAHAHAHAHAHAH”.
I hate anteaters too. But not really- not REAL anteaters- they are weird looking, but cool at the same time. Some people would argue the same about spiders. But those people are mentally ill and a menace to society. Much like spiders, not anteaters.
3M Super 77 spray adhesive also kills bugs pretty fucking dead. Hell of a lot faster than the stuff they try to sell you if you say you’re trying to kill bugs.
And your wish came true – Eric was naked in last nights episode! My fave line from the entire serious was last week “You just killed my Fairy God-mother”!
YES! That man “V ” area showed and I was all “MORE DAMMIT! MORE! KEEP THE CAMERA FOCUSED THERE!” then I died a little inside because the camera moved upwards! DAMMIT TO HELL they need new camera personnel.
I feel the exact same thing on Sunday nights.
I don’t really like circus peanuts so that option won’t work for me. That anteater is probably long gone…..
I’ve never watched True Blood, but I saw that magazine cover and was like” WHAT?!WOW?!is that real blood?
Eric Northman naked. My new favorite sentence. Sometimes when I go to bed at night my prayer is, “Dear God, let me dream about Eric Northman. Naked.” But I don’t think God likes that prayer (probably hears it too much) so it never happens. Maybe I should be praying to someone else. Like Jobu.
If I found an anteater in my shower, I’d be traumatized and have to retire on mental disability. Which means that I will NEVER find an anteater in my shower, because no way in hell would I ever be that lucky. Damn it.
I was cleaning out some stuff in the garage when I found the ugliest mofo spide– I mean, anteater, evah. It had seven legs, and the body was dented. No joke.
I put it out of its misery, because I’m humane like that.
You know, if you moved a little further south…to where it’s like only 200 degrees every day…you could just have skinks and geckos and chameleons (oh my) running through your house. No. More. Spiders, uh, anteaters. Fact!
And I have it on good authority that they don’t drink gin.
Not only did we get Eric naked, we got to see the fine, FINE body of Alcide. Holy mother of pearl!!!!
And since I record the show while watching it; it is all I’ve been watching all day.
Ok, not really watching so much as having my favorite scene on “pause” so I get to see all that naked, yummy, gloriousness known as Alcide.
You realize that hiding circus peanuts around the house is the same as hiding gin? Oh, never mind. I’m sure have that covered too. Yer a pro like that.
Bulbous head? You??? Get out, girl! Boo should be so lucky! Stay positive! That court order will be gone someday! Never say die! Don’t give up! F*(k ‘em all if they can’t take a joke!
Look, I’ll admit to having ethyl alcohol in my bloodstream when I posted that. & I have it in there now, too. What was I talking about, please? I’m really lost now.
Ok I confess, my mind must be in the gutter, all dirty and crap because that picture…well the placement of the hands just sent visuals all sorts of ways….damn, now have to go to church every night or something to pay penance. Oh wait, I forgot, I’m not Catholic
Eric Northman naked…. oooooooooh, yeeeeeeah. And how did you get weekends off from The Government Assassin Corporation? They’ve made me off somebody the last 4 Saturdays in a row!
Tell me how the anteater is dangerous to you in the shower/tub, other than getting a little too crowded. Does he think you look like a big ant ?
Yeah…that would be bad.
Just the initial scare factor really because IF an anteater was in my house I would dress it up and put the pics on the Internet then I would send it out in my yard to eat ants.
LOL! I hate Sundays too! True Blood does ease the pain though. I hope that spider, I mean anteater, doesn’t get it’s revenge!
I hope not either though. The last thing I need is to be terrorized by an anteater.
Damn anteaters freak me out! I like your banner though. lol
Thanks.
You and George make a lovely couple!
I totally agree.
Speaking of Clooney, we were on our way to Jacksonville Friday night and there, along I-95′s median, was your goat. Just a random goat on a random part of the Interstate, eating grass within about two feet of the stream of non-stop metal zooming past it.Of course, I thought of you.
If you look hard enough, there’s goats everywhere. They are the modern day unicorn.
If you do not blog I, for one, would go all suicidal and shit…. You (not true blood) are the only thing that has helped me through these Sunday blues.and what feels like apocalypse Mondays…. uggggggg! ……
HA! You need Circus Peanuts.
HAPPY MONDAY LAURA! It’s gonna be a bright bright sun shinny day…. eeeee haaaaaa! Have a great day!
I want what you’re having.
OMG! I love that picture.. you are so creative…. and delusional… I love it! ..
Being delusional makes one creative.
If you really r a government assassin , I have a list…. Please… I will pay….
Being a government assassin means it would take many years of paperwork to even get to view your list.
God!!! I hate Anteaters.. I hate them. I dont care if they are inside or outside, I hate them….I dont use hairspray I use “CLOROX CLEANUP” That really stops them. they stop and flip over and kick and scream.. It’s great….While I stand there and go “AAAAHAHAHAHAHAH”.
I hate anteaters too. But not really- not REAL anteaters- they are weird looking, but cool at the same time. Some people would argue the same about spiders. But those people are mentally ill and a menace to society. Much like spiders, not anteaters.
No not realzz anteaters although I would not get close to them either. and I would be carrying my Clorox Cleanup as well……
I would be carrying a suture kit to close up the nasty wound they would inflict with those super front claws.
3M Super 77 spray adhesive also kills bugs pretty fucking dead. Hell of a lot faster than the stuff they try to sell you if you say you’re trying to kill bugs.
I’m going to get a can. The bug spray takes FOREVER.
You can do better than Clooney, but if you must, hook me up with a job with Ocean’s 14. I’ll take the cash…and I’m not talking about acting.
Clooney is my Boo. That is FACT.
Like I said…you can do better! Fact.
Don’t be busting on my Boo.
I’m 32….and I need to know ..is it too early to start X’ing out the days to retirement on my calendar yet??? I’m getting to old for 5am wake up calls.
By 5 a.m. I am at work assassinating.
fucking Monday morning! I had 2 comments and the fucker ate my comments! grrr
Sonsabitchin’ comment eater!
And your wish came true – Eric was naked in last nights episode! My fave line from the entire serious was last week “You just killed my Fairy God-mother”!
YES! I saw his nudity and I was all “DAYUUMM! I need to wish that more often.” Dude loves to take his clothes off. Thank God. Ha!
the crotch grabbing is a nice touch.
Do mean her, er I mean, me holding the handbag?
whatever you need to tell yourself…
To heck with Eric. Did you see Alcide last night? Oh, my!
YES! That man “V ” area showed and I was all “MORE DAMMIT! MORE! KEEP THE CAMERA FOCUSED THERE!” then I died a little inside because the camera moved upwards! DAMMIT TO HELL they need new camera personnel.
I was soooo disappointed.
I feel the exact same thing on Sunday nights.
I don’t really like circus peanuts so that option won’t work for me. That anteater is probably long gone…..
I’ve never watched True Blood, but I saw that magazine cover and was like” WHAT?!WOW?!is that real blood?
that is all
Girl, the nakedness on that show is worth the price of cable.
Eric Northman naked. My new favorite sentence. Sometimes when I go to bed at night my prayer is, “Dear God, let me dream about Eric Northman. Naked.” But I don’t think God likes that prayer (probably hears it too much) so it never happens. Maybe I should be praying to someone else. Like Jobu.
If Jobu listens to you, please let me know. There’s a whole lotta male star nakedness I’d like to see.
If I found an anteater in my shower, I’d be traumatized and have to retire on mental disability. Which means that I will NEVER find an anteater in my shower, because no way in hell would I ever be that lucky. Damn it.
Girl, I have been traumatized by so much and STILL they won’t give me a check! Sonsabitches.
I was cleaning out some stuff in the garage when I found the ugliest mofo spide– I mean, anteater, evah. It had seven legs, and the body was dented. No joke.
I put it out of its misery, because I’m humane like that.
Never let a fucked up lookin’ spider, err anteater survive and breed. That’s asking for trouble down the road.
You know, if you moved a little further south…to where it’s like only 200 degrees every day…you could just have skinks and geckos and chameleons (oh my) running through your house. No. More. Spiders, uh, anteaters. Fact!
And I have it on good authority that they don’t drink gin.
We have those! But I like lizards. Bugs, not so much.
Ummm. . . doesn’t the restraining order disallow you from making picture like that? Just curious.
CURSES!
I remember w-w-w-w I can’t even type that word anymore!
HAHA!
Not only did we get Eric naked, we got to see the fine, FINE body of Alcide. Holy mother of pearl!!!!
And since I record the show while watching it; it is all I’ve been watching all day.
Ok, not really watching so much as having my favorite scene on “pause” so I get to see all that naked, yummy, gloriousness known as Alcide.
I know. right? Jesus, I nearly fell off my couch.
There was shirtless Eric and shirtless Alcide growling at each other. It was a fantastic night in my house.
I was all “OMG Make out you guys!” Because then we’d get to see them instead of Sookies boobs. Ha!
You realize that hiding circus peanuts around the house is the same as hiding gin? Oh, never mind. I’m sure have that covered too. Yer a pro like that.
Shh it only becomes a problem when I forget where I put them.
Bulbous head? You??? Get out, girl! Boo should be so lucky! Stay positive! That court order will be gone someday! Never say die! Don’t give up! F*(k ‘em all if they can’t take a joke!
Hope this positive affirmation thing works.
Oh I’ll never give up : )
Can you OD on the prozac??
You sure can on Circus Peanuts.
I think u just become very friendly……
Are you sure it’s not the same spi…er, anteater…as before? Maybe you should start putting the drain plug in or something.
Or keep a shotgun in the bathroom.
Can you make a picture of me with naked Eric? I would like that. Thank you.
I think we all picture ourselves in that situation…
Haha, you’re in love with Gary Coleman? Awesome.
What you talkin’ about Willis?
Look, I’ll admit to having ethyl alcohol in my bloodstream when I posted that. & I have it in there now, too. What was I talking about, please? I’m really lost now.
He doesn’t deserve you, and anteaters rule.
Ha! Ya know, anteaters are preety cool creatures. I mean, the real ones.
Ok I confess, my mind must be in the gutter, all dirty and crap because that picture…well the placement of the hands just sent visuals all sorts of ways….damn, now have to go to church every night or something to pay penance. Oh wait, I forgot, I’m not Catholic
Good lawd, you people have filthy minds! I like that.
I’m just sayin’….after the age of 25, I think no one has a clean mind.
Probably true…
Eric Northman naked…. oooooooooh, yeeeeeeah. And how did you get weekends off from The Government Assassin Corporation? They’ve made me off somebody the last 4 Saturdays in a row!
Dead hooker overtime.
I just can’t figure out why George isn’t stalking YOU!
I KNOW!!! HAHAHAHA!
Obviously Mr. Clooney has poor taste. He can be trained, we hope.
(& just so it’s not mistaken, I mean Señor Clooney doesn’t know what he’s missing out on)
He does like the WHORES, just not this one. ( sad face)
Maybe you just need some floozie clothes…then i’m SURE he’d notice what an excellent floozie you are!!
I need to go to the floozie store then this weekend.
The trouble with being old is not know who people are talking about… Eric Northman… had to google… a southern vampire? man oh man
Certainly know who George is though — nice headshot…
Further on being old… I downloaded Wheel of Fortune on my iPhone… solving puzzles? I don’t know who these people are! and the movies? forget it …
Enjoy your blog very much…
Well, thank you. And you’re only as old as you feel. Uh oh. I’m eighty. Nevermind.
Tell me how the anteater is dangerous to you in the shower/tub, other than getting a little too crowded. Does he think you look like a big ant ?
Yeah…that would be bad.
Just the initial scare factor really because IF an anteater was in my house I would dress it up and put the pics on the Internet then I would send it out in my yard to eat ants.