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Free at last! Free at last! Thank God Almighty, he’s free at last! | Fetch My Flying Monkeys
Everyone needs a fleet of flying monkeys to rip the stuffing out of the annoying people in their lives
— Laura

‘Bout Damn Time, Boo
A Poem of Celebration by Laura Ledford

 

When I heard the news I became very suspicious.
People have told me this before, just being malicious.
Then word came out that it was true; they printed it on TMZ!
She was gone! She was outta there! HE CAN BE WITH ME!
I’ve waited so long; not that I couldn’t have waited more.
But you came to your senses and dumped that succubus WHORE.
Now we can be together, just as soon as you’re free of disease.
I’ve made you an appointment on Friday at 4, at the CDC.

That’s in Atlanta, Boo. I’ll meet you there. We’ll have coffee. I’ll act all supportive and concerned and shit. I’ll be all “I’m here for you. Naked.” And my blouse will accidently pop open.  And you’ll be all “What?” And I’ll be ”Nothing.” But I’ll smile and secretly I’ll be planning my move to California. Not Italy. No. Fuck Italy! It’s full of WHORES.

 


P.S. If you or family are from Italy, or presently live in Italy, I did not mean you are WHORES. I am talking about the people who are WHORES in Italy. They know who they are. WHORES!

73 Comments
 

73 Responses to Free at last! Free at last! Thank God Almighty, he’s free at last!

  1. Jennifer says:

    YES!! I was so happy for you when I heard the news!

  2. Heather says:

    It is ’bout damn time! As soon as he’s declared disease-free you should make your move! lol

  3. Joe the Blog Stalker says:

    I hope you aren’t going to stop blogging now to dedicate all your time to stalking George.

  4. Steve says:

    I demand the telephone numbers of these Italian WHORES!

  5. Are you applying for legal guardianship of George? He looks lost and lonely, poor dear.

    Hell, he’s probably the one who taught Toby, Leornardo, Matt and Ben how to gamble. This whole breakup is a distraction from that story.

    The new header-banner rocks!

    • Laura says:

      Hmmm…applying for legal guardianship. THAT is an excellent idea! I just hope I don’t get that same judge that signed the restraining order. HA!

  6. Tink says:

    Glory hallelujah,the Queen succubus WHORE is gone,
    he knew what he was doing, all along, was all wrong.
    now that all the clouds have cleared and George has come to his sense,
    You can finally stalk him freely with out worrying about that wench.
    But the glory days are coming, and happiness will abound
    and all your joys and peacefulness will finally be found. ….oh by the way, has that restraining order been lifted yet? just askin!

  7. rdennis says:

    I am so happy for you. Remember, we sometimes get what we want. We some times get what we deserve and most the time, we get both and are not happy. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. (walks off mumbling something about Liberal psycho Hollyweird types……)

  8. KK says:

    I’ve been waiting for this post.

  9. Princess says:

    I think U should have a poetry contest .. a fitting send off for a succubus WHORE ! That would be great fun and probably totally hysterical! Get everyone’s true feelings down on paper and make a coffee table book out of the entries… HA! you could retire.

  10. Larry says:

    And as soon as the restraining order is lifted, you’re IN!
    Congrats!

  11. Glory be! George is Free!
    Go get him Laura, you’re meant to be.
    You’d better act soon,
    You’d better stalk more.
    Before he finds himself another temporary WHORE!

    YAY stalker poetry!

  12. Julia says:

    Oh man…can you repeat?? I got totally distracted by all the Whores! SOOO MANNYYYYY WHOOORRRREEESSS!!!

  13. AmyLynn says:

    When I read this? I was so happy
    It brought a tear to my eye

    I think this calls for a rousing chorus
    of “Ding Dong The Witch Is Dead”

    You have finally conquered your voo doo skills

    I think there should be a ceremony too
    With you getting a Tiara

    that is all

    • Laura says:

      I have a tiara! I really do. I usually wear it when I’m writing my blog, walking the dog, or washing dishes. Okay, I lied, I don’t wash dishes. Anyway, YES my voodoo worked, but there was a lot of collateral damage. BUT it worked!!

  14. Aha! See? And you thought the voodoo had backfired.
    Ya just gotta have faith…or a bigger supply of chicken blood and mojo bags.
    And in a few days…
    “Nothin’ could be finer than my boo in Carolina…

  15. Jena says:

    That clarification didn’t do it. HA!

    Im so happy for you! How did J take the news?

  16. Jan says:

    Personally, I’ve always felt that the serial womanizer types in Hollywood are just hiding up the fact that they’re gay. I mean, it’s the perfect cover, right? Then they can act all manly and shit having “poker night” with the boys and no one suspects a thing (but we all know what those cigars REALLY mean). The women go along because they’re tired of being pursued by the ratty guys and can do the lezbo thing on the side. Win-win. The whole sad and lost, it’s-a-private-thing is just playing it up for the press and the suckers who buy gossip rags.

  17. Timothy J McCorkle says:

    Being a Sailor, Having Been there and done that the one thing I can say is… Italian Whores shave a lot more than their legs… walked into the Bathroom one morning and she’s working her upper lip with My Razor… and yes I knew enough to verify her gender first… her Grannie liked me.

  18. Yabu says:

    I liked the dinosaur better, but I’m a straight boy dog.

  19. Dannie says:

    bout time you headed over here to be my neighbor…don’t worry I’m not a whore and won’t steal your man….you and I just can have fun around town…when I am able to get a babysitter. LOL

  20. Let me guess… you finished that virtual bottle of Tanqueray Rangpur I sent you, huh??? ;)

  21. Liz says:

    A little “love” poem for the occasion:

    George is as free as a bird (or should we say goat?)!
    This had made Laura gloat!

    They will join together to eat bacon and drink gin.
    And Laura’s face will wear the world’s biggest grin!

    When the restraining order is off,
    George will no longer scoff
    at his new love, Laura.
    He will instead say, “I adore ya!”

  22. Janie Jones says:

    Congratulations! You are the embodiment of that Blonde song:
    “I’m not the kinda girl who gives up just like that.”

  23. Flannery says:

    I love that you already have a plan put together. I don’t see any way this could fail!

  24. Cheryl says:

    I guess I have achieved total blog-whore-ness because while I was getting ready for work, I head the news, and, of course, FMFM is the first thing I thought of….Go get ‘im!

  25. Elphaba says:

    Congratulations…I think. I still say that once the newness of Boo wears off, you’ll grow tired of him and want J. back. George is pretty to look at, but he’s a bed-wetting liberal. J, on the other hand, is obviously more useful, even if he is a goat-hating Nazi. ;)

    • Laura says:

      George is my Boo. J has always known this. The judge, not so much.

      • Elphaba says:

        Well, here’s my concern: every time he opens his mouth he’s going to say something stupid, like ” I heart Castro,” or “Help! Rape!” so the best solution may be to reinforce your basement and keep George as your sex slave. Don’t allow him to talk (duct tape is highly recommended). The neighbors never need know, and neither will the cops. Oh, wait…

  26. SB Smith says:

    I saw that in the news and immediately came here to say – “GO FOR IT !!”…but since he’s a liberal, maybe tell him “Don’t talk”.
    :-D

  27. Maeve says:

    I thought of you when I heard this on TMZ last night. :)

  28. CGHill says:

    And remember, you can’t pronounce “succubus” without “suck.”

  29. June fly says:

    OH GOOD LORD.. HERE WE GO!… If we lose you because of a stupid restraining order I am gonna be so pissed. I cant stand it when you miss blogging for a day, What the hell are we gonna do for our morning eye opener, if you’re in jail.. I’m telling you girl, call me, I will bail you out…or… bring you your lap top.. if you dont have one I will buy you one… it may be cheaper than bail….is stalking an expensive charge?

  30. Jeffro says:

    *snif* Dammit, it’s dusty in here or something, I’m tearing up. Sooo happy for you, Laura!

  31. SPAD13 says:

    Damn I was hoping for a rendering of your blouse “accidently” popping open.

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