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Sure, most people just think you’re insane, but you never know when there just might be a talent scout for the insane on the other end of the phone. | Fetch My Flying Monkeys
Everyone needs a fleet of flying monkeys to rip the stuffing out of the annoying people in their lives
— Laura

My manager came up to my desk yesterday and asked me to answer a phone that’s in the mail room because she needed to transfer a call from Bank of America in there and in order for it not to go to voice mail, someone needed to pick it up as soon as it rang. I said “Sure” and got up and went into the mail room and waited for the phone to ring. In a few minutes it rang, I picked it up and said ” Hello, (company name), this is Laura.” A lady said “This is Beth from Bank of America.” I said “Yes, Ms. D will be with you in a minute, she had me pick up the call for her.” Then Beth from Bank of America said “Okay, but I need to inform you that all calls are recorded for quality assurance.” And I said “Well now, Beth,  if I’m being recorded, I’M GOING TO SING!” Then I started singing in my best Elmer Fudd voice.

“To dweam de impossibuw dweam. To fight de unbeadabow foe. To beaw wid unbawable sawoh. To wun whewe de bwave dawe not go. To wite de unwiteabow wong. To weach de unweachabow stah! Dis is my cwes! To fowwow dat stah. No mattew how hopwess, no mattew how fah!”

I stopped just as my manager entered the room and I heard Beth bust out laughing. I said “Oh, here she is now. Have a nice day, Beth.” and I handed the phone to my manager and made a hasty retreat back to my desk.

111 Comments
 

111 Responses to Sure, most people just think you’re insane, but you never know when there just might be a talent scout for the insane on the other end of the phone.

  1. WPDunn71901 says:

    Did you know that you are not allowed to sing show tunes in the deli at Wallyworld?
    I learned this gem after being escorted from the deli after a rather rousing rendition of “Oklahoma”

    Baby Goat Fact #33
    683 – when a baby goat cries Chuck Norris bleeds lime kool-aid

    • Laura says:

      LIKE singing at WalMart is the rudest thing they will ever observe! Ha! Sonsabitches!

      I like that you are so aware of goats and their facts! My Goat Awareness Month/Quarter Year must be so redundant to you.

    • cricket says:

      Chuck Norris never bleeds. Chuck Norris pulls lime kool aid from the air to make so the baby goat has something nice to drink.

  2. Michelle says:

    Look out! You are moments away from stardom! I just know it.

  3. Jennifer says:

    LOL! That is SO something you would do!

  4. Steve says:

    Thanks for making my morning.

  5. garnet says:

    LOL! You do shit I wish I could!

  6. Laura says:

    Just DO IT! Like Nike.

  7. One Crazed Chick says:

    I bet you made her day! You should ask for a copy of the recording!!

  8. Jade says:

    I hope you know just how much happy you give people!

    P.S. Great title!

  9. Yabu says:

    You should’ve sung “Gin and Juice’

  10. Mr. Bingley says:

    “What’s Opera Doc?” is the finest achievement in Cinematographic history.

  11. hoodyhoo says:

    Every day, in every way, you make me love you more and more. Dammit!

  12. Tink says:

    I’ll bet Bank of America is playing that recording for everyone this morning… HA! A star is born!

  13. Julia says:

    Of all the songs you COULD have sung you choose that one? Good job! Good job!!

    I hope you got a raise! Really your boss should be super impressed with your reception duties!

  14. Love it! I don’t think I’d be quick enough to think to do it… but I’ll be looking for other ways to randomly brighten someone’s day now.

  15. Princess says:

    Never let it be said ,you pass on opportunity! Nope…

  16. Jeffro says:

    I’ll bet your credit rating just jumped up a hundred points!

  17. Brea says:

    Laura, you have to learn to not hide your many talents under that shy, retiring exterior of yours! Let yourself shine once in a while, why don’tcha?!? Get thyself to a recording studio, make a demo, and have it piped into the building’s PA system! Or at least, use it for the local elevator muzak. Such soothing sounds will surely get you noticed in NO time!

  18. Man of La Mancha will never be the same. You could not have picked a better song (with more ‘Rs’) to be-Fudd-le.
    Brilliant.

  19. Curtal Friar says:

    Workplaces should be fun.

  20. Steph says:

    I love that regardless of spider decorating, your manager reading this blog, and lisp singing, you still have a job. Yay you!

    ps, let me know if you guys are hiring. I do a mean American Tail rendition. “Somewhereeeee out thereeee beneath the PALE moooonliiiightttt….”

    Was that an interview just there? Hope I nailed it.

  21. You are so funny; but it seems to work for you.

  22. Tracy says:

    Laura, I can’t believe that you actually started singing. I bet you really made Beth’s day. Especially, if she was having a bad one. She probably couldn’t stop talking about it at work and home.

  23. Dannie says:

    Excellent. I love singing show tunes on top of the tables in the lounge. My co-workers don’t appreciate the full value of it though…bummer. Hey it’s a free show from a sober person…what more could you want?

    • Laura says:

      I sang “Hey Big Spender” to the guy who fills the vending machines in the break room once. I even shimmied. He couldn’t get out of there fast enough.

      • Dannie says:

        hey that’s ok. I once looked out the window, saw the southern CA foothills looking all nice and green and busted out with “The hills are alive”…
        There were a few people in the lounge (mostly a couple of substitute teachers for taht day) that looked at me like I had 3 heads….come on people I’m a speech therapist, I’m not normal.

  24. Aw, go ahead and sing; I have it on good authority that insanity is over rated……and the drugs aren’t as good!

  25. Man, I have to learn to read what i type before I hit post. I meant to say that I’ve heard SANITY is over rated. Oh, look…here comes the nurse with the afternoon drugs!

  26. You sang after being informed the call would be recorded??

    I am sooooooooo glad I’m not the only one.

    • Laura says:

      You know it girl. Perfect opportunity I say, and I bet you do too.

      • All. The. Time.

        Not only that, but I tend to sing according to accent. So, if I have someone with a Spanish accent, out comes a Spanish song.

        One time I had a Hindu guy on the phone, and I couldn’t think of anything from India, so I did the Trolololo song from that Russian guy. What the hell, same continent, right? At least same land mass.

        Fuck it, it was funny ;)

  27. AmyLynn says:

    I totally love this. I do act this way all the time. I also dance in the grocery store aisles.

    Sometimes ballet, sometimes tap, once in a while it is disco…

    Most people do not understand me and I say

    I PITY THE FOOL with no joyful silliness in his heart

    that is all

  28. Jan says:

    Now that’s the way to end a week! Sanity is completely overrated, but I’m not sure that we should try to cure individual insanity, because it’s the only way to survive the collective insanity…

  29. Rose says:

    I used to work for several companies that “recorded calls for quality assurance”. Don’t be surprised that this will likely be passed around to many future generations of Bank of America trainees. :)

  30. Nicole says:

    You are just amazing. Crazy is what gives the world flavor and I hope you never change. :)

  31. CGHill says:

    I should have broken into song when the Robotic Voice at the cable company was trying to crawl (not walk) me through some diagnostics I’d already done on my own.

  32. rdennis says:

    That cuts it, you are my hero! LOL

  33. Elphaba says:

    I was reading this to Wiccapundit (tears streaming down my face), and he says, “I don’t know how anyone can work with her and get anything done!” LMAO

    I do believe that you are my favorite person in the blogosphere. (wheeze!)

  34. Larry says:

    You should totally make this blog a movie with some of the commenters as characters. Maybe a musical. With dancing in the grocery store aisles. And J and Manager rolling their eyes.
    I’m thinking BOX OFFICE SMASH here!!!

  35. patti says:

    If I had a flying monkey I’d by T-Rex fetch it just for you!

    I do have a pony, but alas and alak, he doesn’t fly.

    I don’t sing to people on the phone – though now I might start – but I do occasionally sing at my kids. It mortifies them, giggle.

  36. Ethan says:

    Ok… So I’m walking thru Walmart this morning and I’m singing….(because of you) Yep! I’m singin “Rollin in the Deep” and I’m looking thru things and I’m singing… all of a sudden, I look around and my Mom is gone…(she is in one of those motorized carts) Vanished! I finally find her and say MA! what are U doin? SHE SAY”S… GETTING THE HECK AWAY FROM YOU!….. WTF! Old people just dont get it!

  37. JihadGene says:

    Sweet, LOOONG time!!!

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