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The only thing I like about grammar is that there are not any real rules, just suggestions. Right? | Fetch My Flying Monkeys
Everyone needs a fleet of flying monkeys to rip the stuffing out of the annoying people in their lives
— Laura


International Goat Week
 


The other day J called while I was blogging.


J: “What are you doing?”


Laura: “Blogging. Oh hey, tell me the rules on hyphens. I’m writing and I think this needs hyphens but I’m not certain.”


J: “Well, the rules are kinda muddy. Numbers like fourty-four are hyphenated. Words like ex-wife and mother-in-law are hyphenated. Hyphens are used to bring two words together to prevent confusion, like man-eating shark. What are you trying to say?”


Laura: “Freedom hating Nazi asshole Bunch O’ Bitches motherfuckers. So do I hyphenate?”


J:-


Laura: “Well, they describe what kind of motherfuckers they are so they should be hyphenated, right? I don’t want any confusion in my cursing.”


J:-


Laura: “Hello?”


 


P.S. I want to thank everyone for their birthday wishes! I had a fantastic day and as soon as my lawyers say I can talk about it, I’ll let you know more details.

35 Comments
 

35 Responses to The only thing I like about grammar is that there are not any real rules, just suggestions. Right?

  1. Larry says:

    Glad you had a good day, tell us about it when the statute of limitations runs out.
    *** Ha! I plan to! ~Laura

  2. Larry says:

    BTW, I think only “freedom-hating” would be hyphenated.
    *** I am going to start calling you for editing! It doesn’t pay well though, just some Circus Peanuts. ~Laura

  3. Kevin says:

    I hope you had a great dinner with J and a wonderfull day.
    *** I did, thank you! She Crab Soup (my fave) and then lots and lots of carbs!! ~Laura

  4. Jennifer says:

    I love the way you and J just hang-up on each other.
    *** Mostly he hangs up on me. ~Laura

  5. garnet says:

    If lawyers are involved, I know it was a good day!
    *** Until you have to pay them. Ha! ~laura

  6. Heather says:

    What a cute baby goat! I’m going to be sad to see International Goat Week end!
    **** Maybe it should be International Goat Year. Lord knows I have enough goat photos now. Ha! ~Laura

  7. One Crazed Chick says:

    I see a grammar for dummies book in your future! LOL…glad you had a great day with lots of carbs, means you spent the day well. There should be a law that you can’t be held accountable for anything on your birthday. All those presents go to waste if you have to pay the lawyer.
    *** Want to wager I’ll see that book on my Kindle within the week? Ha! There really should be that law on the books about that birthday rule. ~Laura

  8. Purty says:

    Awwwwwwww! How precious….It’s hard to tell how yittle they are in pix but he sure looks yittle.(I know how much you love when adults talk baby.. so now I’m just being aggravating..ha!) I hope you had a great day yesterday… and since it is your b-day week, happy b-day to you, have two greats in a row!
    *** Baby talking animals is A-okay in my book. ~Laura

  9. I think grammar is totally subjective. Especially when; it comes to “punctuation.” Like. You can hy-phenate anything? Plus, I know for a fact, lots of, commas are good.
    The more commas, the better.
    Because there are ninety-million-hundred comma rules.
    Use the wrong there/their/they’re though and I’ll lose. my. shit.
    The baby goat in this pic is AHmazingly cute!
    *** And your and you’re. Oh, and I am the Queen of commas, I know this. Seriously, I know I can rip up the English language faster than a fat kid on a plate of brownies. J once suggested a writing class to me! Ha!Sonsabitch. Hey, I majored in art. Anyway, I don’t want to take the fun out of writing, so I just go with whatever … ~Laura

  10. Yabu says:

    Fucking-A…you need to get your ass up here for doxie-day.
    *** Ooooo I really do. ~Laura

  11. hoodyhoo says:

    I think it should be: “Freedom-hating Nazi-asshole Bunch O’ Bitches-motherfuckers.” Or use the abbreviation, “J.”
    *** HA! YEAH! ~Laura

  12. I am so happy to see you here! I was afraid no one would post bail in time for you to give us our daily dose ;)
    Glad you had a great day!
    *** HA! Girl, I always keep a bail-posting friend around. ~Laura

  13. LeeAnn says:

    Damn, you go to the bathroom and you miss something. Happy late birthday!!
    As to the Punc, I overuse both hyphens and that dot dot dot thing. But that’s how I think, with the thought just kind of petering out…
    Heh. She said “peter.”
    *** YOU DID SAY PETER! I love the dot dot dot thing… ~Laura

  14. Hmmmm…. freedom-hating Nazi asshole Bunch-O-Bitches motherfuckers. I guess that’s where I’d put the hyphens, but it’s totally subjective. Grammar is kind of a dick that way.
    *** Fuckin’-grammar! ~Laura

  15. Jena says:

    My grammer is h-o-r-r-e-n-d-o-u-s. I can’t-cannot remember any rules. So I guess in my world there isn’t-not any!
    So what big gift did ya get?
    *** It’s too awesome to tell right now! ~Laura

  16. Tim says:

    I think J said it all and I totally know where hes coming from.
    *** HA! ~Laura

  17. I love that “as soon as my lawyers say I can talk about it” too fun!
    *** It’s always too fun! ~Laura

  18. Curtal Friar says:

    Hmmm…
    You could design a shirt, like this maybe, and give it to every one of the bunch o’bitches:
    http://fountainabbey.wordpress.com/?attachment_id=13843
    Or, if you didn’t want to be so obvious, you could give them a shirt that reads THE BOBA FETT CLUB.
    They would think it’s cool that you identify them with a wicked cool bounty hunter type. They wouldn’t need to know that Boba Fett is an acronym that stands for:
    B unch
    O ‘
    B itches
    A sshole
    F reedom-
    E xtinguishing
    T heatrical
    T error
    Or something to that effect. Best I could come up with, considering it’s still too fucking early in the morning and my mind is still not fully fucking functional.
    Have a good day after your birthday. :D
    *** HAHAHA! And sprinkle itching powder in the shirts before I give them to them. ~Laura

  19. Curtal Friar says:

    Okay, how about this?
    Take something like this:
    http://images.amazon.com/images/P/B00005MEEY.01._SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg
    And put a bunch of small plastic women figures in there, with bitchy expressions, and rename the barrel “bunch o’bitches’. Or just “barrel of bitches”.
    If you know someone really artistic who can sculpt plastic pieces, you could make each figure look like one of the bitches in the office, and then have them on your desk. You could play with them when the bitches walk by.
    *** Ha! I may know an artist or two. ~Laura

  20. Barry says:

    Glad you had a great birthday. I can’t wait to hear the story since I don’t live in the area to read about it in the papers. Grammar sucks. Maybe because I never liked my English teachers. I think the rule should be as long as you’re understood, you did it correctly! Hyphenate, comma-ate, perio-date, punctuate. It’s all fucking good! Hell, it’s your blog… call it ART..!!
    *** YEAH! I’m gonna buy your English book! ~Laura

  21. AmyLynn says:

    I have no idea what your post says and it is all YOUR fault for distracting me with the cutest widdle goat EVAH
    I hate punctuation. I leave it out constantly
    But grammar? I guess I lean towards the Nazi side of correct grammar.
    GLAD you made bail…I looked for you on the news.
    I ALMOST FORGOT
    Did you see the old pics of Clooney posted lately?
    LONG HAIR
    crazy
    that is all
    *** YES! I saw them! I still love him, and I love baby goats. ~Laura

  22. Brea says:

    “Seriously, I know I can rip up the English language faster than a fat kid on a plate of brownies.”
    AHhahAHahahAHAHAhahAHA *GASP* AhahahahAHAHA *cough splutter*
    Grammar – ain’t that a southern female ancestor one generation removed from yerself??
    My kids call me a “Grammar Nazi”… but that only applies to them. I don’t correct others, just my kids. I don’t want them talkin’ like no freedom-hatin’ Nazi-motherfucker Sonsa-Bitches.
    *** HAHA! My mom was a Grammar Nazi believe it or not. ~Laura

  23. laughingmom says:

    I bet your English teacher loved you!
    *** You know what? All of my teachers loved me! Except the nuns. They really did and I wasn’t a suck-up or anything. ~Laura

  24. Adolf says:

    According to Strunk und White, you should haff used ellipses to represent J’s speechlessness rather zan un hyphen.
    **** HEIL! ~Laura

  25. Jan says:

    Oh, was there a post here? I got caught by the baby goat at the top and somehow didn’t notice anything else on the page. What a cutie!
    *** Baby goats will do that. ~Laura

  26. Stacy says:

    LOL! I don’t know anything about hyphens myself but I love that baby goat.
    *** Me too. ~Laura

  27. Joe the Blog Stalker says:

    I don’t think many people (non-assholes) care where the hyphens and commas go on your stories Laura. You tell great and funny stories and that’s all that counts.
    *** Well thanks, Joe. ~Laura

  28. Lawyers?!?
    Fuck those ass-tard, soul-eating, lucre-grubbing, Nazi-nomming fuckwads.
    Voodoo them with the zombie-goat horns of Freedom!
    And pictures. We want pictures.
    *** HA! ~ Laura

  29. CGHill says:

    I have to side with Larry on this one. “Freedom-hating” gets the hyphen because “freedom” technically modifies “hating.” (“Nazi” and “asshole,” however, are free-standing – note the hyphen – descriptives.)
    *** You’re hired! ~Laura

  30. Cinny says:

    Your cursing never confuses me.
    *** Ha! That’s good. ~laura

  31. Terri says:

    Loves me some baby goats. My grandmother had goats but she lived far away so I didn’t see them (her or the goats) often.
    You know you could make some money selling those plastic barrels o’ bitches. I’d buy it! Hell, I’d buy two.
    *** Ha! I gotta look into that. ~Laura

  32. Tink says:

    Cuss away.. it sets me free… although I only do it in private… or around my mother.. heehee. Don’t worry she’s worse than I am….It’s a great stress reliever… Just to yell FUCK! Please read that in 30 inch font!
    *** And with a British accent. ~Laura

  33. Princess says:

    English? All I can say is thank God for spell and grammar check!
    *** I never use it. Maybe I should, eh? ~Laura

  34. mel says:

    I think the whole thing gets hyphens. PS I’m high on valium and almost typed hymens.
    *** HAHA! You should have! ~Laura

  35. I think you should put hyphens in between each one of the words. Hyphens make curse words even more poignant, no?
    *** I’m thinking so too. ~Laura

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