Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/includes/class.layout.php on line 164

Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/includes/class.layout.php on line 167

Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/includes/class.layout.php on line 170

Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/includes/class.layout.php on line 173

Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/includes/class.layout.php on line 176

Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/includes/class.layout.php on line 178

Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/includes/class.layout.php on line 180

Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/includes/class.layout.php on line 202

Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/includes/class.layout.php on line 206

Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/includes/class.layout.php on line 214

Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/includes/class.layout.php on line 215

Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/includes/class.layout.php on line 217

Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/includes/class.layout.php on line 321

Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/includes/class.layout.php on line 321

Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/includes/class.layout.php on line 321

Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/includes/class.layout.php on line 321

Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/admin/class.options.metapanel.php on line 56

Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/admin/class.options.metapanel.php on line 56

Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/admin/class.options.metapanel.php on line 56

Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/admin/class.options.metapanel.php on line 56

Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/admin/class.options.metapanel.php on line 56

Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/admin/class.options.metapanel.php on line 56

Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/admin/class.options.metapanel.php on line 56

Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/admin/class.options.metapanel.php on line 56

Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/admin/class.options.metapanel.php on line 56

Warning: Creating default object from empty value in /home/jimstant/public_html/fetchmyflyingmonkeys/wp-content/themes/platformpro/admin/class.options.metapanel.php on line 49
The Dinosaur Diaries: Entry Two. *EDIT* | Fetch My Flying Monkeys
Everyone needs a fleet of flying monkeys to rip the stuffing out of the annoying people in their lives
— Laura

This incident involving my dinosaurs occurred Tuesday after I came home from work. The following is an accurate account of the incident to the best of my recollection.


 


The Incident


“JACK! What do you have?”


No response.


“JACK! Come here! Bring it to me.”


No response.


“Give it here, Jack!”


Runs in opposite direction with object in mouth.


“JACK! COME HERE!”


Runs away faster. I follow in hot pursuit.


“JACK! NO! DROP IT!”


Drops object as I bend to grab him. He immediately runs off to sniff the cat’s ass.


“DAMMIT JAAAACKKKK!”


No response.


“Get out of my house.”



Pachycephalosaurus

 

Rest in peace Pachycephalosaurus.

 

*EDIT*


A small graveside service was held for Pachycephalosaurus this afternoon. Honor guard was present for a four bazooka salute.



Funeral

46 Comments
 

46 Responses to The Dinosaur Diaries: Entry Two. *EDIT*

  1. Larry says:

    Look on the bright side, now you have one the kids can play with…
    *** HAHA! True, true. ~Laura

  2. Yabu says:

    How did he get it? Chair or table climbing? Doxies like altitude. Stretch-proofing my house is complex, it is amazing where that little fucker can get when no is looking. The Juju Woman believes he can fly.
    What is it made of? Did he gnaw it?
    *** Plastic resin. I think the cat knocked it down, unless the lil sucker can fly…that would explain so much… ~Laura

  3. Jennifer says:

    OH NO!!!! Jack is a dinosaur destroyer!
    *** Yes he is. ~Laura

  4. Princess says:

    This is obviously NOT Jack’s fault… Just what exactly did you do to piss him off? OR he was set up by Thelma! surely you can not be mad at him. Although I know you are distraught over the death of your Pachycephalosaurus, we can take up a collection to replace him… cuz we sure cant replace Jack! Poor little guy is probably more upset than you are…or not!
    *** I am pretty sure Thelma had a hand in it. And Jack was just being Jack. ~Laura

  5. One Crazed Chick says:

    Don’t let those animals fool ya!! They work together. I’m sure the cat thought Jack would share the treat but since Doxies don’t always play well with others, there was no chance he’d share. Poor dino!!
    *** Thelma and Jack are foes. I am sure Thelma was setting him up. ~Laura

  6. The Nickster says:

    You can rebuild him…you can make him better. Think “The Six Million Dollar Man”. Some simple bionics and a roll of duct tape are all you need. I believe in you.
    *** HA! ~Laura

  7. Tad says:

    Will glue help?
    *** Sadly, no. ~Laura

  8. lifeshighwy says:

    There is nothing sadder than a faceless dinosaur.
    *** Tragic. ~Laura

  9. garnet says:

    OH NO! When is the funeral?
    *** I’ll post it when I know. Donations to my Paypal in lieu of flowers was what he would have wanted also. ~Laura

  10. hoodyhoo says:

    NOOOOOOOOO! This cannot be happening! Jack would never betray us!
    *** Jack would sell us both to the Soviets for a Snausage. ~Laura

  11. Boneybutt says:

    Jack is just way too cute and sweet to destroy anything. Yeah, that’s it.
    *** Did he pay you to say that? ~Laura

  12. LeeAnn says:

    Jack is league with Crazy Betty. Or J. Or maybe both. Maybe Jack is possessed by the spirit of J. Have you ever seen them do something at the same time? Could be a clue. I suggest you call the Doxie Demon Whisperer. The number’s probably in the phone book.
    *** So Jack may be a Nazi, eh? Explains a lot… ~Laura

  13. Mr. Bingley says:

    This is the saddest post in the history of the Blogosphere.
    *** HAHA! I KNOW, right?! ~Laura

  14. Kim says:

    So sorry for your loss. What type of casserole does one send for a dinosaur funeral? Will it be a closed memorial or will all figurines be invited to attend?
    *** Arrangements have not been finalized. And I think squash casserole would be a good choice. ~Laura

  15. So now Jack is the Giant Killer??
    *** Well, let’s just say I don’t think a meteor destroyed the dinosaurs, it was probably a giant doxie. ~Laura

  16. Curtal Friar says:

    Hmm….I bet Jack’s thoughts were something along these lines:
    “Kings of the earth, my ass. I’ll show this dino bastard how we do things downtown.”
    *** Or ” chew chew chew chew chew SQUIRREL! chew chew chew…” ~Laura

  17. Steph says:

    I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m going to see if Hallmark has any “sorry your stupid pet chewed your toy dinosaur to death” sympathy cards, stat.
    Also? I’m going to change my dinner plans for tonight because of this tragedy. No chicken nugget dino bites for my kids on this day.
    *** HA! Yes, out of respect. ~Laura

  18. Jena says:

    Awww im so sorry the dino went extinct again.
    And yes, the cat HAD to have knocked it down cos that was Jack’s reward.
    *** Yeah, as in “Here, choke on this dog.” Thelma’s evil. `Laura

  19. rdennis says:

    “Good boy Jack, you saved your mistress from that evil Nazi dinosaur who was pretending to be a nice dinosaur and shit like that. Now, go ask her for a treat. Good boy. Good, boy! Who’s a goo boy? Whoooo’s a gooo boy? You is!”
    *** I am packing him up now and sending him to you. ~Laura

  20. Jena says:

    Here’s an idea. paint the chewed parts to make it look bloody or use some red polymer clay and make some guts spilling out or recreate the injured parts to a new look.
    *** HAHA! ~Laura

  21. patti says:

    numnumnumnum…
    *** And he was very proud of his work. ~Laura

  22. Erik says:

    Somehow the dinosaur was knocked off its perch and Jack got it? Hmmm…I suspect that he had an accomplice. I suggest you interrogate the cat until it sings.
    I thought the hard head of the Pachycephalosaurus would have protected it? At least it wasn’t the T-Rex….
    *** That’s the first thing J asked when I told him Jack ate a dino “OH NO! It wasn’t the T-Rex was it??” I said “NO Thank God.” And yes Thelma is the number one suspect. ~Laura

  23. DMerriman says:

    Maybe THAT’S what happened to the dinosaurs – eaten/mangled by giant flying weinerdogs.
    *** Oh, I wouldn’t doubt it a bit. Ha! ~Laura

  24. Stacy says:

    NOOO! That’s so sad.
    *** Yes, it is. ~Laura

  25. Nooo! That’s aweful! Bad Jack!
    *** He is a very bad dog. ~Laura

  26. Barry says:

    Maybe Thelma was watching a little TV while you were out. Like “The revenge of Kitty Galore” and devised a plan to rid herself of that evil dog Jack. It was all a setup. That poor dog probably never saw it coming. Jack needs to watch more TV. Sorry for your loss.
    *** Ha! Thanks… and I know Thelma did it, she’s tried to kill him before. ~Laura

  27. Brea says:

    I know that doxies are very protective of their owners, but this is ridiculous. Just plain sad.
    Just how sure are you that the dinosaur wasn’t planning some kind of mass mutiny amongst the lizards? I’ll just bet that Jack got wind of it and begged Thelma to give him a paw in toppling this coup before you got hurt.
    Poor baby. Blamed by his mama for saving her life…
    OR, he’s a total nazi with a dinosaur fetish. Either way, I’d keep a close eye on him, if’n I was you!
    *** Ha! I think I’ll go with the nazi theory. ~Laura

  28. nightfly says:

    My moppet does this too, only with laundry (preferably dirty socks, but clean are fine). You spy her nibbling on one out of the corner of her mouth, playing coy.
    “What are you doing, puppers?”
    /Who me? Nothing. I am NOT looking directly at you while trying to hide your only beige dress socks under my paws./
    …takes step toward dog.
    /…suddenly gobbles at sock like Cookie Monster with a box of Oreos/
    DAMMIT!
    /…runs behind coffee table with half a sock hanging from her bulging cheek/
    We love her and all, but we have no idea how she still manages to find our socks. I think she must be the one who operates the magic portal that sucks the one missing sock out of the dryer.
    ** HAHA! Ask her where my favorite blue cashmere left sock is will ya? ~Laura

  29. George says:

    Bury him in the sand. In a few thousand years, his plastic resin bones will be priceless!
    *** HAHA! And scientist can wonder what happened to his face and tail… ~Laura

  30. CGHill says:

    Which demonstrates Jack’s overall high level of composure: having destroyed the Invading Prehistoric Creature, and having been threatened with expulsion from his home, he nonetheless finds the time to sniff the cat’s ass.
    *** HAHA! It’s his favorite hobby. ~Laura

  31. Jan says:

    Dino had it coming. He was getting uppity, so Jack took him down the appropriate number of notches. Go Jack!
    *** A lot of notches. ~Laura

  32. AmyLynn says:

    ok
    1) Face and tail are the best parts
    2) The cat orchestrated it all–trust me
    3) I want some squash casserole
    4) What is the plan to prevent future cat/dog/dinosaur tragedies?
    heeee
    that is all
    *** The plan to protect the rest of the herd sf to put them in a locked curio cabinet behind glass. It’s the only way to be sure. Mmm I want some squash casserole too… ~Laura

  33. Liz says:

    Oh how very sad. I cried. Jack was only trying to protect you! (That’s how I was supposed to say it, right Jack?) :-)
    *** Oh, I see Jack’s been emailing again asking people to side with him. ~Laura

  34. cbullitt says:

    Well, I heard they were remaking “Jack the Giant Killer,” but I didn’t know they started casting already.
    I knew he was destined for greatness.
    Well, at least while you’re in Hollywood, you can sic him on that WHORE.
    *** Oooo HELLS YEAH! He can chew her face off….wait…what? ~Laura

  35. Kim says:

    This is very disconcerting. You see, I got home yesterday and Dot had kilt the toilet plunger. It was a fancy one with a white handle and the heavy duty DINOSAURIC type rubber plunger part. She murdered it and it’s now a fetch toy. Does Jack have email or a phone or anything? I question whether they’ve been mentally telepathizing. At least my loss was only a tool and not a beloved, you know, thingie there. Condolences.
    *** Ha! I wouldn’t doubt if they emailed or something. ~Laura

  36. zonker says:

    Mmmmmmmmm…dinosaur bacon.
    *** NOOOOooo ~Laura

  37. garnet says:

    OH MY GOD!! Best funeral EVER! LMAO @ their black armbands and the honor guard! LOL!!
    *** It was short notice… ~Laura

  38. Nancy in Iowa says:

    You know, I really sense a strong connection between J and Jack. Are they 2 aspects of the same personality?
    *** Well Jack IS German and J IS a Nazi…so…. ~Laura

  39. Jena says:

    Did Jack do the hole digging as his contribution? It will be funny if it shows back up in the house!
    *** Then he’ll be prosecuted for grave robbery. ~Laura

  40. Jeffro says:

    Pachycephalosaurus should be honored. Not every dino who died got such an impressive international contingent at their funeral.
    *** I know, right?! Ha! ~Laura

  41. Tad says:

    You crack me up. I hope Betty didn’t see you out there. she’ll be calling the men in the white coats on you!AH! You crack me up!!!!!!!!
    *** So, I take it you like the funeral pic? ~Laura

  42. Elphaba says:

    So sorry for your loss! I had no idea that doxies were at the top of the dinosaur food chain. Who’da thunk it? At any rate, I sincerely hope that the dinosaur’s face isn’t lodged in Jack’s appendix. (Wait…do dogs have appendixes? *ponders*)
    *** Ha! I think Jack faired best in this encounter. He’ll be fine. ~Laura

  43. Yabu says:

    If Stretch had known about the graveyard service in advance, he would’ve sent some fighter jets down to do a flyover.
    *** HAHA! It was a quick ceremony, nothing fancy. ~Laura

  44. lifeshighway says:

    A moving tribute for a fallen dinosaur. Let’s hope Jack does not discover the grave site.
    *** Let’s hope not, he’ll break his parole. ~Laura

  45. Rita says:

    I read your stuff and I hear over and over again that great quote from Field of Dreams. NO, Not that one, the other one.
    I’ll give you a hint. It was James Earl Jones.
    Got it now?
    *** “I’m going to beat you with a crowbar until you leave.” That one? Because I have said that before. ~Laura

  46. mel says:

    You know this is how they became extinct in the first place, right?
    Giant Wiener Dogs.
    *** Then Jack is true to his breed. ~Laura

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

*

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>