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I really hope the Lexus people don’t start putting goats in their commercials. | Fetch My Flying Monkeys
Everyone needs a fleet of flying monkeys to rip the stuffing out of the annoying people in their lives
— Laura

I had to shop for another alarm clock because the one I have seems to have taken a beating lately because I suffer from insomnia and when I do sleep, it always seems to be right before the alarm goes off and I’m not a happy camper and it mysteriously ends up on the floor. So I was looking online and quite by accident I ran upon an article about Light Therapy. At first I thought “What kind of hippy voodoo bullshit is this?” but the more I read it, the more sense it made. I starting clicking links and eventually I came to THIS. I then looked at the price and thought “Holy Shit!” I was about to click back out, but thought I’d play the video first.


 



 


ROOSTER SCIENCE YA’LL! And did you see the goat? My alarm light arrives tomorrow. This one will definitely not end up on the floor.

38 Comments
 

38 Responses to I really hope the Lexus people don’t start putting goats in their commercials.

  1. Jennifer says:

    I want one! Let me know if it works before I spend that kind of money.
    *** They have a 45 day money back quarantee. That’s plenty of time to see if it does. There’s a cheaper one, but it doesn’t have the dusk simulation to help put you to sleep. ~Laura

  2. Holly says:

    AWESOME!!!! FRIKKING CHICKEN SCIENCE AWESOMENESS!
    We had one of these alarms for D in the HOPE it would get him up in time, it was a complete failure, the only alarm we have ever had which actually worked at getting us up is the old fashioned ding-a-ling-a-ling alarm with the little hammer and two bells. Without fail that baby gets us up and I’m never grouchy about it :)
    *** Oh my regular alarm makes me grouchy. This one you can d/l whatever sound you want the alarm to be. I’m looking forward to seeing if it helps. OMG insomnia SUCKS. ~Laura

  3. Michelle says:

    I hear these things are wonderful. I hope you have success with yours and I hope you are able to sleep better.
    Have a great weekend my Queen.
    *** I hope it helps. And you have a great weekend too, my royal subject. HA! ~Laura

  4. Other Crazed Chick says:

    The only thing that gets me up @ 3AM IN THE MORNING. (sorry) is the good ole radio talk show. OMG I get out of bed and SMACK that thing as hard as I can. I hate other people in my room when I’m sleeping……
    *** It’s not that I can’t wake up- any alarm can wake me- it’s that I need a more human sleep pattern- my internal clock needs adjusting. It has a dusk fade-out and then a morning fade-in. Worth a try for the price of one prescription of Ambien. ~Laura

  5. Princess says:

    I have a dog that comes in every morning between 5:30 and 6:00 am and licks me in the face…(I shower) apparently he feels this is bone time. He has to have a bone cookie. I dont mind except on the weekends. I try to sleep toward the middle of the bed so he cant reach me but then he just whines until he gets his cookie… Bastard!
    *** Well, my animals are used to ME being up at all hours so they need readjusting too if my pattern ever gets fixed. ~Laura

  6. TAD says:

    That sounds like a really cool clock. Please do let us know how it works. If it works…. It surely should for that kinda $$. Or I’d be throwing (it) across the room.
    *** No no, you ship it back up for a refund. It has a guarantee. ~Laura

  7. Imagination says:

    Why come Royals have to get up before they want to. Somehow, that defeats the whole “Queen” thing. you shouldn’t have to get up at the butt crack of dawn your Royal Hiney… I mean your Majesty…yeah that’s what I meant. Good luck, I hope it works for ya! Sounds like a nice way to wake up.
    *** Royals want to sleep. Believe me. I hope it works too. ~Laura

  8. January Blue says:

    If it works then you have to write the company and tell them. Maybe they will send you a case of these things and you can give us all one…….. Wishing U luck and sweet dreams.
    *** Ha! If they send me a case I certainly will give them away on here. Thanks. ~Laura

  9. garnet says:

    Laura! Laura! I have one of these! YES! They do work! I should have told you about it before. You will love it! You will feel like a Queen!
    *** OFF WITH YOUR HEAD for not letting me know. Ha! ~Laura

  10. lifeshighwy says:

    I want that cool job where you set up rooster science. Those guys look really committed to their project and celebrated a whole lot more than ghost busters. I wonder how you get on the rooster research team.
    I heard on the News this morning that your Bo has malaria.
    *** Yes, I heard about my Boo and he needs to know that WHORES spread malaria nd he needs to get the hell away from that disease-ridden WHORE. Oh and yes, I’d like to be a rooster scientist person but I’m afraid I’d get fired because I’d be off playing with the goats and not attending to my rooster science research. ~Laura

  11. MorningGlory says:

    I heard about the malaria thing … I’m so sorry that your Boo is sick. They said he caught it on a trip to Sudan; we all know he caught it from that WHORE. You should dress in your best Florence Nightingale attire and go nurse him back to health!
    *** I like the way you think. I shall make you one of my advisors. ~Laura

  12. hoodyhoo says:

    I am actually such a dumbass that I once bought an alarm clock that you turned off with sound — like the Clapper, but you were supposed to whistle at it. Well, you may not know this, but it’s virtually IMPOSSIBLE to WHISTLE when you first wake up… but I found the noise the clock made when it hit the wall would also turn it off…
    *** HAHAHA! Man oh man, that would have pissed me off to no end too. ~Laura

  13. Jena says:

    Thats cool! Are you going to keep a regular alarm as back up? My insomnia is both can’t fall asleep and then I wake up a LOT during the night, about 30-60x. Under 10 is normal. (3 sleep studies, not rooster science)
    I had a per rooster just like that one. I would strap leather to my arm and go walking with him there. Ha!
    *** HA! You and your attack rooster. It has a sound alarm in it. I’m in this for the light therapy aspect. I’ve had sleep studies too, they just looked for apnea.Most of it is voodoo science, so going in the rooster direction isn’t really that odd. ~Laura

  14. The Nickster says:

    I have my pet monkey crack a beer at 3am and it works like a charm. You don’t need an opposable thumb to crack a beer. FACT.
    *** You also don’t need an opposable thumb to throw poo, and that’s what monkeys do. Be sure to wipe the top before you drink is all I’m sayin’. ~Laura

  15. I do hope this helps you sleep better. I remember messing around with the hen house at my grandparents’ farm. One time my cousin and I sealed off all the windows and cracks, and since it was pitch dark in the hen house, the rooster was very late crowing.
    Yes, it was worth the beating :D
    *** Ha! We had chickens back home in Kentucky. They were murderous assholes. ~Laura

  16. Yabu says:

    I have a Stretch alarm…never fails, the problem is, you can’t turn it off.
    *** Does he burrow his head really, really hard against the side of your face like Jack does? ~Laura

  17. Erik says:

    Waking up at 3AM? I have little kids, so that kind of makes me an expert, not that anyone asks how I stay sane and awesome.
    I will have to check out the video when I get home, cause the work Nazis block youtube.
    Todays SoCal suggestion: Laguna Beach is a nice area to walk around with lots of shops and gallerys and right there at the beach. They have a BJ’s Chicago Pizza there, so I never checked out other restaurants in the area, but they are there. Depending on the time of year, they have the Pagent of the Masters, which you should definitely look into.
    *** The important question: Will George Clooney be there? ~Laura

  18. Sue Dunham says:

    Anyone who has actually spent time around roosters knows they don’t just crow at dawn. They do it any old time, night and day.
    *** Finally we are hearing from a real rooster scientist! Yeah, I know the video was made for fun…I just hope the light wasn’t. I’ll have 45 days to find out. ~Laura

  19. patti says:

    1) Boo shoulda took his antimalarial pills!
    2) That rooster was saying “HEY! it 3 f’n AM turn off the damn light!”
    3) Does the new alarm play banjo music because THAT would be freaking awesome!
    *** I may d/l me some nbanjo music on it! ~Laura

  20. Yabu says:

    Stretch Alarm
    Alarm 1: A low whine
    Snooze 2: Pawing
    Snooze 3: Atomic Drop head slam
    Snooze 4: Loud-ass barking
    Nobody can sleep through that.
    *** Ha! It must be a thing with doxies- that head slamming thing. They will bruise a person up. Surprising how strong they are. ~Laura

  21. Jeffro says:

    Roosters (and chickens) are shitting assholes. Fact.
    *** And they will kill you and eat your eyes first. Another Fact. ~Laura

  22. Lemon Stand says:

    I’m not going to tell you about my alarm clock’s demise or the obituary I wrote for it… nor about it’s resurrection when the husband got back from the gulf. Who KNEW he’d be THAT attached to the damn thing!
    I AM going to tell you that the light WORKS. Mine doesn’t have an alarm clock and is a floor lamp model… but it WORKS… yeah, yeah, yeah… I know… OFF WITH MY HEAD…
    *** HAHA! So it works eh? That’s all I want to know…your head is spared btw. ~Laura

  23. Jan says:

    I have the Verilux version. Same idea, different shape. I have it play the rain storm sounds with the light. I still need to have a regular alarm as backup, but it sure makes it easier to get up at oh-dark-thirty in the morning.
    *** I hope this one works. ~Laura

  24. Jan says:

    Oh, and what the hell is Georgie doing in fucking Sudan? They kill people there for being the wrong race and wearing the wrong clothes and stupid shit like that. He should stop pretending that he’s more than just a pretty face.
    *** He’s all about helping Darfur and stopping the genocide, girl. But he does need to come here where it’s safer. The worst he’ll get is a sore back…wait..what? ~Laura

  25. Larry says:

    If I had a rooster crowing at me at 3 AM, I’d have to use some shotgun science on him.
    Only it would have to be around noon because I work nights.
    My wife could sleep through any alarm but the phone would wake her up instantly.
    *** Then you could have BBQ chicken wings. Only two though. ~Laura

  26. llama says:

    Considering you have an iPhone, there is a free iTunes app that simulates this. But the video for it is less scientific and there is no goat in it. It doesn’t seem as bright as the light you ordered but it looks like it could do the job as well.
    Wake-up Lite By Pico Brothers
    Video – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bD_vcSsGMuc
    Description
    Wake-up Lite helps you start your day full of energy, the same way you do on a bright summer morning.
    How does it work
    The Wake-up light starts producing light 30 min before your wake-up time. During this time the light brightens at an optimum rate. When the light falls on your eyes it sends a signal to your brain to increase the production of cortisone which is also referred to as the energy hormone.
    Tips
    Best results are achieved with a dock style charger, that allows the iPhone to stand up. Note! You need to keep the application open in order for it to wake you up. The application will not go to sleep. It is therefore recommended that you have the iPhone connected to a charger to avoid draining the battery. For best sunrise effect, tune the iPhone brightness as high as possible and enable automatic brightness. If you want the black night screen to be less bright in the night, turn off the lights in the room so it is as dark as possible, press the iPhone lock button, then lock it up again. Now the brightness is lower, but will be at maximum at wake-up.
    *** I had seen that..but opted for a brighter light, plus iTunes didn’t have a rooster and a goat advertising it. Ha! ~Laura

  27. CGHill says:

    So basically, if you want a cock to perform ahead of schedule, you need some highly-specialized equipment?
    **** HAHA! Apparently so. ~Laura

  28. Janie Jones says:

    Awesome! I need one of these, because though I can get up to my alarm, I never feel like I got enough sleep if I get up before the sun no matter how early I went to sleep the night before. And, as you can imagine up here in the great white north it is still dusky at 7:45 am when I’m walking the spud to school.
    *** You must get one! ~Laura

  29. Nicole says:

    I hate it when marketing figures out my weak spots.
    *** I KNOW! Ugh! ~Laura

  30. Elphaba says:

    Lemme just tell you about roosters. They crow at all hours of the fuckin’ day and night. It doesn’t appear to have much to do with actual daylight. Or maybe it is because it is always dawn *somewhere*. Suffice it to say, it’s obnoxious as hell.
    I am curious to know how well your wake-up light works, though, even if their rooster science is faulty.
    *** I have had it two days now…and it has worked so far. AND no jarring awake! ~Laura

  31. Nikki Rules says:

    I totally had a light alarm clock in Jr High! It was so cool! I would dream my friends were disco dancing in front of the huge flashing light mocking me. And then if I didn’t wake up fast enough this MOST annoying loud buzzer would jolt me up. It was the best… sigh.
    **** HAHA! disco dancing. ~Laura

  32. Tink says:

    That Mouse infestation was just to freaky. I sooooo couldn’t live there. no fucking way!
    *** I bought you a house there. ~Laura

  33. Jena says:

    way cool that the light works fo far and hells yea on the no jarring awake! Keep us posted!
    *** I will. ~Laura

  34. Wiccapundit says:

    Elphaba is right, roosters crow any damn time, day or night. It’s like they’re saying: “Hey, I’m a big cock! I can crow whenever I damn well please.”
    Until they end up in the stew pot.
    *** Were all bragging cocks should end up…wait…what? ~Laura

  35. Glen says:

    That was hilarious!! A much better use of our research money than the life cycle of the snail darter or the barred owl. They actually produced results. They obviously have no idea how to milk a research grant.
    *** I thought it was brilliant! ~Laura

  36. That video was hysterical! I loved how all the guys were huddled around the monitors waiting to see if Simon crowed!
    I hope your light works, just try not to throw it across the room!
    *** It does work! Amazingly well. And no more getting startled out of sleep…but I do crow now, which is kinda weird. ~Laura

  37. Kimberly says:

    I have had the worst insomnia lately…I’m awake from 1 to 4 or 2 to 5 and the alarm goes off at 6. I’m crabby about it :(
    *** Okay, seriously, I haven’t had insomnia since about the 2nd night I used this clock. Fact, and knock on wood. ~Laura

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