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At least this time it wasn’t food crumbs stuck to me that I diagnosed as melanoma. | Fetch My Flying Monkeys
Everyone needs a fleet of flying monkeys to rip the stuffing out of the annoying people in their lives
— Laura

I got in late tonight (I write these entries the night before in case you’re wondering-and I know you were) and once again I don’t have much time before I need to get my ass to bed but I want to tell you all about what happened earlier when I went to take a shower. I undressed and as I looked in the mirror I noticed a red circle on the side of one of my boobs and I was all “WHAT the fuck is that now?” The only thing I could figure was that I had ringworm. Jesus Christ, where did I get ringworm? I probably got it from one of my pets and that means they will all need to go to the vet and I really don’t have the money for that especially with Christmas coming up. DAMMIT TO HELL. Then I told myself that I would call my dermatologist in the morning so I could start treating it. Shit. I bet the ointment is going to be expensive. As I turned to get in the shower my toe caught one of the straps of my bra that I had thrown on the floor while undressing and something clinked onto the tile. What the…I reached down and picked up a quarter, then held it next to my “ringworm.” A perfect fit. Suddenly it all became very clear. Earlier in the day I had gotten a bottle of water out of the machine and it gave me back a quarter and I put it in my bra. So my body may be racked with rabies, but at least I’m ringworm-free.

36 Comments
 

36 Responses to At least this time it wasn’t food crumbs stuck to me that I diagnosed as melanoma.

  1. Michelle says:

    Bless your heart! One must assume you had no pockets. It must be a long way from the vending machine to your office if you couldn’t just carry the quarter. Perhaps your wardrobe needs some pockets.
    Hope your rabies goes away soon. Have you had that shot yet?
    *** I don’t know why I put it in my bra. I don’t even remember what I was doing that I couldn’t carry a quarter or put in my pocket or if I even had pockets. I think rabies effects your memory. Oh, and it’s too late for the shot. I think. ~Laura

  2. Jennifer says:

    LMAO! You and your diseases!
    *** I know! I’m a medical mess! I think. HA! ~Laura

  3. Barbie says:

    GAWD! What are we going to do with you. Just What!
    *** Send me a ticket to California? ~Laura

  4. Tad says:

    HA! Ringworm. That will teach ya! using your Boobs for a change purse. Those are supposed to be “Dollars” in there not quarters. HA!
    *** Dude, not when I strip- they want change. ~Laura

  5. December Bride says:

    OK! got in late? Christmas is coming? Found $$ in your Bra… Just what were you doing last night girl?
    ** I don’t know, but apparently I wasn’t very good at it. ~Laura

  6. Larry says:

    Ringworm free AND you have a quarter, so that’s a bonus.
    It didn’t even occur to me to question why you put that quarter there. Maybe the brain rabies is contagious?
    *** A rabid mind doesn’t hold the knowledge of ‘why’ you do something stupid, just that you do. ~Laura

  7. garnet says:

    I imagine I have a horrible disease all the time and it always turns out to be a quarter in my bra!
    *** Ha! Yeah, I’m a tad of a hypochondriac too. Just a tad though. (SHUT UP.) ~Laura

  8. hoodyhoo says:

    Seriously, you can’t go around carrying change in your bra. People will think you’re a really bad stripper.
    *** Oh I’d be a terrible stripper. I’d stumble around and fall off the pole. It would be tragic. ~Laura

  9. The Nickster says:

    I was hoping for a photo.
    *** HA! I could render you drawing. Ha! ~Laura

  10. Belinda says:

    If it weren’t for the quarter, I’d say boob rabies. I go out with little old ladies and you SAY you were out late and only got a quarter. I’d say you’re worth a little more. Just as I was the baby last night, I’m sure you were last too!
    *** Oh, you should have went last night. It was EPIC. And, I am always the youngest in the crowd as you know. Ha! ~Laura

  11. Heather says:

    I once went to the doctor and a quarter fell out of my bra! The doctor asked if that was his tip!
    *** HAHA! I would have said yes and handed it to him. ~Laura

  12. Jena says:

    So do the pets get a treat for the near miss of having the almost blame of ringworms?
    *** These animals are spoiled beyond belief as it is. ~Laura

  13. Joe the Blog Stalker says:

    Photo or it didn’t happen.
    *** HAHA! ~Laura

  14. Mr. Bingley says:

    A penny for your thoughts and a quarter for your boobs.
    *** Not enough for either. ~Laura

  15. John D says:

    I usually find my extra loose change in the couch, but whatever works for you… Either way, it’s a windfall right before Christmas.
    *** I KNOW! It’s like a Christmas Miracle. ~Laura

  16. Holly says:

    A-ha the EXACT same thing happened to me yesterday, okay maybe not exact same but I had a mark/lump by my boob and was whimpering in bed last night totally convinced it was cancer only to find out this morning nope the side of my bra had snapped and cut into me and sliced a nice piece into my shoulder (which I discovered in the shower) I sympathise with you stupid bras they should make them better and maybe install a coin purse too.
    *** YES! They should be made stronger and a change purse. Then we’d put on a blouse and see that lump. It’s a lose- lose situation really. ~Laura

  17. Hubby wants you to send a pic of it, so he can give you a professional opinion, free of charge. Better safe than sorry.
    Trust him, he’s a doctor ;)
    *** Oh hell noes! The last Internet doctor I showed a pic of my tata to ended up on a website for the tata challenged. ~Laura

  18. Erik says:

    You are ringworm free, and quarter richer than you thought! God blesses us all! (Shameless Scrooge plug)
    Lucky you didn’t get more than a quarter back, or you might have thought it was hives or something else.
    *** OR LEPROSY!!! I think I may have that too. ~Laura

  19. Yabu says:

    “Quarter in the Bra” would be a great name for a Punk Band. You should copyright it.
    *** And “The Ringworm Free Band.” ~Laura

  20. Mr. Bingley says:

    No no no! The other name for a quarter is “two bits”…
    *** Ha! Here the southern term is “case quarter.” Isn’t that weird? ~Laura

  21. Stacy says:

    One of my coworkers uses her bra as pockets, but she puts her cell phone there. Square boob, not attractive. I’m sure no one ever asks her to use her phone though.
    *** Ewww boob cooties! But, amn, a phone is way too big to be shoving in there, unless she have big tatas I reckon. ~Laura

  22. MorningGlory says:

    One time, I took my sister out to lunch for her birthday and when the bill came I couldn’t find my debit card. I looked EVERYWHERE! She ended up buying both of our lunches, and I finally found the debit card that night when I got undressed. I had stopped for gas and did like you did with the quarter.
    *** Ha! You probably had your account number imprinted on a boob, and thought “OMG WTF are those numbers? Did aliens abduct me and put a barcode on my boob?” Or something like that. ~Laura

  23. Blue Sky says:

    You should have rendered a drawing.
    *** I would have just drawn a quarter. ~Laura

  24. Jeffro says:

    Your thumb rabies probably forced your hand to put the quarter there. Damn thumb rabies.
    *** I bet you’re right! Damn thumb rabies. ~Laura

  25. rdennis says:

    Hey little girl, want a quarter? ;-)
    *** Ha! You say that like a pro. ~Laura

  26. Scbinny says:

    Square boob quarter bra, new cartoon
    *** That’s a good one. ~ Laura

  27. SB Smith says:

    We don’t get to know if the imprint on your boob had the heads or tails on it ?
    *** HEADS!! Ha! ~Laura

  28. Nancy in Iowa says:

    Yeah, yeah, that’s almost as frightening as the time I raced 2 miles to my sister’s house to have her remove a deadly tick from my backside only to learn it was just a mole – people mole, not the creepy ones underground.
    *** HA! Imagine if it was a creepy underground mole attached to ya! ~Laura

  29. Curtal Friar says:

    Blue Sky said: “You should have rendered a drawing.”
    And you said: “*** I would have just drawn a quarter.”
    And I say:
    Nah, don’t draw just a quarter, that’s no fun and doesn’t use much imagination, of which you have tons and can do much better than just drawing a quarter.
    You draw stick figures, why not stick boobs? C’mon, be creative!
    *** HA! My boobs, drawn or otherwise will not be making an appearance on this here blog. Besides, they would be stick boobs if I stayed honest in the detailing. Ha! ~Laura

  30. Elphaba says:

    Glad it wasn’t ringworm.
    BTW, Laura, I like your Xmas banner, but you know what it needs? More goat!
    *** I KNOW! Everything is better with more goat!! ~Laura

  31. Nicole says:

    Once that change gets warm you forget about it. I had a friend in high school and she was OMG huge. We’d do things like work at RenFairs and you have no pockets. So her change went in the bra. She’d get home and dollars of change would fall out. I was never quite that bad.
    *** Did she grow uP to be a stripper? Because I bet she could make a lot of money. ~Laura

  32. CGHill says:

    So if you trip over six bras a night, you should have $10.50 after a week, right? (Put it into your Goat Fund.)
    *** Your business science is fantastic! ~Laura

  33. PottyGirl says:

    Your gonna have to work a little harder cuz .25 is not gonna buy much Goat Chow!
    *** I know ; ( ~Laura

  34. Johnny Utah says:

    Same thing happened to me but change “boob” with “symmetrically between both butt cheeks”
    *** Ha! You put a quater in your crack? ~Laura

  35. Charlie says:

    But what if the quarterreally did give you ringworm???
    *** My head just exploded with that thought. Maybe I SHOULD call my dermatologist. ~Laura

  36. Jan says:

    I dropped a hazelnut down my shirt the other day, but it didn’t make a mark or give me skin rabies. On the other hand, snack for later.
    *** Storage. ~Laura

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