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I’m an environmentalist and didn’t even know it. | Fetch My Flying Monkeys
Everyone needs a fleet of flying monkeys to rip the stuffing out of the annoying people in their lives
— Laura


Plant a Tree Wine


I use a lot of wine when cooking and let’s face it, once a bottle is open it’s best to finish it, so I do. Of course I use wine in almost everything and sometimes I wake up on the kitchen floor to the shrill sound of smoke alarms, but all good cooks do. They just don’t show that on the Food Network.


Anyway, I think there’s a whole forest planted somewhere in my name. I’m like Johnny Fucking Appleseed or something. Yeah. I am an environmentalist extraordinaire. And just imagine if the Circus Peanut people took a cue from these folks and offered to, say, save a dolphin for every bag eaten. Hell, I’d win the Nobel Prize for single-handedly saving the planet and I’d accept it then later sell it on Ebay to support my “cooking” addiction because that’s what all Nobel Prize winners do. They just don’t show that on the Discovery Channel.


Now here’s a drawing I rendered for you all simply because my Sharpies were sitting nearby:



Dolphin Ride 


I call it “The Danger of Environmentalism” or “Dolphins Are Murderous Assholes.” Always remember, don’t cook and ride dolphins.

40 Comments
 

40 Responses to I’m an environmentalist and didn’t even know it.

  1. Jennifer says:

    I’m an environmentalist too!! lol I really do like your renderings, so keep your Sharpies there.
    *** Thanks. Sometimes the mood just hits me, usually after I cook. ~Laura

  2. Tad says:

    I always get confused, is Flipper a Dolphin or a Porpoise. Which one is on most restaurant menus? That picture is too funny. You really should have an art show displaying all your great works. You’d be rich! too funny.
    *** Flipper is a murderous asshole. And HA! on an art show. ~Laura

  3. Joe the Blog Stalker says:

    I like to cook and I’m enough inland not to have many dolphin run-ins.
    *** HA! You are very lucky. ~Laura

  4. garnet says:

    Excellent PSA!
    *** Thank you, I try to always educate. ~Laura

  5. Belinda says:

    Save a dolphin? Couldn’t we use that money to find your goat (that J won’t go look for) or maybe save an otter OR even better, create an emergency for a Michael Kors purse? Maybe even an otter or further stick science, find a cure for your brain rabies? I think I’ll make sure you have a great supply of sharpies as these drawings are just way too good (hate for you to run out)!
    *** Oh, a person can never have too many Sharpies. ~Laura

  6. Shelly says:

    LOVE your drawings! Damn those dolphins always killing a good cooking buzz! LOL!
    *** I know, right?! ~Laura

  7. Heather says:

    I plant a forrest every weekend!
    *** You’re an environmentalist too! ~Laura

  8. Karen G. says:

    Hey, you could have rode a dolphin to the Outer Banks!
    *** Umm yeah, but it would have murdered me before crossing the S.C./N.C. border and I didn’t want to be murdered before even starting my vacation because that would have sucked. ~Laura

  9. Jade says:

    You should make educational books from your drawings.
    *** I really should. I have so much to teach everyone. ~Laura

  10. Jena says:

    Has anybody ever found where those “trees” are actually planted? I have always wondered when I see companies offer that.
    *awesome rendering! You need to “cook” more* Ha!
    *** Exactly, I guess they figure people would be too drunk to go look or even question it. And thank you. ~Laura

  11. Lauren says:

    I love your drawings and I love cooking and I love your Christmas banner!
    *** Thank you. ~Laura

  12. Holly says:

    Ha! love your “cooking” addiction!
    *** Me too. It’s very tasty, what I can remember anyway. ~Laura

  13. cbullitt says:

    I am pimping this–like you need my feeble traffic. Actually I would have already, but having to leave for work got in my way. Just a little art thievery and we’ll be good to go.
    *** All attention is good except when it’s bad. Rule number one in the Attention Whore Handbook. ~Laura

  14. patti says:

    I’ve got the “don’t cook” part down pat.
    *** I love to cook. Even without wine. ~Laura

  15. Curtal Friar says:

    Hmm….I wonder if the dolphin, as it watches you sinking and breathing out your last few bubbles of air, would take time to say “goodbye and thanks for all the fish.”
    If they started planting a tree every time you bought a beer, I’d be a major environmentalist. Especially if it were Guinness.
    *** I like Guinness too. We’d have a rain forest. ~Laura

  16. John D says:

    Al Gore would be very proud. And FYI, Flipper was a shark wearing a dolphin costume (shark actors work cheaper than dolphins). The show got canceled because he ate that kid who starred in it.
    *** Ha! Now that I would have watched even if it were pay per view. ~Laura

  17. jean s. says:

    I never ride a dolphin drunk, that’s just asking to be murdered.
    *** Exactly. And don’t ride a drunk dolphin either. ~Laura

  18. Sandy says:

    I once had a dolphin try to kill me!! lol
    *** They are murderous assholes. ~Laura

  19. Emerald Eyes says:

    You should have your own reality show like Ed Begley, Jr.
    *** A cooking show. ~Laura

  20. CGHill says:

    And even when they’re not murderous, they’re lustful, and they’ll try to have their way with you – and they can still murder you after the fact. Definite assholes – or should that be “blowholes”?
    *** Murderous rapists, yes. ~Laura

  21. Becky says:

    LOL Your drawings are priceless! I love your Christmas banner.
    *** Thanks. ~Laura

  22. I love to cook with wine!! Sometimes, I even bother to put it in the food!!!!
    *** Ha! Yes, sometimes mine doesn’t make it in either. ~Laura

  23. Erik says:

    So I’m listening to the best of Supertramp, and go and check Fetch My Flying Monkeys. No connection implied, just sayin. Worst band name ever.
    Riding a dolphin? Aren’t they murderous a-holes?
    Parts 2+3 of my demon possessed/zombie story are up on my blog.
    *** YES! They are murderous assholes, but “cooking” impairs good judgement. And I read your entries. Most excellent. ~Laura

  24. Tara says:

    LMAO! You should teach at a culinary school!
    *** I really should. ~Laura

  25. Scott says:

    This made my Monday. Thanks.
    *** You’re welcome. ~Laura

  26. Holly says:

    Pray-tell also oh wise johnny fucking appleseed – what is a circus peanut? We don’t have them here unless this is them?
    http://images.littlewoods.com/is/image/Littlewoods/picknmixT?$picknmixIF$&$productimg=E012_SP933_03_WBA71
    *** Oh I think I’ve had those before- they are hard shelled with peanut butter in the center, no? A Circus Peanut is a delightful, flavorful, orange marshmellow peanut shaped delight. If everything that is good and wonderful could be contained in one thing- it would be the Circus Peanut. ~Laura
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Circus_peanut

  27. Holly says:

    Well the ones pictured are scrummy and a bit like peanut brittle minus any actual nuts bits. Yours look cool but no we don’t have them here, I will hunt of ebay though and see what i can find :)
    *** Fair Warning: Most adults HATE Circus Peanuts. They are sugar overload, and will even make me whoozy. I wanted to warn you before you put a bunch of effort in locating some. Do you all have Lucky Charms cereal over there? They are kinda like the marshmellow bits in that. ~Laura

  28. SB Smith says:

    You know Julia Child once said “Never cook with wine you wouldn’t happily drink.”
    She would be So proud of you.
    *** I bet she is! ~Laura

  29. Jan says:

    Sneaky dolphins, waiting til you’re tipsy from cooking, then lure you in with the smiley face and cute tricks, then BAM! And still they keep going with the smug, “they see me murderin’, thay hatin’” — evil bastards.
    *** Opportunistic murderous assholes! ~Laura

  30. Jena says:

    I freakin LOVE Lucky Charms! Are CP’s crunchy like the fake “marshmallow” in the cereal? I don’t like the texture of marshmallows but LCs rawks!
    ***Okay, this will sound weird, but the charms in Lucky Charms are the same formula as CPs, just stale. CPs are not mushy like regular marshmellows and if you let them go stale they taste like Lucky Charms charms. Magically delish and all that shit. ~Laura

  31. Holly says:

    omg yes I used to just eat the charms and ignore the cereal much to my parents horror…then I found a “weigh and save” store which sold the mallows all by themselves :D happiest sugar coma EVER!
    *** Well, Lucky Charms charms are the same formula as the Circus Peanuts. They are just staler. Let some CPs go stale and voila- Super-Sized Charms! ~Laura

  32. cmblake6 says:

    I think I love you, we need to party!
    *** HA! We can cook Coq au Vin! ~Laura

  33. Holly says:

    See I liked the staleness it made them kinda crispy :) Apparently circus peanuts are £5.00 for 5lbs…only £30.00 in p&p no idea what that translates to for you being in the right country lol
    *** I was told there would be no math when I started blogging. Let the CPs go stale- they are better that way. ~Laura

  34. Jena says:

    I will have to try them now. But the orange taste? We will see.
    Just had a thought (i know, right?) if you draw your renderings on paper first, do you keep them or throw them out?
    I bet there are some people out there that would do anything for some signed Laura Renderings!
    *** I draw and color them on a sketch pad. ~Laura

  35. Nicole says:

    Wow. I truly am not worthy. I mean, I had an inferiority complex before this because of your awesome artistic skills at rendering and the fact that your sidekick is an adorable little dog. Man. I have no hope to measure up. All I can aim for is basking in your reflected glory.
    *** That’s all anyone can do. HAHA! ~Laura

  36. Larry says:

    Congrats on the Nobel Prize, I hope it fetches a good price.
    My oldest daughter was friends with the Flipper kid, true story.
    *** It’s a wonder he survived that murderous dolphin. ~Laura

  37. December Bride says:

    About that Nobel Prize…. I would be willing to make a bid. I have been looking for something catchy for my mantle….. Please keep me in mind cuz I know you are sooooo close to getting that…….
    *** I will. ~Laura

  38. DogsDontPurr says:

    Laura, you totally need to start your own university!
    The curriculum could include:
    Stick Science
    Fine Arts
    Gourmet Cooking
    Wine Appreciation
    Creative Writing
    Goat tending/herding
    How Not to be a Whore
    Fashion Design for Pets
    Dinosaurs 101
    Circus Peanuts 101
    Michael Kors 101
    How to Stage an Emergency
    Really, the possibilities are endless. And just think, you could probably hit Mr. Clooney up for some funding. He’s very philanthropic, you know. It’s all about educating the masses!
    *** Hmmmm. I think I just might. The world could use more educating and shit. Good idea. ~Laura

  39. Jeffro says:

    Your advice is ALWAYS SPOT ON! I’ll never trust a dolphin – clearly they’re assholes.
    *** I am glad you realize this. Also, never trust a squirrel. ~Laura

  40. Glen says:

    Mammals should walk on dry land. They should not lurk about in the ocean trying to act all fishey and stuff.
    *** You are correct. It just makes them weird. ~Laura

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